Best Man Question

onlyroz

I would suggest, if money is tight, to wear an existing pair of shoes and to not go to the stag/hen do. You can probably also find a cheaper hotel/b&b/hostel etc for the wedding night itself...

claretmatt

Thanks for the help. These things just cropped up along the way and I agreed to each without giving it much thought. The wedding is about two months away so probably too late to raise objections.

In honesty I think they looked at the total cost, wondered how they could save money and thought we would help to subsidise the wedding.

Its a shame that their special day will be tinged with the thought of how much it cost. I'll also be reluctant to be a best man again

Kazz81

suit hire £70
bridesmaid dress £60
Shoes to go with dress £70
Hotel £100
Stag Do £160 + travel + spends
Hen Do £50


We are getting married next year and although we cant really afford to, we are paying for our best mans suit (buying not hiring we think, and he will have it to do what he likes afterwards). In fact, the only thing we are asking him specifically is that he wears decent clean shoes!

Bridesmaids are my sister and daughter, we are buying their dresses too. £70 for shoes is ridiculous-I suggest your OH says no and finds a suitable pair herself for much cheaper!

Hotel costs-look for a b&b, if you make the effort you will find one, there are loads. Try putting an advert local to where the wedding is, and I am sure you will get one.

Stag do is excessive if you are already struggling.

If I were you I would definately speak to the groom (not the bride) and let him know that you cant afford it all-ask him which bits he suggests you cut back on and it could spur him into doing what he should have been doing anyway!

DKLS

claretmatt wrote: »

Yes definately having to pay for all the things, but what leaves a sour taste is that I "think" they are subsidising the sisters dress and fathers suits.

I guess we're going to have to take it on the chin, but will have to subtly hint at some stage as to how much it cost.

Subtle hints are neither use nor ornament.

If the costs are an issue, you need to raise them with the possibility of your man having to turn down the request or as offered above, by doing some very savvy shopping you could bring down the costs down enough so its not a burden and you can enjoy their day.

My missus picked up a stunning pair of designer heels for £4 on and a frock for £12 at TK Maxx on sunday which she intends to wear at her mates wedding next month. Ask around on teh various sub boards here, am sure you would get plenty of assistance in hunting down bargain deals.

claretmatt

Although the cost is an issue my gripe is the belief that we are rich, the expectancy that we will pay (to save them money) and the moral issue

Kazz81

claretmatt wrote: »

Although the cost is an issue my gripe is the belief that we are rich, the expectancy that we will pay (to save them money) and the moral issue

Have you lead them to believe you can afford it? There is no point in saving them money if its going to leave you in a bad position, and not enjoying the day either. Besides, the money you are saving them they will likely use to splurge on something else that they hadnt thought of before-you could be in effect paying for a chocolate fountain, or something equally silly!

Dinah93

If you're good enough friends to be bestman and bridesmaid, tell them you're feeling overstretched and you didn't realise how tight things would be on maternity leave. They can't just expect you to pay for the priveledge of being in the bridal party! We're getting married in 3 weeks, but wouldn't dream of asking anyone to pay for their outfits (have asked bridesmaids and groomsmen to wear their own shoes to save money, but we're not being precious about it all matching), although one bridesmaid has offered which was kind. I value my friends too much to put them in this position where they are under the kind of pressure, and building resentment, that you are now facing. If you're short on cash, or quite simply would rather spend the money on your family, talk to them, and if they don't apologise and reimburse you, simply say while you'd love to go to the stag do, you can't afford to. That's a crazily expensive one anyway!

ellay864

Agree with everything said above. I'd start by saying that while you feel honoured to be asked, you don't think you'll be able to do all of it...suggest maybe you have to miss the stag/hen do's and say there's no way you can afford it taking into account dress and suit hire etc. Hopefully that will make them feel more conscious of your situation so they offer to help out with part if not all the cost. Or say that really only one of you could do it. Or that while you do feel honoured to have been asked, you're not in a position to be able to do it and maybe they have other friends who could commit more. Can you also use the baby as an excuse - won't both be able to leave the baby for the wedding/stag/hen do's etc? I think you have to find as many excuses as you can otherwise you'll have no choice but to be truthfully blunt

Pixiechic

Wow, sounds like you are definately getting the raw end of the deal here! I wouldn't spend all that for someone else'e wedding, it's not your responsibility.

You have a new baby to think of and it isn't reasonable for you to have to spend so much.

I would have a word with the groom and explain that you are struggling financially to cover the cost of it all. Be kind and say that if you were in the position to afford it you would but at the moment that is far from the case.

Good luck and I hope that you have a good time.

Can't believe that the Stag do is costing £160 + travel + spends and the Hen Do £50 :eek:. Why such a huge difference?

Northern_girl_2

I thought that traditionally it was the Bestman who organised the stag do? If this is the case here can you make it any cheaper?