Am I being awful?

Plans_all_plans

I would not talk to this man again. I totally understand where you're coming from with thinking he might be "the one who got away" BUT you are now married and as such you have to put him out of your head.

Meeting up with him is definitely NOT a good idea. You will only end up getting hurt yourself (by finding out he only wants you for one thing, or by finding out he just wants to be friends, when you clearly still want him) or hurting your husband/his wife and child when inevitably the doo doo hits the fan.

I honestly don't think that rekindling this relationship in any way will benefit you. I would consign him to history and stop headfcuking yourself by seeking him out.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but you have to protect your marriage.

Kazz81

topsym wrote: »

I know exactly what you are saying, but how can i get some closure on this otherwise? I KNOW we would NEVER get together relationship wise cause he wants different things to me, out of life, so I think by seeing him it would answer my questions as to what he was like now.

If i saw him and thought he was the man of my dreams then i'd just call myself a stupid ar*e for not grabbing him whilst he was still on the market. I certainly wouldnt pursue him.

How can you KNOW you will never get together? If you have feelings for him, and lets assume he has the same bubbling feelings for you, an emotional reminiscent conversation full of 'remember when' and 'what if's could lead to absolutely anything. Yes, you could meet him and be glad it never progressed years ago, but the complete opposite could happen.

I just think you're playing with fire, I really do. How would your husband feel if he knew that you had made contact with an ex who you still felt something for? How would you feel if your husband made contact with an ex he felt something for?

gratefulforhelp_2

topsym wrote: »

I know exactly what you are saying, but how can i get some closure on this otherwise? I KNOW we would NEVER get together relationship wise cause he wants different things to me, out of life, so I think by seeing him it would answer my questions as to what he was like now.

If i saw him and thought he was the man of my dreams then i'd just call myself a stupid ar*e for not grabbing him whilst he was still on the market. I certainly wouldnt pursue him.

Ultimately, unless you have ended a relationship yourself, or you have lived in a marriage-type-relationship with the person until one of you dies, you never get "closure". You might always wonder what it would have been like if you stayed with x/married them/had kids with them.

Honestly, we can't stop you, but even though you convince yourself its ok, you're probably not going to convince us. *good luck though*

flutterby_lil

STAY WELL CLEAR is my only advice!

topsym

I know we will never be together, I don't want that, we have our own relationships with our separate lives. I am not trying to justify what I am thinking about is right, its simply not. However, meeting up with him wont mean I want to get together with him, I'd just like to put an end to my questions.

We never went out with one another back then, and we wouldnt now, but I can still reminice about our time together in the past.

emsywoo123

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Honestly, we can't stop you, but even though you convince yourself its ok, you're probably not going to convince us. *good luck though*

Totally agree with GFH, you do sound like you are pretty sure this is the course of action you want to take.

I would echo those that say don't.

gonzo127

i think you have to answer (and be honest) the question a previous poster has asked.

what would you do and how would you feel if you found out your husband had contacted an old flame that he still had feelings for and really wanted to meet up with them.

if most people are honest about that you would at least feel uncomfortable about it and most would probably be very upset and hurt - which should go to show you how much something like this is playing with fire

gratefulforhelp_2

topsym wrote: »

I know we will never be together, I don't want that, we have our own relationships with our separate lives. I am not trying to justify what I am thinking about is right, its simply not. However, meeting up with him wont mean I want to get together with him, I'd just like to put an end to my questions.

We never went out with one another back then, and we wouldnt now, but I can still reminice about our time together in the past.

But from earlier posts, it seems you "did the deed" so the relationship is hardly platonic.

topsym

I agree! but how to stop my enquiring mind?????

topsym

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

But from earlier posts, it seems you "did the deed" so the relationship is hardly platonic.

I know, but that was 12 years ago, and we were just friends before & after that.