Think he was just a wee bit 2 honest. ( long, sorry)

ailuro2

Like nipple rings, a tummy tuck, boob job, hair dyed, how about a wee Brazilian, you know you'd really suit it...:eek:

Looking on the positive side, (as you seem to be determined to do) once you've lost a bit of weight you'll be able to run away from him even FASTER when he submits his next request to change you!!!:D

pimento

What if the OP had bad breath, or BO? Would it still have been wrong for the boyfriend to mention it?

I think he was right and was being honest. It might be the push the OP needs to get healthy.

Oh and it's lose. Loose is what your clothes become after you lose weight.

lauren_1

I think this is the kick up the bum you need, how many times have you shrugged off your doctors advice or well meaning friends who put it as 'its for your health'?

Ok tactless it may have been and I would probably not contact him again.

Teenie_D

lauren_1 wrote: »

I think this is the kick up the bum you need, how many times have you shrugged off your doctors advice or well meaning friends who put it as 'its for your health'?

Ok tactless it may have been and I would probably not contact him again.

Yeah but he is not stating it's for her health he said it would make her more desirable to him - and then to give her an ultimatum .....

If he had said he wants to start a family with her and is concerned about the health implications, then yeah fair enough, but the way he has insisted she lose the weight or he will leave makes him sound like a right !!!!!!

I personally could never forgive someone who gave me an ultimatum like this and would probably tell him where to stick it!

****kara****

I agree with other's on this. Only loose the weight if you want to do it for YOURSELF and no-one else. I can't believe the cheek of it and I would certainly be ending it if that was me. He knew about your weight when he met you and should love you for who you are

Tell him you will loose weight when he gets a penis enlargement :rotfl:*this is a joke btw before anyone starts:D* but I'm sure he will feel just as gutted as the op if she did say it!;)

good luck op but make sure whatever you decide to do is for YOU:D

consultant31

OP, my thoughts on your boyfriends motives are of no interest, but if you want to lose weight as easily as it's possible to do without too much deprivation, may I point you towards Slimming World

I know I'm biased as I'm a SW Consultant, but I've tried every diet under the sun over the years and I can really recommend Food Optimising (the name for SW's plans) as the best I've ever done and the easiest to stick to long term - which you need to do or all the weight will come back.

If you're interested, have a look on the website www.slimming-world.com where you can input your post code to find out where (and when) the nearest groups to you are held.

If you want any extra info, please feel free to pm me and I'll help all I can. Dieting is never easy but this is as good as it gets IMO

lauren_1

Teenie_D wrote: »

Yeah but he is not stating it's for her health he said it would make her more desirable to him - and then to give her an ultimatum .....

If he had said he wants to start a family with her and is concerned about the health implications, then yeah fair enough, but the way he has insisted she lose the weight or he will leave makes him sound like a right !!!!!!

I personally could never forgive someone who gave me an ultimatum like this and would probably tell him where to stick it!

I said it that way because its easy to brush advice off when it isnt really personal. This guy made it personal and was pretty blunt about it!

ali-t

If you are looking for a very low calorie diet the most MSE version of it at the moment is from exante who are doing 50% off their bumper packs which works out at £25 per week. You should lose a stone a month on these diets so potentially could lose the 5 stone by the end of the year. It isn't the answer for everyone but would allow you quick results if you want this and can cope without real food for the rest of the year.
http://www.exantediet.com/Shop.php

nuttybabe

Hi

I havent read all the replies but just wanted to say my ex said the same to me. I stayed with him and lost the weight. The more weight i lost the more controlling he became as now people may fancy me!!!! I got to the point where my doctor told me to stop losing weight, my work colleages told me how skinny and ill i looked and him still telling me every day how fat and ugly i was (this only started when we lived together after i lost most of weight!!). I left him and since then i have met, married and had 3 kids by a lovely man who, even when i was 4 stone heavier, tells me i am beautiful and that i dont need to lose weight. This time i lost the weight because i wanted to as running round after 3 kids is difficult enough without the added burden of my asthma worse and getting tired and just not moving fast enough to catch the little blighters!!!! :P

Do what you want to do for yourself. I should have left him when he first told me i was too fat but i have learnt and will not let anyone treat me like that again.

Good luck with the weight loss, it is hard and good luck with what ever you decide with him. x

coolcait

blushred2 wrote: »

..

A little background. I'm just over 40, no kids, never been married.
overweight by about 5 stone ( morbidly obese according to doc)
female with high blood pressure.
been seeing this lovely guy for about 6 months. he's recently divorced with a child.

He had a bit to drink by the time he called last night, and said he
felt it was time he laid his cards.

He said he felt like Shallow Hal for saying it, but i was too fat.
and if i wanted to continue seeing him and have a future with him that i needed to loose weight... a lot of weight !

He said it would make him proud if i lost the weight, i'd be more desirable. And in a better shape to have kids... something we would both like.

According to him, i wasn't his normal type, but that he had been drawn by my personality, kindness, pretty face etc.

And yes i know that i need to lose a lot of weight
But felt somehow he was just a bit too honest.

My doctor has advised me to loose weight, and i've started walking more and i can be so good, then i get annoyed or upset and comfort eat !!

He said that if i didn't slim down then he would have to find someone else as he could not see us being together if i wasn't willing to make the effort.

...

You've had plenty of advice, OP - from all points of view. And I agree with them all - because I can read your post as either the warning signs of a controlling bf, or the clumsy attempts of a loving (but drunk) bf to express his concerns about you and your health.

Did it all flow out of him in one big rant (which I would see as a danger sign).

Or was it a conversation, where you were reacting to each of his comments as he said them. Along the lines of the following ...

Him: Look, I feel like Shallow Hal for saying it, but your doctor has told you you are too fat. I want us to have a future together, I want us to have kids together. But you know you need to lose weight for us to do that - a lot of weight. You really need to listen to what the doctor's telling you about this.

You: So what are you saying? That you don't want to be with me because I'm fat?! I know I'm not your type - you've always liked skinny girls!!

Him: I do want to be with you! That's what I'm telling you. I want to have kids with you! But you need to lose weight for us to do that. Ok, you're not my usual type, but I love you. I was drawn to you - your personality, your kindness, your pretty face, all those things.

You: Yeah, but not my body!! You'd find me sexier if I was skinny, wouldn't you?!!!

Him: I do find you sexy. But you're always going on about needing to lose weight, and acting like you're not sexy. If you lost weight, and started to believe you were sexy too, of course I'd find you more desirable that way!!

You: Oh yeah! And then you'd be proud to be seen with me, and show me off to your friends! Not embarrassed like you are now!!

Him: I'm not embarrassed to be seen with you!! But of course I'd be proud of you if you managed to lose the weight! Who wouldn't be?

You: Well, if I'm that fat and horrible, and you can't see us being together unless I make the effort to lose weight, why don't you find someone else?!!

Him: Maybe I will!

(Hangs up, feeling miffed because you haven't actually listened to him, and resolves to wait until you apologise to him before talking about it again!).

If the conversation actually ran along those lines, and you've just told us the bits in bold, then maybe the guy deserves a second chance at explaining how he feels and why he feels it.

Only you know exactly what was said and how it was said. That will help you decide what's the right thing for you as far as this relationship is concerned.

good luck!