Best Man Question

betti911

Weddings are such an expensive business! For ours though we're paying for the best mans outfit and the bridemaid dress, shoes, makeup etc. I would be embarassed to have it any other way. Its our choice to have a big (or medium) wedding so we should foot the bill out of our budget.

Re stag/hen dos- that is a worry for me as one of my friends is shortly going to give birth and money will be tight but I've decided not to go abroad and pick up a good deal locally which will hopefully be affordable for everyone. My other half is off to Amsterdam so goodness knows how expensive that'll be!

I hope your friend comes round and realises he's being unreasonable. Weddings are stressful times... maybe you caught him at a bad moment.

Make-it-3

If your outfits are being dictated too by the bride & groom they should definately be paying. But as you've discovered its difficult to backtrack now, any money that would have been set aside for this has probably been spent on some other fancy, unnecessary wedding frithery. However, if at some point the bride offered to pay for the bridesmaids outfit I think you are justified in sending her the bill even now.

Don't book a hotel room, drive home at the end of the evening. Re the stag do, I would dig my heels in and say, no offence intended and offer to take him for a few pints on another date just to mark the occasion.

VK-2008

okay i am recently married if someone asks you to be part of day then they pay for outfits
all you need to do is split costs with hen / stag party attendents
and if you choose to stay over in hotel then you pay

but apart from that you should not need to do anything

Person_one

Just to concur with the general consensus that the happy couple should pay for the best man and bridesmaid's outfits. If they can't afford to then they need to pick cheaper dresses, have fewer bridesmaids or find some other way to cut back.

Couples need to plan the wedding they can afford, its really not on to be over-ambitious and then expect others to subsidise you. It might be the most important day of their lives, but to most of their guests its probably just another wedding.

claretmatt

Thanks for everyones advice it helped to reiterate our thoughts.

The groom called me last night and said we needed to talk, good start I thought. Well it was about how upset he'd been and how much he was hurt by my decision not to go on his stag do and how I should have said earlier and face to face.

With it being a sensitive topic and as the conversation got fractuous I agreed that it was late to raise this topic and maybe it would have been better face to face. it was my attempt to offer the olive branch with the aim of trying to move things forward to find a resolution

When I was blamed for not doing enough to help organise the stag do the gloves came off. Consequently I'd asked him for 6 months to give me the names of people to sound out for going and had spoke to face to face or by phone 8 or so people all of which said it was too expensive to consider.

So I explained the position he had put me in and spending £700 on his wedding was way too much and should we really be asked to contribute so much to his day. He did have the cheek to say that we should have budgeted for it.

Well to cut a long story short they are coming over to see us on Saturday morning and i left the conversation saying that it was only money and I wouldn't let it affect their day, the friendship or our day. The olive branch offered once again

I'm just looking to find a solution as he can be stubborn but I do need to get it across that its way too much to ask.

falady

Hi there,

It was interesting to read your update. It seems that your friend and his wife to be still do not understand the position you are in, though I can also see his point about not raising it earlier.

All i can suggest is that you reiterate the cost to you of taking part in his wedding, and explain that finances are tight at the moment becuase your wife is on maternity leave. Your priority is obviously your own family and your new baby.

Perhaps you could say that if you had known it would cost this much, you wouldn't have accepted the honour of being his best man, because much as you would love to do it, you simply couldn't afford to it. I would also mention the fact that some of the other people invited on the stag do thought that it was unaffordable.

Finish by asking him what his priorities are for your limited budget, and leave the ball in his court.

People get obsessed about their own weddings and lose sight of the fact that their guests may not want or be able to take an extra day off work, pay for hotels, clothes etc.

I always make the point that it is the marriage which is important, not the wedding day.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.....

Ali x

claretmatt

The saga continues.

After juggling things on Friday with the baby to speak on Saturday morning he cancelled late on Friday as he said he was working.

Fair enough so I said we could do tonight or Thursday night but could he let me know so I could juggle work and the baby.

Got a text late last night to say that he had yoga tonight and they were going out on Thursday and could I give him some more dates for next week

So replied that it was best to talk sooner rather than later and could he rearrange yoga.

I get the impression for some reason that they blame us for this situation.

shellsuit

Has he got a copy of the contract you signed which said you were willing to put your life on hold to sort out things and also bankrupt yourself to pay for a stag do to keep him happy?

No, it's a load of tosh. When are some couples going to realise that the world doesn't revolve around them when it comes to their wedding?

I'm getting married soon and our best man is expected to turn up on time on the day and look after the rings. That's it.

Weddings can bring out the best and worst in people ~ this is when you see exactly who your friends are.

£700 is an obsene amount of money to spend for someone elses wedding, especially when you have a small baby and someone who isn't bringing a proper wage home.

minimoneysaver

I've had a quick skim through, but I think I would be questioning the friendship after reading the recent updates. Shocking behaviour! Sounds like they are making a scape goat of you and your family. Do you really want to go and spend the day with people like this in this way? I know what my answer would be to that question. I went to a friends wedding a few weeks ago and enjoyed a stay in the Premier Inn, which because it was booked ahead of time was just £29 instead of the £148 that the hotel was asking for where the wedding was being held. The taxi cost me £5 each way. Can't complain at that!

pborojon

I'm getting married soon and there is no way on earth I would expect any of my groomsmen to pay for their suit hire, it's just not the done thing!!