Am I being awful?

onlyroz

topsym wrote: »

Doesnt mean I want to break up both our relationships if i dont want to talk about previous s*xual partners with my husband, I would imagine MOST people dont, or do they??

Who I went out with before I met my husband is irrelevant - and I have no problems with him knowing about previous relationships. However, I know he would be upset if I went behind his back to meet up with an ex, even if it was "just for a chat". If I ever got the urge to meet up with one (doubtful) then I'd let hubby know, and probably invite him along.

eleanora_

topsym wrote: »

I have always hoped to see him but really dont know if i could contain myself if i did see him, i dont want to start some full blown fling or anything like that, but i do fantasise about being with him.

Don't shoot me down, I have never felt this way before ever and have always had these feelings, only for him, and i know he feels the same

I think that tells us everything we need to know, really - this sounds pretty non-platonic to me...

pelirocco

You will probably find the fantasy doesnt live up to expectations , after 15 years you have probably forgotten the negatives , after all if there had been something there you would never have gone your separate ways

gonzo127

topsym wrote: »

I dont want a relationship with him, I would like to meet him, I am happy to meet him with other people from uni at the same time, but no I dont want families present, most uni/school reunions don't have families present. Doesnt mean I want to break up both our relationships if i dont want to talk about previous s*xual partners with my husband, I would imagine MOST people dont, or do they??

why dont you want the familys to meet?

you have stated you want to get to know him again and find how he has turned out, well his family is a big part of who he is (or at least should be) so meeting him without family is not finding out about how he has turned out, in my mind it is more like wanting to re-live your uni days

as everyone has said, it is a dangerous thing you are thinking of doing and does raise other questions about why you so want to meet him, such as are you actually really happy in your marriage as i feel if you was you wouldnt be that interested in meeting him especially without your respective OH's,

as for talking about your previous sex live's well perosnally my wife knows about mine, ok not the 'details' however she knows which of the people i have on facebook that i have slept with and which have been girlfriends

BritRael

topsym wrote: »

I dont want a relationship with him, I would like to meet him...

So what happens if you meet up, and the chemistry is still there (you know it is because you've already spoken), and he wants to get you into bed?? Are you seriously trying to tell us that you're going to refuse??

Also, let's just clear one thing up: you mentioned earlier that you would tell your OH about a 'reunion'. Well...this is not a 'reunion'. If you show your OH what you have written in this thread he will not see it as a reunion either.

If you go ahead, there's only one way this is going to end...

Pepzofio

topsym wrote: »

I'm not meeting in secret with others there, i just dont see what dragging families into a uni reunion is about. As I have said I would be happy to tell my OH where I was going, but not about our past forays before we met, as I dont think its necessary to discuss every part of your s*xual history.

His wife and baby wouldnt come as they live hundreds of miles away but i would expect he would tell them he was going to a reunion.

But you're not going to a university reunion - you're orchestrating one as an excuse to hook up with 'the one that got away'... In fact, you made no mention of inviting others until Vaio suggested it halfway down the second page, and even Vaio didn't actually suggest a reunion - he suggested a meet the families type affair.

If anything the contrived-reunion plan is more worrying than if you were just meeting up with him alone, as you seem to be going to a lot of trouble to (a) see this man (b) prevent your families from meeting and (c) make it look innocent...

Gonzo has it spot on about if you really just wanted to know what he's up to these days his family should be a part of that. If his family can't travel, what's to stop you and your husband going down to visit them, or meeting up somewhere in the middle?

shellsuit

Go and meet him but don't whinge when everything goes t!ts up and people get hurt.

Look at what you have and could potentially lose.


And Yes you are being awful, you're already deceiving your husband and you haven't even met the guy again.

If I knew that my OH still had feelings for an ex, feelings that he had never had with me and was planning to secretly meet her, then I would be devastated.

I think you ought to grow up and not contact him ever again.

fluffnutter

topsym wrote: »

I'm not meeting in secret with others there, i just dont see what dragging families into a uni reunion is about....
His wife and baby wouldnt come as they live hundreds of miles away but i would expect he would tell them he was going to a reunion.

Rather select reunion, just the two of you! You're relabelling a prospective meeting with someone with whom you have 'unfinished business', who you have slept with, who you have 'chemistry' with, and for whom you have feelings that you've never had for anyone else as nothing more than a 'uni reunion'. Talk about denial! You know why you couldn't in a million years expect your families to be involved. Rather hard to stare into each other's eyes and 'reminisce' about what could have (should have?) been when you've got the wife, husband and kids sat next to you! :rotfl:

topsym

pelirocco wrote: »

You will probably find the fantasy doesnt live up to expectations , after 15 years you have probably forgotten the negatives , after all if there had been something there you would never have gone your separate ways

Absolutely,and this is certainly what I am thinking, but I am curious.


I don't want to meet his family, and i'm sure he's not bothered about meeting mine or anybody elses's families that will be at the reunion, we dont know them, its about the friends we had at uni, nothing suspicious about it. TBH I think it might be weirder if his wife met me anyway, esp if she is the insecure type, certainly to be told we had a relationship of sorts at uni, Im sure she wouldnt be impressed!

We are both adults and aware of our responsiblities, and I can fantasise but dont have to act upon it. I'm sure most people are guilty of adultery in their head at some point in their lives if they care to admit it.

shellsuit

topsym wrote: »

Absolutely,and this is certainly what I am thinking, but I am curious.


I don't want to meet his family, and i'm sure he's not bothered about meeting mine or anybody elses's families that will be at the reunion, we dont know them, its about the friends we had at uni, nothing suspicious about it. TBH I think it might be weirder if his wife met me anyway, esp if she is the insecure type, certainly to be told we had a relationship of sorts at uni, Im sure she wouldnt be impressed!

We are both adults and aware of our responsiblities, and I can fantasise but dont have to act upon it. I'm sure most people are guilty of adultery in their head at some point in their lives if they care to admit it.

What reunion????

You want an illicit meeting with a guy for God's sake! Just the two of you, nobody else from Uni, no family members, no OH's etc, that is not a reunion!!