Best Man Question

claretmatt

I have been asked to be the Bestman at a wedding with my partner being bridesmaid.

Its an honour, but am concerned about how much its actually costing us to make someone else's day so special.

I get the impression my friend thinks we are very well off, but having had a new baby 6 months ago, partner on maternity leave and being self employed I think he is a little off the mark.

So far I worked the bill out as
suit hire £70
bridesmaid dress £60
Shoes to go with dress £70
Hotel £100
Stag Do £160 + travel + spends
Hen Do £50

I accept some of these are reasonable but think when the final amount will be over £700 then it is asking a bit much. Its more than i'll spend on a weeks holiday for the three of us. These things just cropped up along the way and i'm maybe a little too far down the line to voice my thoughts.

Just wondered if anyone had opinion as to what is reasonable.

LittleMissMuppet_2

The bride and groom should be paying for your suit and her dress!

go_cat

As soon as you know details of where it is book your hotel to get the best deal and maybe look at not going to the stag/hen nights using a 6 month old as a reason without appearing too mean

Its a hard decision when you are both a main part of the wedding party

pukkamum

Are you sure you are going to be aasked to pay for your suit and the bridesmaid dress?
Most brides would be paying at least for the bridesmaid dress if not the best man suit too.

I know how you feel though my sisters wedding last year cost me at least £400 all in with hen do's etc.

I'm afraid you only have two choices don't go on stag or hen do etc or just suck it up and hope they don't divorce!!!!

claretmatt

Yes definately having to pay for all the things, but what leaves a sour taste is that I "think" they are subsidising the sisters dress and fathers suits.

I guess we're going to have to take it on the chin, but will have to subtly hint at some stage as to how much it cost.

kazwookie

Are the bridesmaid dress and shoes actually bought yet? or are these estimated costs?

The reason for asking, if not bought, some where on this site, there is a thread where the ladies hunt down the deal for the same items but at a fraction of the original price, that may help.

Hotel:- look for the 'lodge' type deals / lastminute. com

claretmatt

Dress has been bought and were chosen my bride in her colours. I think oh can wear it again. Suit has been hired.

Wedding do is in the middle of no where with no other hotels around for miles

kazwookie

Give us a vague location of wedding & date, I bet there may be B & B's locally, let us see what we can do for you.

gratefulforhelp_2

I think you need to work out what you can pay and explain to the bride and groom what the situation is. I would not expect you to have to pay for bridesmaids dress or suit hire unless you have insisted on choosing yourself.

falady

Hi there,

I can understand how you feel - weddings can be very expensive! Perhaps you could hint to your friend that finances aren't what they were, given that you have a young baby and your wife is on maternity leave. That may prompt them to offer to pay for some things.

I got married 2 years ago and tried to be aware that not everyone had loads of money to spend on OUR special day. My hen do consisted of a day out, then meal and drinks in the evening. Friends could come to as much or little of it as they wanted to / could afford. OH and i also paid for bridesmaid dresses (though not shoes) and jewellry for the day was our gift to them. The men just wore suits that they had. Best man had to buy one, but needed one anyway for interviews etc and has worn it since.

I am about to be bridesmaid for my best friend and she is paying for my dress and shoes and makeup etc. I have offered to contribute, but she understands that I am on maternity leave (due to pop in 5 weeks!) and we don't have much spare cash at the moment. What we do have is mostly going on the baby. However, the hen do and trips back and forth for dress fittings have been added up cost-wise, even though she has not been extravagant in these things.


I guess what i'm trying to say is that its expensive for everyone and requires understanding of people's circumstances and a bit of a balancing act, and it sounds like your friend has got this wrong. However, he wont know if you don't tell him.

Good luck in working it out.

Ali

indebtinsussex

when we got married we paid for everything for the bridesmaids and bestman, I would never have expected them to pay for their own bits, and likewise when I was bridesmaid, the brides have always paid for everything