Best Man Question

Nottoobadyet

I was talking to a friend last night (not even in the bridal party) who has already spent about £700 on a friends wedding, and they havent even gotten to gifts yet! Hugely expensive stag do abroad, pricey hen night in London, transport out to country venue. The groom is spending a massive amount on the wedding and I suppose hasn't thought so far as to think that others might not want to.

sexki11en

Unfortunately although you've been given some good advice so far, it's a bit too late now.

There is no way you should have been expected to pay these costs but the unfortunate point is, you agreed to so you really don't have a leg to stand on now.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's not good agreeing to something then months later deciding you've changed your mind.

SK x

claretmatt

Thanks for all the advice its really appreciated.

I do agree with the above that it is too late to start changing things around. its my own fault for agreeing and I never started my "how to say no" self help book. First it was the suit and at £70 I thought hey ok do anything to help. Then the dress which oh said bride would pay for which seems to have gone by the wayside.

I offered to arrange the stag do, but he went ahead and booked it whilst I was away. It is a two night jaunt (not gone down too well with oh having to look after ds) with all kinds of activities. I could was looking at about £70 for one night.

Then we realised that rooms had been booked for them and family but not for us so as bestman and bridesmaid we thought we had to stay over.

It was only when we added it up that we realised it had gone a bit OTT

I'm sure we'll have a fantastic day and the groom is a very good friend (hence why i'm best man) and helped me through a tough time in my life which was priceless.

Ive still got the speech as my chance to get my own back

*Louise*

I never understand the reason for lengthy stag do's - esp ones abroad, just sounds like an excuse to get up to mischief if you ask me :rotfl:


You need to start opening up and being truthgful about your situation. Say you and oh won't be able to attend the stag/hen nights and say it's because you can't afford it with having all the other costs as well

I don't know why people can't just be honest with friends who are supposed to be close. If you can't tell them the truth then who can you tell?

ailuro2

claretmatt wrote: »

Ive still got the speech as my chance to get my own back

phone them now and say "That's the credit card bill in for the bridesmaid's dress, how are you going to get the money to me?"

If they say they aren't paying then tell them you'll not be at the Stag do, as things are very tight at the moment and you can't afford to pay for all the things you have, especially when it's nor traditional.

If they're such good friends you should be able to talk to them about it.

Do it now, or it will spoil your day too.

Whatever you do, don't carp about the price of things in your speech - that would be really 'off'

claretmatt

This situation is driving the other half potty. Im going to call him tonight and explain that her pay goes to zero next month, which is true and that we can't afford to do the stag and hen do due to the other costs associated.

Brighton_belle

well done - this is the right thing to do in my opinion.

RLH33

I think the only thing to do is explain everything and then go from there, at least there will be no misconceptions of you being 'mean' with money.

Mind you it is interesting how these wedding things seem to have gone nuts. When I got married 11 years ago it was the etiquette in all the books I read about arranging weddings that the bridesmaids bought their own dresses and shoes and the best man, usher etc etc bought their own suits etc. We bought presents for the bridesmaids and flowers for the mothers but nothing else. It was a real mse wedding with the men wearing their own suits, they just had to pay for a shirt and tie, and the bridesmaids had £25 dresses from the BHS sale. I do feel a bit mean now though considering what the bride and groom pay for but we really didn't have the money, we were only 23 and had just bought our own house.

Fast forward 10 years and my brother in laws wedding cost us more than our own!! Stag do snowboarding in France, Hen do abroad (couldn't go as I got pregnant but too late to get money back :eek:) another stag do at home, my dress and shoes, wedding present (wedding cake made by yours truly but still cost us about £100 to make). To top it all we were 'required' to stay in the wedding venue that night costing £150:eek: - we were happy to go to the B&B down the road but you know what family politics are! It all got a bit silly in the end but when you added up what we actually spent it was frightening.

falady

H there,

Just to echo what ailuro2 said - please DON'T mention anything about the cost of the wedding in the speech! That would be really rude. :eek: I'm sure you were only joking about doing that, but just in case.....:o

Ali x

claretmatt

Hi I won't be mentioned anything in speech it was very tongue in cheek comment

Stories about his choir boy days should be enough!