Am I being awful?

shoppaholic_returns

WestonDave wrote: »

In terms of the original question - at some stage in this "journey" you are either going to find that what you are tempted/enthralled by at this time isn't worth it, or you are going to have to control your response to the temptations or you are going to end up wrecking at least one relationship.

If you seriously thought the first option was likely then you wouldn't be as desperate to follow this up, you'd be expecting him to be the sort of person that you might like a phone conversation with once every five years, and the fact that you've recently had that phone conversation recently would be enough. It isn't because there is still "chemistry" and so realistically you are left with the two remaining options as being the most likely outcomes. Yes it is possible that you meet him and find that he's fat and bald with bad BO but that is really a hope that fate will get you out of making an adult choice.

So if you discount that as a likely option, either you control your response to temptation now, or you have to control it when you meet him and find that whatever his response to you, you still want more of him. It is probably far easier to control yourself now than when you've added more fuel to the fire - so if you've got any sense, delete his email address, lose his phone number and get on with valuing what you've got. If you happen to bump into him in 5 years time fine but don't go chasing something that could be explosive.

What a sensible,well measured reply, see folks what can be done without hurling insults!!

shoppaholic_returns

robin_banks wrote: »

Not half as horrid as potentially leaving a child without a father to satisfy some 'lust'.

Again I think the lust is of old and not current, well that is certainly my interpretation from reading OP comments and replies.

Pixiechic

I just want to add something here. I honestly can't see how you could be attracted to man who has a wife and a baby. Not only that, but to be attracted to a man who was willing to betray his wife and BABY. Personally, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

It is a very vunerable time for this man and his wife as they have a baby. She might not be interested at all in sex at the moment as it's not long since she gave birth and probably exhausted. Having you contacting her husband trying to rekindle some long lost emotions and attractions makes me sick.

You are being very selfish if you pursue this man as that is what you are doing. You don't seem at all concerned about the damage that you could potentially cause.

If this man was ever interested in you, then you would be the one weraring the wedding ring from him and you would be the one holding his baby. You weren't the one and you are still not the one. Maybe, you could be a welcome distraction to him, a flight of fancy. Ultimately you will, at some point, just become a dirty, sordid secret, is that what you want?

You are not the only person to think about here and you would do well to remember that. Many lives could be affected by your rather sad infatuation.

Fantasise as much as you like, keep it in your head and remember the vow's that you made to your husband. Also remember the promises that he has made to his family.

robin_banks

shoppaholic_returns wrote: »

Again I think the lust is of old and not current, well that is certainly my interpretation from reading OP comments and replies.

'Unfinished business' was the phrase the OP used, mind you it is all a tissue of lies.

topsym

Thanks to those of you who contributed adult comments, Shoppaholic and Weston in particular.

I dont intend to break anybody up or have an affair. I don't now lust after Mrx but I DID at uni, I would like to reitterate this for those of you who didnt read my replies properly.

I can fantasise about him,without lusting after him, because I have fond memories of our time together. I chose not to go out with him,as there were other more suited men around who i had more in common with, this would be the same today. However, I can assure you that we have both felt the same chemistry in the past and we just never got the opportunity to be together as boyfriend and girlfriend, or indeed had the inclination.

I am interested in what he is doing now, although everybody chooses to see the situation as sordid, even though I have said a reunion with others would be the way for us all to meet. Whatever I say I will be shot down by some of you, whose sole motive seems to be to call me names for daring to think openly.

I genuinely value the advice from those of you kind enough to try to help, and am certainly not wasting my time making things up? What would be the point there!

Thankyou.

clearing_out_my_pockets

topsym not sure if you saw my post. I certainly didn't meet up with my ex hoping for something to happen. I was in a relationship (albeit it wasn't a happy one) but rather than getting closure it reignited my feelings. You can't say for certain that this won't happen.

minnie123

topsym wrote: »

Thanks to those of you who contributed adult comments, Shoppaholic and Weston in particular.

I dont intend to break anybody up or have an affair. I don't now lust after Mrx but I DID at uni, I would like to reitterate this for those of you who didnt read my replies properly.

I can fantasise about him,without lusting after him, because I have fond memories of our time together. I chose not to go out with him,as there were other more suited men around who i had more in common with, this would be the same today. However, I can assure you that we have both felt the same chemistry in the past and we just never got the opportunity to be together as boyfriend and girlfriend, or indeed had the inclination.

I am interested in what he is doing now, although everybody chooses to see the situation as sordid, even though I have said a reunion with others would be the way for us all to meet. Whatever I say I will be shot down by some of you, whose sole motive seems to be to call me names for daring to think openly.

I genuinely value the advice from those of you kind enough to try to help, and am certainly not wasting my time making things up? What would be the point there!

Thankyou.

So why did you say you didn't know if you would be able to control yourself if you met up?

Also if I got in touch with an old friend I would be interested in the whole of their life now including their partner and children if they had them.

topsym

We have spoken about families, children etc and I cant say that we wouldnt speak about that when we met up, but I would like to see the person I knew from back then, and talk to him,as i dont know them.

As for the control issue, I was a little OTT on that issue,for which I apologise. I think it would be more about me wanting to find out what all those years back was going through his mind.

minnie123

If the shoe was on the other foot and it was you OH meeting up with an ex who he fantasises about how would you feel?

Bitsy_Beans

With all due respect OP you entitled your thread as "Am I being awful" - YOU clearly thought something wasn't quite right and asked for opinions on the subject. Granted some of the name calling was unwarranted but from comments you've made there is more to this than just wanting to meet up with a old friend - at least that's the impression I am getting from your posts.

the point about fantasy is just that. It's a fantasy. Arranging to meet up makes it no longer a fantasy but something real.