Think he was just a wee bit 2 honest. ( long, sorry)

blushred2

I'm sitting at work, trying really hard to think about the pile of work in front of me.
But all i can think about is a chat i had with b/friend last night.

A little background. I'm just over 40, no kids, never been married.
overweight by about 5 stone ( morbidly obese according to doc)
female with high blood pressure.
been seeing this lovely guy for about 6 months. he's recently divorced with a child.

He had a bit to drink by the time he called last night, and said he
felt it was time he laid his cards.

He said he felt like Shallow Hal for saying it, but i was too fat.
and if i wanted to continue seeing him and have a future with him that i needed to loose weight... a lot of weight !

He said it would make him proud if i lost the weight, i'd be more desirable. And in a better shape to have kids... something we would both like.

According to him, i wasn't his normal type, but that he had been drawn by my personality, kindness, pretty face etc.

And yes i know that i need to lose a lot of weight
But felt somehow he was just a bit too honest.

My doctor has advised me to loose weight, and i've started walking more and i can be so good, then i get annoyed or upset and comfort eat !!

He said that if i didn't slim down then he would have to find someone else as he could not see us being together if i wasn't willing to make the effort.

A case of shape up or ship out.

Yes its made me detirmined to succeed, but also a little sad that
he was so to the point
I know that honest is important, and i should respect him.
but also feel like i've been kicked in the teeth.


My head is all over the place. I love this guy.

Please no fat bashing !!!!


And whats this got to do with money saving, well i'll be trying to do this in a way thats not going to cost me a lot of money.
increased walking... free
old style home cooking
joing the running/ walking thread

etc etc

OnceUponADream

Don't want to read and run and have little advice but to be honest it sounds like a classic case of being cruel to be kind in my opinion.

Hope you manage to lose weight and your relationship blossoms xx

pinkmexican

If YOU want to loose weight you will - but do it for yourself, no one can make you loose weight and shouldn't ask you to. The only one I think that can mention it is your Dr and he's paid plenty to do it and is only asking you to do it for you, not to make him proud.

Is there anything about him that he needs to change, perhaps he needs some home truths.

Love is about the whole person flaws and all, and not dependable on perfection.

I have lost weight and gained weight throughout my relationship with hubby and it's always been for me and throughout he's told me he loves me as I am. IMO that's important and I feel the same about him.

Good Luck
P

LilacPixie

I am no supermodel, my BMI is pushing 30 which is obese I believe so you will not be getting fat bashing from me because well it would be hypocritical.

Anyway I am presuming you havent all of a sudden gained 5 stone in the last week so that means you 'partner' is now trying to change you. We all know being obese is unhealthy however blackmail with lose weight or i will leave you is not the way to show you care about your partner. TBH I would continue with your weight loss plans, look at the old style weight loss thread and low GI recipes and increasing your excercise, don't try too much too soon or yu may get hurt, build up time gradually. Swimming is also good and has less impact on the joints.

With regards to your OH you have a choice to make or at least think about, personally I would not be happy with what I perceive as him trying to control you. I would probably shoot back with something like well as you laid your cards out last night I have been thinking that I should do the same. Really your penis is about 4 inches too short, your stomach muscles have all but disappeared and your !!! is starting to sag and hang. Unless you sort these things out I will have to find someone with a tight stomach and !!! an a penis bigger than a maggot.

I don't see honesty and love here I see control.

Mrss_3

Do it for yourself - not anyone else.

This is still a new relationship for you and I don't think he should have said anything imo.
You never know - if you lose the weight that you want to - you might start enjoying life more and find a real Prince Charming who loves you regardless of size.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Pixiechic

Hi,

I can see that from what he said and how he said it you that it could have been upsetting for you. He says he loves you and would like to have children with you so is therefore commited to you.

It's a very delicate subject to discuss but I wonder if he is just trying to support you losing the weight. Personally, if my partner was obese, I would definately be doing what I could to support him to lose weight. I too would prefer my partner to be trim.

Being morbidly obese could affect your chances of a baby and your health. Men don't always say things in the right way but fundementally, he seems to want to help you.

I hope that you do lose the weight but do it for you. I bet you will feel like a million dollars when you have! Good luck and keep that determination. Maybe he loves you and is worried about you?

jayII

Before going any further, I'd tell him that you've taken his comments on board, and are taking action. But I'd also insist that he NEVER says anything like that, ever again. Once was OK, (well, just about tolerable...) but it shouldn't become an accepted way for him to talk to you. If you want to lose weight, then that's great, but it should be for you.

I must say, though, he could have put it better, and if it were me, I'd be as likely to tell him where to go, as anything else. Who needs that sort of 'love'. Sorry.

POPPYOSCAR

Sorry, but I personally could not be with a man that said this to me.

He should love you for who you are.

Trying to encourage you to lose weight for your health is one thing but to say that you are not really his type and that if you do not lose weight he will find someone else is a terrible thing to say and is blackmail - this is not love.

When me and my OH fell in love nothing could keep us apart.

spongebabs

If you want to loose weight and you feel it would benefit your health then go for it. How dare he suggest you change yourself to 'make him proud' that's control, not love and respect

spongebabs

Oh and I think he sounds like Shallow Hal also.

shellsuit

Woah, just who the hell does this guy think he is?

Is he a Hollywood superstar? Or a male model?

I suppose he is the male equivelent of Mary Poppins is he? (Practically perfect in every way?)

If someone I was in a new relationship with, said that to me, they wouldn't have the chance to say anything else because they would be dumped there and then.