Think he was just a wee bit 2 honest. ( long, sorry)

ljaneyr

Hi,
I'm not overweight but I think anyone can imagine how you are feeling right now. If my OH had suggested early on in our relationship that I needed to get rid of the cellulite or clear my skin or something I would feel pretty low as you would hope they see past your flaws. I guess the difference is that he says he is worried about you and wants a life and kids with you and wants to support you to be healthy. You need to figure out if he is the kind of person to be unkind, damage your self-esteem and try to change you, or was he just being completely tactless and thoughtless as (some) people can be sometimes. From what you told us he was echoing your own feelings and thoughts on the matter so he may just have been trying to be supportive but got drunk and said it really bluntly?

If you decide to stick with him it may be worth letting him know (perhaps when you've calmed down about it) that he hurt you by the way he said it but that you know you need to lose weight. It is unlikely he is in perfect shape so suggest walks and healthy activities and cooking together. Support each other.

I really hope it all works out for you hun,

Lxxx

gonzo127

i also think he was bang out of order in this, as someone has said, offering to help and support you to lose weight would have been fine but just coming out and saying you need to lose weight or i will dump you, which from what you have posted is the simple truth behind his words, is wrong and not someone i would tell you to stay with anyway.

although i do not know many details and could be totally wrong, in some ways it sounds as you are the 'safe rebound' girlfriend after his marriage break down, and now he is trying to turn you into what he actually wants instead of accepting who and how you are,

Teenie_D

What an idiot!

Ok you are overweight and need to lose some (I am too by the way ) you know this but it is very difficult to do it as is it, without the man who supposedly loves you giving you an ultimatum. Sorry but I just can't believe someone would be so horrid!

There are ways of telling someone they need to lose weight and this is certainly not one of them:mad: He could have suggested that he is worried about your health, or your chances of conceiving but to say he feels like shallow hal is downright cruel in my opinion.

To lose weight you need support and you dont need the pressure of having this man "forcing" you to lose weight, or else!

Do it for yourself, and your health and you are taking the right steps but don't do it because you are supposed to be grateful that he chose you.

Good luck xxx

blushred2

wow,
thanks for so many replies.

i was actually worried about posting, but so glad i did.
this is what the mse community is all about.

Last night, i was more upset

Today i'm tending towards he meant well, but was pretty tactless in the way he did it.

x

emsywoo123

shellsuit wrote: »

Woah, just who the hell does this guy think he is?

Is he a Hollywood superstar? Or a male model?

I suppose he is the male equivelent of Mary Poppins is he? (Practically perfect in every way?)

If someone I was in a new relationship with, said that to me, they wouldn't have the chance to say anything else because they would be dumped there and then.

I totally agree with this.

Bang out of order in my book. :eek:

You should feel cherished, loved, spoilt.

And now you know he looks at you and what he thinks........sorry but it's a big no no from me.

blushred2

I am the safe girlfirend, x was lovely looking, slim.
but a terrible flirt.

me, homebody, couldn't flirt my way out of a paper bag. lol
:rotfl:

shellsuit

blushred2 wrote: »

wow,
thanks for so many replies.

i was actually worried about posting, but so glad i did.
this is what the mse community is all about.

Last night, i was more upset thinking, he was looking a way out
of the relationship.

Today i'm tending towards he meant well, but was pretty tactless in the way he did it.

x

I thought that at first when I read it, but then wondered why he would go onto mention having kids with you?

Maybe he wanted to be mean so you dumped him?

Maybe he's had a ribbing from a mate?

It wouldn't be so bad if you'd said you wanted to lose weight and then he came out with "well I'll help you because I care about you"

But to tell you that you're not his normal type and then say if you don't lose weight then it's over, is not something someone in a decent relationship should say to the other!

I'd dump him. Honestly. He doesn't care about you, he cares more about what the person looks like on his arm.

Selfish shallow pig.

pinkclouds

You are morbidly obese. You are at serious risk of dying sooner rather than later. It is not love to enable someone to eat themselves into an early grave. The man was drunk. The only reason it hurts is because you care more about what your boyfriend thinks than what your doctor says. Whether you dump your boyfriend or not, I really do hope you lose some weight soon.

lizziem_2

I think this was put very badly. If he was concerned about your health he could do and say things which are much more positive. For example, suggesting that you exercise together. Or helping to cook healthy food. He could have been a lot more positive and supportive, so you made the effort together, he would put in effort to help you because he cared. But instead he chose to phrase it in what to me seems a very insulting way and basically order you to lose weight. And why should he dictate what you do anyway? Like others have said it is up to you if you choose to lose weight. It is not up to him. You are not some pet of his that will answer his commands and change on his whims. By saying it would make him proud if you lost weight, and it would make you more desirable, isn't he implying that as you are, he is not proud of you and you are not desirable? That's the way it seems to me at least. And it seems that your looks are more important to him than your personality, kindness or anything else - so important in fact that he is prepared to stake the whole relationship on them. That seems very shallow to me. Sorry to be so blunt but that is the way it looks to me.

pinkclouds

blushred2 wrote: »

Today i'm tending towards he meant well, but was pretty tactless in the way he did it.

Is he normally polite when he is sober? If so, it was just the drink talking. Plus - vast generalisation here - most blokes have limited tact in the first place.