Am I being awful?

easilydistracted

Hmm havent read the whole thread as its a very long one. OP I would just echo what everyone else has said. Meeting up with him is a terrible idea, though you dont seem to want to take this on board despite everyone giving helpful advice. Lots of people have friendships that in other circumstances would have been relationships but its not meant to me and the feelings pass with time, especially 12 years! There was a guy like this when I was young and at college who I had feelings for but it wasnt meant to be. However when I was in a commited relationship it wasnt really something I thought about much again. If I ever ran into him again then it would be nice to say hello and I would have good memories of the friendship and that time in my life, but that would be about it. Concentrate on your marriage and leave this guy to his. You really are playing with fire having any contact. If you want to decide if its harmless show your husband this thread, dont imagine you will though!

thorsoak

Dear Topsym

I am curious : why do you ask "am I being awful" when you intend full well to break your own wedding vows and entice someone else to break theirs? You're going to do it, with or without "approval" from us!

Just think though - if he hops into your bed - how many other beds has he hopped into in the previous 12 years??????

sassy_one

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

I agree with this. I know I keep banging the drum about my 'story' but my ex kept my number in case I became single. And I had his home number permanently etched into my brain. If I'm truly honest with myself, I always hoped that we'd get back together although I really did work at making my previous relationship work.

My current partner & I were friends before we went out and stayed friends for quite some time after, so it was natural that we still had each other's phone numbers. I can only speak from my own experiences and having only ever had the phone number of one ex on my phone (who is no longer an ex) I'd say there is only one reason for having it!

My ex was talking, claimed to be, as 'just' friends to guys on line, trust in marriage is a big thing, which I gave, however it was later discovered that she had met some guys from on line who she had spoken to for a while, and sent vile E-mails too, she committed adultery.

Needless to say, I divorced her, the judge granted my grounds.


It's two different things, feelings and acting, the OP intends to act of those.
Although, when you marry, you should not have any 'feelings' towards a ex or similar, as if you do, you are quite clearly not ready to marry, unlike the OP, which she did.

You don't keep ex's numbers, and to be honest, I think the OP has just said that, I think one of them went out of their way to find and get in touch with each other, how that took place I do not know.

The OP has clearly posted here, looking for people to give her a 'free run' acceptance to meet this guy, so she doesn't feel bad or guilty, as she hasn't been given that, she has refused all the advice given too her, as well as that, she still intends to meet this plank, whatever the damage it does and causes!

Jo_R_2

I just wanted to add, partly in response to some comments about not keeping ex's numbers, and as a contrast to the OP, that it *is* done to keep an ex's number and it be completely innocent.

I've had a couple of exes (sp?) which I have kept in touch with. One although we kept each other's numbers was more an email/FB relationship where we used to chat about music (something we had majorly in common and how we originally knew each other.) The other was just a great guy who although I didn't end up 'gelling' with, within a couple, could chat away to, he was awesome - in a purely friendship sense. This was not ever done secretively when I was in other relationships - I had nothing to hide, was open about the fact I had dated them and any b/f was more than welcome to be privy to our conversations.

Somewhat stubbornly, I was always quite protective of my right to be friends with who I wanted, and it so happened that last year, one sadly passed away. I can't tell you how pleased I was that I'd kept in touch with him, and had seen him, despite living some distance away, not too long before. I travelled away from home for the day to the funeral, my OH understood my sadness, I just wish he could have met him as well to find out how great he was (and vice versa!)

So not very eloquently, it is possible to have a friendship with an ex, but having had other experiences with exes, each person has to be honest with themselves - and each other - what exactly the relationship is - or else it's just a facade, or an 'excuse.' I've always thought that anytime the situation becomes something you wouldn't want your partner to know about, then that is deceptive and probably more than you a) realised, or b) are prepared to admit to yourself.

sassy_one

The OP really does bring the true meaning to... 'You just can't help some people'

GracieP

I just thought I'd try out one last angle on this. OP, imagine you do meet this man and the old lust comes back and you have yourselves a "closure" shag. That turns out to be enough for you. You feel terrible, go home to your husband, relieved to still have him and determined to never put your marriage at risk again. You put extra effort into your marriage, your guilt recedes, life is good.

Unbeknownst to you however his wife finds out. Maybe she checks his texts, or you and he are seen by a friend of hers, perhaps he can't live with the guilt and tells her. However she finds out, that's a dealbreaker for her and she initiates divorce proceedings naming you as the third party.

Do you know what happens then? Named on legal documents as being partially responsible for the breakdown of a marriage. Do you know that you could be liable for divorce costs? So there you are back with your husband, grateful that you've had you closure and happy to carry on with your comfortable life. Then one day a letter lands on your doorstep and blows it all apart.

The actions you are contemplating have wider reaching consequences than those you are allowing yourself to think about.

Zazen999

LilacPixie wrote: »

any unfinished business was finished 12 years ago when you [STRIKE]lost touch/stopped contact[/STRIKE] got married.

The end.

Steel_2

topsym wrote: »

MrsE wrote: »

If you are comfortable telling your husband where you are going & he is doing likewise with his wife & your spouses are happy then whats the problem?

I plan to tell OH if we meet as I have said, have told him I have already spoken to Mr x.

Or are you planning to meet in secret? No

Don't do anything you wouldn't want your husband to know.

I don't plan to!

Thanks

Really? At what point will you be telling your husband you feel you have unfinished business with this guy after your shagged him years ago, and that you still have feelings for him? That you still fantasise about him?

Or are you going to leave that very important piece of information out of the conversation with your husband?

Who are you trying kid love?

You're going to come out of this looking like an idiot and you are going to hurt your husband in the process.