Am I being awful?

topsym

fluffnutter wrote: »

That's probably true, topsym. It's not what you think about that matters, it's what you do. So here you go - here's the advice.... Think about him all you like. But arranging to meet him? That's actually doing something isn't it...

Absolutely!

Fuzzy_Duck

vaio wrote: »

Don’t see a problem…..

Do invite him up and have a “renew the old friendships, catch up on what has been happening over the last 12 years and meet the families” event. Better still if you can also invite other friends from the same era.

Don’t meet him secretly or I guarantee it will end in tears

I agree with vaio. If you want to meet him for friendly reasons only, arrange a meet up where both your families are involved. From your post it sounds to me like it would be a very very bad idea to meet alone and in secret (which is unfair on both your families, regardless of whether it's a 'friends only' meeting or not). The way I see it you are probably longing for a time where you were having fun, and the idea of that happening again is exciting. I'm not entirely sure you could be trusted meeting him alone.

Try to remember that there are plenty of people in life we have, or thought we had, a special connection with. You say you love your husband, but it's worrying you have doubts about who you ended up with, and still have romantic feelings for the other man. Even if both your and his relationship was crumbling I would advise to stay well out of it- there is a baby involved too after all.

As I said earlier, if you want to meet up strictly on a catch us basis, involve your families and have fun. However I'd be a bit concerned that meeting him may either disappoint you if he has changed considerably, or ruin your relationship with your husband if your feelings intensify.

Oldernotwiser

topsym wrote: »

Doesnt mean I want to break up both our relationships if i dont want to talk about previous s*xual partners with my husband, I would imagine MOST people dont, or do they??

I would think that most people do, at least to a certain extent.

topsym

gonzo127 wrote: »

just a few quotes for you to look at to see if you can actually see why all of us think this would be a bad idea

You are right, and curiousity did KILL the cat right?>?!!

Oldernotwiser

fluffnutter wrote: »

That's probably true, topsym. It's not what you think about that matters, it's what you do. So here you go - here's the advice.... Think about him all you like. But arranging to meet him? That's actually doing something isn't it...

I believe that what you think does matter. There is such a thing as being unfaithful in your thoughts and desires.

topsym

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

I agree with vaio. If you want to meet him for friendly reasons only, arrange a meet up where both your families are involved. From your post it sounds to me like it would be a very very bad idea to meet alone and in secret (which is unfair on both your families, regardless of whether it's a 'friends only' meeting or not). The way I see it you are probably longing for a time where you were having fun, and the idea of that happening again is exciting. I'm not entirely sure you could be trusted meeting him alone.

Try to remember that there are plenty of people in life we have, or thought we had, a special connection with. You say you love your husband, but it's worrying you have doubts about who you ended up with, and still have romantic feelings for the other man. Even if both your and his relationship was crumbling I would advise to stay well out of it- there is a baby involved too after all.

As I said earlier, if you want to meet up strictly on a catch us basis, involve your families and have fun. However I'd be a bit concerned that meeting him may either disappoint you if he has changed considerably, or ruin your relationship with your husband if your feelings intensify.

I love my husband and would tell him if a reunion were arranged, Nothing has been arranged.It wouldnt be secret nevertheless.

I HAVE mentioned the call, and I lusted after Mr x whilst at uni, no real romantic feelings, god I sound like a man dont i!!!!!!!!!!

brians_daughter

topsym wrote: »

You are right, and curiousity did KILL the cat right?>?!!

And actions like the ones you are contemplating did KILL marriages and family lives as people had perviously known them, right?

galvanizersbaby

topsym wrote: »

Absolutely,and this is certainly what I am thinking, but I am curious.


I don't want to meet his family, and i'm sure he's not bothered about meeting mine or anybody elses's families that will be at the reunion, we dont know them, its about the friends we had at uni, nothing suspicious about it. TBH I think it might be weirder if his wife met me anyway, esp if she is the insecure type, certainly to be told we had a relationship of sorts at uni, Im sure she wouldnt be impressed!

We are both adults and aware of our responsiblities, and I can fantasise but dont have to act upon it. I'm sure most people are guilty of adultery in their head at some point in their lives if they care to admit it.

I don't think it's particularly weird if his wife were to met you - at the end of the day it is her he has married and started a family with.
You don't know that he feels the same way as you about your sort of uni relationship - at the end of the day it may not have had quite the same meaning to him - it may be you that ends up coming away from the meeting feeling insecure.

I think in light of what you've said here if you were really interested in seeing him again for non suspicious reasons and were just curious you would not have a problem with meeting his family and may even want to meet them.

I admire you that you have the guts to admit that to the feelings in your head but there is no point trying to justify it and dress it up as something else.

flossy_splodge

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I believe that what you think does matter. There is such a thing as being unfaithful in your thoughts and desires.

Sort of agree with you.
Always thought I was being incredibly old fashioned and idealistic in thinking that so nice to know there are others out there with that take on life.:beer:

shellsuit

topsym wrote: »

I love my husband and would tell him if a reunion were arranged, Nothing has been arranged.It wouldnt be secret nevertheless.

I HAVE mentioned the call, and I lusted after Mr x whilst at uni, no real romantic feelings, god I sound like a man dont i!!!!!!!!!!

I give up, not only are you awful, but you are a disgrace.

Either that or this whole thread is a wind up.

Go and meet him, because you will anyway.

Trout.