Am I being awful?

bestpud

topsym wrote: »

Absolutely,and this is certainly what I am thinking, but I am curious.


I don't want to meet his family, and i'm sure he's not bothered about meeting mine or anybody elses's families that will be at the reunion, we dont know them, its about the friends we had at uni, nothing suspicious about it. TBH I think it might be weirder if his wife met me anyway, esp if she is the insecure type, certainly to be told we had a relationship of sorts at uni, Im sure she wouldnt be impressed!

We are both adults and aware of our responsiblities, and I can fantasise but dont have to act upon it. I'm sure most people are guilty of adultery in their head at some point in their lives if they care to admit it.

What would she have to be insecure about exactly?

You say you've told your OH about talking to the guy but you haven't told him the full story, have you?

You don't want to meet his wife as it would get in the way of your fantasy and possibly give you one big reality check!

You want resurrect something that is years out of date and it can't be done. You can't simply wipe out his current life, by pretending they don't exist.

And why wouldn't he tell his wife where he was going? Hmmm...:cool:

Keep you fantasy in your head - everyone has them, as you say. Anything more than that is awful, to answer your question.

I'm not sure if you are trying to convince yourself or us...?

ETA: Oh and can you let us know what AE you will use when you come back for help with two broken relationships and a step child, so we will know not to waste our breath trying to help you?

topsym

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I believe that what you think does matter. There is such a thing as being unfaithful in your thoughts and desires.

So nobody on here has thought impure thoughts about anyone, whether they be a superstar or the man next door or on the beach on holiday. Most people must be unfaithful in thoughts then!

Pepzofio

topsym wrote: »

Absolutely,and this is certainly what I am thinking, but I am curious.


I don't want to meet his family, and i'm sure he's not bothered about meeting mine or anybody elses's families that will be at the reunion, we dont know them, its about the friends we had at uni, nothing suspicious about it. TBH I think it might be weirder if his wife met me anyway, esp if she is the insecure type, certainly to be told we had a relationship of sorts at uni, Im sure she wouldnt be impressed!

We are both adults and aware of our responsiblities, and I can fantasise but dont have to act upon it. I'm sure most people are guilty of adultery in their head at some point in their lives if they care to admit it.

This 'reunion' didn't even exist until about an hour and a half ago!! And it's not about the friends you had at uni, it's about you finding an innocent-looking way to meet up with this guy!

So you want to know all about his life now but don't want to meet his wife... Hmmmmm...

The only reason it would be 'weird' is if the two of you had inappropriate intentions. Or, we could just assume that the wife is insecure and blame it on 'sparing her feelings'...

I read your OP sympathising with you to a degree, but the more you post, the more it looks like you're determined to do this anyway and the harder it is to muster up any sympathy for you. A simple 'yeah, I guess you guys have a point' after 60-or so 'Noooooo!!!!' replies might be a more gracious way to bow out.

brians_daughter

topsym wrote: »

I HAVE mentioned the call, and I lusted after Mr x whilst at uni, no real romantic feelings, god I sound like a man dont i!!!!!!!!!!

So the lies have started already then? No romantic feelings, just snogs. lust, sex and a decade plus of what ifs????

Sorry, if you feel like i am 'getting at you' i am not - i am trying to get you to se what you may be stirring up here thats all

GEEGEE8

shellsuit wrote: »

Trout.

:rotfl: well said! :T

fantasia322

brians_daughter wrote: »

Sorry, if you feel like i am 'getting at you' i am not - i am trying to get you to se what you may be stirring up here thats all

A hornets nest in IMHO.
Stop seeking ways to justify what you want to do, just go and do it because this is sounding exactly like you will anyway.

flossy_splodge

topsym wrote: »

So nobody on here has thought impure thoughts about anyone, whether they be a superstar or the man next door or on the beach on holiday. Most people must be unfaithful in thoughts then!

I think that's deliberately being obtuse.
A passing 'whoar' in response to an attractive human being or a fantasy about 'if only 'Brad Pitt'; Robbie Williams' (or whoever) had met me then.... is clearly pie in the sky and different.
Ongoing 'what ifs' about someone who may in fact be attainable is worrying at best and unfaithful at worst.
I still say you might get some benefit from considering where the 'shortfall' is in your current life.
There are some excellent organisations out there who could gently explore your feelings with you and it may prevent a disaster for two families.
Once you take that first step, it's too late.:eek:

Oldernotwiser

flossy_splodge wrote: »

Sort of agree with you.
Always thought I was being incredibly old fashioned and idealistic in thinking that so nice to know there are others out there with that take on life.:beer:

Like so much else, the test is how you would feel if your husband were lusting after someone else or fantasising about her - I don't think many women would be happy with that.

topsym

shellsuit wrote: »

I give up, not only are you awful, but you are a disgrace.

Either that or this whole thread is a wind up.

Go and meet him, because you will anyway.

Trout.

Why does lusting after someone and after 4 years doing something about it whilst at uni make me a trout! Its all in the past.

How very constuctive!!!

ailuro2

If a love like yours is meant to be then nothing will come between it and all those unsaid things from 12 years ago will come to the surface and you'll fall into each others arms and live happily ever after, you spouses will understand as true love conquers all...





Meanwhile back in the real world...

Given half a chance he'll be up there like a rat up a drainpipe, and you know that.

Wake up and smell the coffee, no one here is going to give you any excuses for one more sh@g with an old flame just because you enjoy the feeling of knowing he would 'want' you.

This is a wake up call that it's time to look to your OWN life as you see it with your husband, why not take him off for a dirty weekend somewhere and act out some of your fantasies, that way no-one will get hurt, and you won't catch anything nasty from Mr Uni.

If all was well at home you wouldn't be trying to wangle a way for Mr uni to get you into bed (y'know, once you'd had a few and the 'chemistry' took over) Concentrate on your DH and don't risk splitting up a family for the sake of some happy old memories. Leave it in the past where it should be.


p.s. some of your spelling mistakes could easily give you away, some of them are quite unusual. Hope your DH doesn't read MSE.