Am I being awful?

sassy_one

Miss_Penny_Pincher wrote: »

Greetings sassy one and sashade! What I meant about my comment that it could help her marriage get stronger is that she has been wondering about this guy for YEARS and meeting him could make her realise the grass isn't greener and renew her commitment to her husband. It may not but it may do!

Why can't old friends meet just because they had a 1 night stand and she fancied him at the time? Do none of you trust yourselves at all?? It's not like she's had an affair yet many of you are quick to judge!

By the way sassy your assumptions are wrong... I am happily married and have been with the same wonderful man for nearly a decade. It doesn't stop me from having the odd ponder about how men from my past are getting on and a quick nosy on Facebook! Please show me where it says in the wedding vows that you aren't allowed to wonder how an ex is getting on? To be honest I'd expect DH to do the same when he has been close to them for years. It would be heartless to not wonder and wish them well when have been so close!

Have only just read your latest post sassy one after I wrote this so am editing to add that I'm really sorry about your ex wife. She really devastated you and it's obviously a very sensitive subject. If topsym is being open to her husband about meeting (maybe omitting some details to spare his feelings - come on my husband tells me I'm most beautiful woman and the only one he ever thinks about hmmm I know he's not being entirely truthful there but it's a white lie that makes me smile) it is a different situation though.

BTW, I am in no way having a go at you.
I accept that there is a fine line between meeting friends and ex's, specially if you have children with your ex, you don't have much choice sometimes.

But the fact remains, the OP has no reason apart from 'unfinished business' to meet this guy, which is wrong.

I'm sorry but I know the pain off how a marriage break up feels, that's why I hate the thought of the OP hurting her husband, it is not nice.
I tell you, I'm lucky to be alive today, I was very suicidal when my marriage broke up!


Please do not take my comments/advice to be personally directed at you, as I would hate to fall out over her with anyone, but I really think either the way you appear to be wording your posts or generally the way you think marriage works, is wrong.

I know I trust my wife 110%, but I also know if she met a ex or similar that I would hurt very much and would take a big hit on the trust.

Like said, it's up to the OP what she does, but if she wants her marriage and husband don't, as that is what she risks losing, the stakes are high!

sassy_one

sashadesade wrote: »

I see no problem with old friends meeting up, but there are many things in the OPs posts that suggest it's not as innocent as all that. Put it this way: if you were married and planning to meet up with an old friend who was also married, and there was absolutely nothing between you and no chance of anything happening, you don't exactly need to hide things from your husband and post on an internet forum asking for advice, do you?
I trust myself completely, but statements like this make it hard to believe the OP can be trusted with this man:

'I have never felt this way before ever and have always had these feelings, only for him'; 'I have always hoped to see him but really dont know if i could contain myself if i did see him'; 'we just seem to have this chemistry that wont go away'.

Note that the OP speaks in the present tense about her feelings for this man. Doesn't sound much like she fancied him 'at the time' but the friendship is purely platonic now.

Completely agree, my point exactly !

sassy_one

Very sad is all I can say, very sad.

I feel very very x1000 lucky and happy to be in such a happy trustworthy marriage with my wife.

I do feel very sad for the OP's husband

In sense, may be the OP just isn't ready to settle down at this stage and is having second thoughts - I have no ideal, all I know is a lot of people will be getting hurt if the OP meets this plank - and I call him that because he should know better than to meet a married women!

Barny1979

sassy-one wrote: »

Very sad is all I can say, very sad.

I feel very very x1000 lucky and happy to be in such a happy trustworthy marriage with my wife.

I do feel very sad for the OP's husband

In sense, may be the OP just isn't ready to settle down at this stage and is having second thoughts - I have no ideal, all I know is a lot of people will be getting hurt if the OP meets this plank - and I call him that because he should know better than to meet a married women!

Sassy-one, there is a multi-quote option, rather than loads of posts from one person.:)

sassy_one

Barny1979 wrote: »

Sassy-one, there is a multi-quote option, rather than loads of posts from one person.:)

Oops, sorry - I will use it in future, didn't see it

1sttimer_2

Just tried reading all this thread (quite a feat!) and one thing jumps out at me which I don't think anyone has mentioned, but apologies if it has and I missed it.

If OP left uni 12 years ago (at age 21?) she will be around 33 now. In the intervening years, she would have had a busy life, working, meeting friends, getting married etc. and only now 12 years later, has been back in touch with the guy she didn't date, but was good friends with, and had a quick one night fling which she has fantasized about for so long! Why? What has happened to make her think like this? Something must have. I don't suddenly want to contact any ex's from any number of years ago!

Both my DD's have left uni and any friends they made have stayed friends. They haven't abandoned them because their lives have moved at a different pace, moved away, or met other partners. They made friends and have stayed friends.

Perhaps the OP is having minor problems with her OH to make her think back to the 'good old days' when she had no worries. Only problem with this is that she may have had not worries then, but this meeting will only create some now.

It doesn't matter how many times one is told what is good for oneself in a situation, one is blinded by their own ideals and will go ahead with what they want to do, regardless of any consequences because they cannot see the whole picture. This isn't the first time anyone has ever done this, nor will it be the last. She will do as she wishes as any suggestions are falling on deaf ears.

It may all go well, but then again, who knows? She may end up finding the grass isn't greener, but more of a mucky brown, and when she gets back to where she was, the green grass she had has gone!

roobobs

I would go for it you never know

sassy_one

roobobs wrote: »

I would go for it you never know

Please add more detail to your post.....

Are you advising the OP to meet this uni guy and risk her marriage on him??

red_devil

topsym wrote: »

I am a regular poster on these forums, but I need some advice today, and to see if anyone else is or has been in this situation.

Basically, I got in touch with a guy i went to uni with 12 years ago recently, he lives in another part of the country with his wife and baby, and i live with my husband.

At uni we never went out with each other but were always together and after four years, at the end of uni got together for a what i guess was a goodbye meeting. There had always been chemistry between us in a big way, and before we parted we had a meal together and the inevitable happpened. We kept in touch for a short while after that via phone and both went our separate ways.

I have always longed to find out what he was doing and how things have turned out for him, I know I would never end up with him, and i would never do anything to jeapodise my relationship or his, and he feels the same, but we just seem to have this chemistry that wont go away, and i would like to see him again.

When we spoke, he was thriled to hear from me, and we spoke for some time about our lives etc, he said he would like to see me, and would travel up here to do so. I have always hoped to see him but really dont know if i could contain myself if i did see him, i dont want to start some full blown fling or anything like that, but i do fantasise about being with him.

Don't shoot me down, I have never felt this way before ever and have always had these feelings, only for him, and i know he feels the same, but our lives went in opposite directions. I wonder weather anyone else has these thoughts or has indeed met up with someone from their past they had a special connection with??

i wouldnt bother and how would you feel if your hubby did that also is he telling his wife. We meet lots of people in life and move on, they get on with their lives and us ours. I dont think meeting him would be a good idea.

VK-2008

i would be very careful about meeting him. things happen so easy and you dont want to upset you oh