Best Man Question

*Louise*

lol, I saw it.

So £60 per couple....nice of them to help out with that suggestion. Lord help anyone who only gives £50 as a gift...

scottishminnie

How dreadful OP - you are well rid of the hangers on - it was a parasitic friendship by the look of things anyway. It did make me think back to my own wedding where we had major drama with the best man.

My husband wasn't allowed to ask his best friend to be best man as his mother had already asked his brother who could barely find the time of day to speak to him. So since hubby wasn't capable of standing up to the old witch then he went along with it and made it clear from the start that we, bride and groom would be paying for the rental of best man's kilt outfit. Well the witch found out we were planning to buy a kilt for hubby (as we had at least another 6 weddings to attend over the next 18 months) and hire one for the best man. She caused the biggest row ever, saying how dare we expect him to wear a sweaty rental while the groom wore something which had been bought. In the end both kilts were hired.

Best man "organised" the stag do which was no more than a pub crawl (20 years ago stag nights and hen do's weren't much more than a drinking session) and asked me if I would give him £50 to "put behind the bar for drinks" - he claimed the groom traditionally did this but he didn't want to bother hubby at the time. I niaively gave him the money - found out months later that hubby had paid for the drinks most of the night and there never was any money "behind the bar"

He also received a gift for being best man - pair of cufflinks - silver from memory not terribly expensive but we were skint so every penny counted.

And the final sting in the tale was finding out, again months after the wedding, that a few days before the wedding hubby's brother announced he had been asked to work on the day of the wedding and as it was a Saturday it would be double time or time and a half and him and his wife were really skint so he would have to take it and may be running tight for time getting to the church. Hubby ended up giving him money (never did find out how much) to make up for his lost pay because he was worried he wouldn't get there in time if he worked.

Oh and I paid for bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair, make up and gifts and they both kept the dresses - which I believe were later sold on.

Can you tell I'm still mad about it 20 years later?:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

BallandChain

How do you get on with the in-laws now Minnie? My wedding was a fiasco and we are now divorced!

74jax

scottishminnie wrote: »

How dreadful OP - you are well rid of the hangers on - it was a parasitic friendship by the look of things anyway. It did make me think back to my own wedding where we had major drama with the best man.

My husband wasn't allowed to ask his best friend to be best man as his mother had already asked his brother who could barely find the time of day to speak to him. So since hubby wasn't capable of standing up to the old witch then he went along with it and made it clear from the start that we, bride and groom would be paying for the rental of best man's kilt outfit. Well the witch found out we were planning to buy a kilt for hubby (as we had at least another 6 weddings to attend over the next 18 months) and hire one for the best man. She caused the biggest row ever, saying how dare we expect him to wear a sweaty rental while the groom wore something which had been bought. In the end both kilts were hired.

Best man "organised" the stag do which was no more than a pub crawl (20 years ago stag nights and hen do's weren't much more than a drinking session) and asked me if I would give him £50 to "put behind the bar for drinks" - he claimed the groom traditionally did this but he didn't want to bother hubby at the time. I niaively gave him the money - found out months later that hubby had paid for the drinks most of the night and there never was any money "behind the bar"

He also received a gift for being best man - pair of cufflinks - silver from memory not terribly expensive but we were skint so every penny counted.

And the final sting in the tale was finding out, again months after the wedding, that a few days before the wedding hubby's brother announced he had been asked to work on the day of the wedding and as it was a Saturday it would be double time or time and a half and him and his wife were really skint so he would have to take it and may be running tight for time getting to the church. Hubby ended up giving him money (never did find out how much) to make up for his lost pay because he was worried he wouldn't get there in time if he worked.

Oh and I paid for bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair, make up and gifts and they both kept the dresses - which I believe were later sold on.

Can you tell I'm still mad about it 20 years later?:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Oh My Lord!!!! I do hope your day was lovely though, but I bet your blood was boiling.

Hope hubby now puts you before his wonderful brother and 'the witch' :rotfl:

scottishminnie

BallandChain wrote: »

How do you get on with the in-laws now Minnie? My wedding was a fiasco and we are now divorced!

we're still together:)

it took another 10 years of misery after the wedding though before he finally saw his mother's true colours when she claimed I'd brainwashed my husband into making a decision and he finally saw the light. I haven't had any contact with his parents or 3 mentally unstable sisters for the last 10 years, he sees his parents once a quarter and doesn't see his sisters at all and we see his brother now and again - he's also seen the light and avoids his parents most of the time.

They are absolute nutters though - his parents are having a retirement do in a few weeks and hubby was contacted by one of the loopy sisters (junior witches as he calls them!) to ask if he would contribute £150 towards the function although she said it would probably be better if we didn't attend in person!

split_second

i'm going to be a best man in 18 months, the couple are skint (she is a student, he works for a charity), if i have to have a 'special' suit (i.e not one i can wear whenever i need one) i'll rent it, if its a normal one i'll buy it and reuse it (probably next sale one lol)

if they are really skint i would offer to pay for my own suit, although groom is going to the church in the groom's battered wreck of a car

GobbledyGook

split_second wrote: »

i'm going to be a best man in 18 months, the couple are skint (she is a student, he works for a charity), if i have to have a 'special' suit (i.e not one i can wear whenever i need one) i'll rent it, if its a normal one i'll buy it and reuse it (probably next sale one lol)

if they are really skint i would offer to pay for my own suit, although groom is going to the church in the groom's battered wreck of a car

I think it's nice that you'd offer.

When I got married our Best Man and BM were also a couple and offered to pay for their own stuff. We turned them down, but when the BM wanted a dress that was way over my budget I allowed her to pay the difference so she could have it. She wanted more expensive shoes than my budget so again she paid the difference (her shoes were dearer than mine!). The Best Man decided to buy his suit rather than hire it, but we chipped in with £200 towards it. They decided to make a whole weekend of it (they lived about 25 miles away) and booked into the hotel from the Friday to the Monday - wedding was Saturday.

Two weeks before the wedding they complained that "our sodding wedding" was costing them a fortune and demanded we reimburse them as we could easily afford it.

It's such a shame that so many friendships get ruined over weddings and money. The Best Man was my ex's best friend since they were about 4, but they've never spoken since.


I felt a bit sorry for the couple in the OP in the beginning as it's rotten when something comes up so late on, but it sounds like the OP is better off out of it.

Glad

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Steel_2

I got stung being a bridesmaid years ago to the tune of about £500 and have routinely turned down any requests to be a bridesmaid since. I was told at the cash register of the wedding shop that the bride could afford a token payment on the dress only so could I foot the bill for the rest. I was also presented with shoes, underwear and costume jewellry.

It was still fresh in our mind at our wedding and we paid for everything except one bridesmaid dress, and that was because that bridesmaid's grandparents wanted to pay for the dress. My best mate turned up from Australia and I wanted to pay for the flight which she refused - we had a tussle over that, which she won. In the end I insisted on no presents from her and that she stay at my house during her trip. Which she did and she still sneaked a gift in when I wasn't looking.

I echo everyone's sentiments so far - you are well off out of this friendship and the wedding of a couple of selfish bastwards.