Am I being awful?

topsym

I am a regular poster on these forums, but I need some advice today, and to see if anyone else is or has been in this situation.

Basically, I got in touch with a guy i went to uni with 12 years ago recently, he lives in another part of the country with his wife and baby, and i live with my husband.

At uni we never went out with each other but were always together and after four years, at the end of uni got together for a what i guess was a goodbye meeting. There had always been chemistry between us in a big way, and before we parted we had a meal together and the inevitable happpened. We kept in touch for a short while after that via phone and both went our separate ways.

I have always longed to find out what he was doing and how things have turned out for him, I know I would never end up with him, and i would never do anything to jeapodise my relationship or his, and he feels the same, but we just seem to have this chemistry that wont go away, and i would like to see him again.

When we spoke, he was thriled to hear from me, and we spoke for some time about our lives etc, he said he would like to see me, and would travel up here to do so. I have always hoped to see him but really dont know if i could contain myself if i did see him, i dont want to start some full blown fling or anything like that, but i do fantasise about being with him.

Don't shoot me down, I have never felt this way before ever and have always had these feelings, only for him, and i know he feels the same, but our lives went in opposite directions. I wonder weather anyone else has these thoughts or has indeed met up with someone from their past they had a special connection with??

Lilith1980

I've never done it hun but reading your post rang alarm bells in my head.

I would steer well clear. It sounds like you still have feelings for this guy and it could jeopardise your marriage, and his.

Maybe you need to ask yourself WHY you want to meet him? You do mention that you think about being with him, maybe you think it would be the same as when you were at uni....but things change, people change and I doubt things would be the same.

Are there things wrong in your marriage which are making you feel like you want to be with this other man?

What if you met up with him and all he actually wanted was a catchup and nothing more, would you be disappointed?

I just say tread carefully hun x

mwa

I think you probably already know that what you are doing will end in hurt, things like this are best left well alone if you ask me! Are you unhappy in your marriage? The fact that he is married with a child should be enough for most people to think 'leave well alone'!

gratefulforhelp_2

But you are already doing somthing to jeapordise your relationship.

topsym

Thanks for your replies!
I'm not unhappy in my marriage I have a lovely husband, and I wouldn't want to ruin anyones life. I just feel I have unfinished business there, I might even see him and talk to him and know its not right like you say, but I just really would like to see him. I know its sad, but i feel he's the one that got away.

topsym

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

But you are already doing somthing to jeapordise your relationship.

Why, by talking to him?

topsym

What if you met up with him and all he actually wanted was a catchup and nothing more, would you be disappointed?

I just say tread carefully hun x[/QUOTE]

No, i don't think so.

gratefulforhelp_2

Well from what you have said, this is not just hooking up with an old friend from uni.

Did you want us all to agree with you and say you're doing the right thing? Some of us will, I'm sure, but it seems from what you have written that your intentions are not clear-cut.

What if you meet up and think "omigod this is the man of my dreams"?

gratefulforhelp_2

topsym wrote: »

Thanks for your replies!
I'm not unhappy in my marriage I have a lovely husband, and I wouldn't want to ruin anyones life. I just feel I have unfinished business there, I might even see him and talk to him and know its not right like you say, but I just really would like to see him. I know its sad, but i feel he's the one that got away.

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Kazz81

topsym wrote: »

Why, by talking to him?

No, by deliberately seeking him out knowing the feelings that you had for him.

If you dont walk away from this now, 2 families could be torn apart.

topsym

I know exactly what you are saying, but how can i get some closure on this otherwise? I KNOW we would NEVER get together relationship wise cause he wants different things to me, out of life, so I think by seeing him it would answer my questions as to what he was like now.

If i saw him and thought he was the man of my dreams then i'd just call myself a stupid ar*e for not grabbing him whilst he was still on the market. I certainly wouldnt pursue him.