Think he was just a wee bit 2 honest. ( long, sorry)

poppyscorner

OP just wanted to add that loosing large amounts of weight is very achievable !

2 and a bit yrs ago I weighed 17st 10lbs and believe it or not that wasn't me at my heaviest !

I was terribly unhappy and I was a comfort eater making excuses for myself all the time my exH never said a word about it but he did find someone else and left me I had already started to loose weight when he left 2st in fact I continued to loose weight I thought screw him I was so sick of looking like I did so I was doing it for myself.

I got to goal weight Nov 2008 which was 12st 5lbs (i'm very tall 5ft 10) and I currently weigh 12st exactly.

I am a different person these days i have confidence and most of all I have this belief that I can do anything I put my mind too I am so happy. When I was bigger I suffered for years with low self esteem and depression sometimes hitting me severely this has never affected me since and yes I have days when i feel yuk but who doesn't right ?

I think you b/f was insensitive with the way he said it but I also know what its like to be with a man who really wants to have children my DP now really wants a child and so do I but not yet I think if my weight was preventing that he'd be gutted I think sometimes a mans ticking biological clock can be overlooked and sometimes people don't realise how important the urge to have a family is to them if that makes sense.

Don't get me wrong i'd be mortified if my DP worded it the same way but I do think he probably had the best of intentions and your health at heart but only you know him and know what he meant by it.

I wish you the best of luck you've managed to loose a stone already that is a great achievement and you were only playing around with it think how much more you could achieve if you were really trying

Go and knock em dead honey trust me your confidence will return before you even get to your goal weight and then you can make your decisions about the relationship as long as you've put yourself first a bit

Good luck xx

paulrn_2

Soppy

But in love you see with the heart not the eyes

ceridwen

What can I say?

Errr...what I actually DO say ITRW to any man right at the outset who is a bit overweight or might head that way if he wasnt careful is that I expect to go out with slim men only. I try and find tactful/humorous ways to put it - or say what I think about other people I see of various sizes to him and hope he takes the hint.

I find it very very difficult with someone who is overweight or has allowed themselves to get overweight since I knew them as to just how to put "You have to be slim - or I'm afraid I'm only interested in seeing you as a friend". I really struggle with how to get the message across - without being hurtful.

But - I do get the message across someway/somehow at the beginning of any possible relationship - so they havent gotten heavily involved with me without realising how I feel about this.

But then - I've not been able to get physically involved with a man in the first place unless I find him attractive. So its always been a question of ensuring a boyfriend stays slim - rather than wondering how to get him to slim after the event IYSWIM.

I know a male friend of mine would like to get involved with me now - and I'm struggling again with "How do I tell him he has to lose weight first - because I won't be doing so otherwise and it will just stay a friendship?"

So - I guess what I'm saying is it must have taken him a lot of courage to tell you how he feels and he must be pretty serious about you to have found that courage. If he wasnt serious about you - then he wouldnt have bothered - he would have just turned the relationship into a friendship instead.

Think of it also as concern for your health - it is a lot more likely that people will stay fit if they are slim. Being overweight puts all sorts of strains on the joints/back/heart/etc and illness is much more likely as a result.

I think there are some of us who have a very good idea of our own "limitations" - and what we could and couldnt cope with. For instance - if I were (at my advanced age...) to marry someone after all - then I know I could/would cope with any illness they subsequently got if it was "one of those things". On the other hand if the illness was self-inflicted (ie something they wouldnt have had if they had looked after themselves) - then I have severe doubts as to whether I would be able to cope with that IYSWIM and I suspect I wouldnt.

clairehi

Good luck to the OP in shifting the weight whether or not she stays with the partner.

I cant stress enough how important it is that she sticks with it. Ive said this before, my kids lost their grandmother at the age of 61 due to obesity related health problems and she will now never meet her youngest grandchild.

blushred2

Thanks for all the replies.
i am functioning on auto pilot, as he got rid of me yesterday.

shellsuit

blushred2 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.
i am functioning on auto pilot, as he got rid of me yesterday.

Oh I'm sorry to hear that!

What were his reasons for ending things??

blushred2

i was too emotional after he had only been trying to 'gee' me into action.

he actually told me to go hang myself...

POPPYOSCAR

Sorry to hear that. Hope you are ok.


It did sound from your OP that this was on the cards.

Please don't let this impact on your self-esteem.There are plenty of bigger ladies out there with lovely partners(I know one myself and her OH adores her and he is half her size)

If you want to lose weight because it will make you happier and healthier then go ahead and embark on a fitness program, it might help take your mind off things.

Best of luck with your future.

shellsuit

blushred2 wrote: »

i was too emotional after he had only been trying to 'gee' me into action.

he actually told me to go hang myself...

What?????? :eek:

Oh my word, how dare he! :mad::mad::mad:

That is awful, you are well shot of him and deserve so much better than that xx

Fuzzy_Duck

blushred2 wrote: »

i was too emotional after he had only been trying to 'gee' me into action.

he actually told me to go hang myself...

Then he is a sick, sick man who never deserved you. There is no justification for saying that. I know it's a stupid question, but how are you doing? Anyone would be really upset to go through that but hopefully you can see that you're well shot of him?

You sound a lovely lady but I think you could do with a big confidence boost. As hard as it is try not to comfort eat- maybe you could take up a new activity so you could have fun and lose weight at the same time, like dancing? You'd meet new people, take your mind off everything and you'll feel really good when the pounds come off. As silly as it sounds losing a bit of weight and treating yourself to a gorgeous new outfit does make you feel a lot better and help your confidence.

And remember, as proven here, that there are plenty of happy bigger people with a supportive and loving partner. You deserve a man who loves you no matter what you weigh. Big hugs- if you feel down and want some support we're here to listen.