Am I being awful?

ddebski_us

For what it's worth, if you truly thought there was nothing wrong with meeting up with him, you wouldn't have asked for advice on a forum..........

xDx

jinky67

IMO you are living the past and doing your hubby a huge disservice by not giving him your all

I would be livid if my partner was thinking the way you are

But you seem determined you are gonna do it, so why ask our opinions anyway?

whowants2brich

For what it's worth, my suggestion is to get all your questions answered over the phone, talk to him and see what he is now up to and vice versa. No temptation to stray, cause undue heartache, and if it is difficult, the phone can be switched off so as to continue to walk separate ways...

If you have any other mutual friends, try to organise a group reunion, maybe even back at the university you all studied at. Encourage other halves and family members to come along. That way, it will be much more fun, much less intense for anyone, and you will find that you will all have a lot to talk about. Then, you'll be surprised, it will be a lot easier to stay in touch with most of those people you have inevitably lost touch with over the years...

... and this won't wreck two marriages in the process, as is guaranteed if your hubby and his wife are not aware that you're meeting, as 99.9% of the other posts on here have said. The only 0.1% which have not said this are from topsym who is asking the question in the first place!

I frequently wonder what has happened to those I went to uni with, but I would never plan to meet them on a one-to-one basis, even though I know that there was nothing that ever happened with them (not emotionally/physically, anyway). Meeting someone with this kind of underlying emotion is only ever going to make meeting up harder, in so many ways... as others have posted!

good luck, and hopefully you'll make the right decision - so as not to see you on here writing about divorce issues in the future...!

gremlin

OP you know what the right thing to do is. You just dont want to hear it. You are lying to yourself and you know it.

I dont mean to be harsh hun, but you know where this will end.

JimmyTheWig

How about you show your husband this thread and see what he thinks?

The thing is, if you meet up with this guy then there is a very real chance that your husband will find out.
If you meet up with this guy, and even if you tell your husband you are meeting him, there is a very real chance that your husband will find out how you were feeling about this guy.

Now, consider how your husband would feel then. Consider how much worse that would be than telling him how you feel before you meet the guy.

So, if you're going to meet him, show him this thread first. If you don't think you should show your husband what you've written then don't even think about meeting this guy without showing your husband.

topsym

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

Because she most likely want's to get jiggy with him, even though she is convicing herself that she doesn't / couldn't...

I dont want a relationship with him, I would like to meet him, I am happy to meet him with other people from uni at the same time, but no I dont want families present, most uni/school reunions don't have families present. Doesnt mean I want to break up both our relationships if i dont want to talk about previous s*xual partners with my husband, I would imagine MOST people dont, or do they??

Kate78

Put him back into your secret garden and move on. If you want to stay in touch, send Christmas cards or whatever and leave it at that.

We all have might-have-beens but they belong in the past.

garthdp

topsym wrote: »

I dont want a relationship with him, I would like to meet him, I am happy to meet him with other people from uni at the same time, but no I dont want families present, most uni/school reunions don't have families present. Doesnt mean I want to break up both our relationships if i dont want to talk about previous s*xual partners with my husband, I would imagine MOST people dont, or do they??

Then meet up with him in secret and do what the hell you want.I dont think you want advice, you want permission.

Pixiechic

Hi,

If he is the one that got away, then he got away. He is now in a relationship and has a child and you are married. All I can see is heartbreak for someone or some people if you pursue him.

If all is above board then speak to your husband about meeting up with him. Maybe you could meet his wife and child and get to know his life now.

Meeting him and not mentioning it to your husand would be wrong and unfair of you. Would you like it if your husband was contacting a woman from his uni days who he liked and had a night with? Who was the one that he deemed to have 'got away'? If he didn't tell you but you found out? Would it bother you?

I also agree with other posts that if you truly believed that this was okay, then you wouldn't have asked on a forum.

topsym

I'm not meeting in secret with others there, i just dont see what dragging families into a uni reunion is about. As I have said I would be happy to tell my OH where I was going, but not about our past forays before we met, as I dont think its necessary to discuss every part of your s*xual history.

His wife and baby wouldnt come as they live hundreds of miles away but i would expect he would tell them he was going to a reunion.