Best Man Question

JAM1376

Our best man was strapped for cash at the time of our wedding (we paid for all suits/dresses shoes etc) and told us so. We wanted him there so we paid for his hotel and offered to fill up his car (he travelled a long way).

If your groom/bride want you there, they will make it as easy as possible for you and a new baby is surely a time we all know can be hard money wise.

Good luck, hope you get it sorted. xxx

claretmatt

I have just spoke to him and told him about OH on mat leave, new baby and finances. I told him that if I paid for suit hire, hotel and dress etc then I wouldn't be able to afford the stag do.

I wanted him think about my situation and put the choice in his hands. I hoped he would want me on his stag do regardless of anything and say I understand lets meet up and try and find a way to resolve this as I definately want you on my stag do. Even if we had agreed to split the costs at least he would have empathised with the situation I was in.

However he said he couldn't believe that I was letting him down, was disappointed but wouldn't hold a grudge against me.

So much for my tactful approach :rotfl:

*Louise*

claretmatt wrote: »

However he said he couldn't believe that I was letting him down, was disappointed but wouldn't hold a grudge against me.

So much for my tactful approach :rotfl:

Sorry to hear that. Some people can't see further than their own little world and how everything affects THEM.

mpet

I always thought that if a bride & groom were arranging a formal wedding with all the bells & whistles, they footed the bill for Best mans suit, bridesmaids dresses etc. The only thing I would consider a bestman paid a contribution towards would have been the stag night.

In my opinion it's different if its a more informal registry office do, when a smart suit would suffice (which a lot of people would have in the wardrobe anyway)

I can't believe you've been told you are letting them down - they must live in their own world thinking others should be paying for thier big day. Don't feel bad about it - you've done the right thing:)

meritaten

the etiquette is that IF the bride chooses the bridesmaids dresses etc - then SHE pays for them. common sense really - would you give a friend a blank cheque to go out and buy a dress for you?
my sis owns a bridal shop and tbh its rare - very rare that the bride doesnt pay for the bridesmaids dresses (only if they choose their own within a colour scheme).
same with the grooms and best mans attire - paid for by either the bride or groom.
my daughter and her OH paid for the rooms for overnight guests including best man and his gf, grooms parents, and mine and OHs (which was a family room as we had the two offspring for the night with us).
daughter read up on the current ettiquette and budgeted according!
its outrageous to expect members of the wedding party to pay out so much for one day! Personally I would decline the 'honour' of being best man and just send a gift! cheeky so and so's!!!! why should YOU spend nearly a grand on 'THEIR' day?

Brighton_belle

MMMmmmm, I'm disappointed in his response OP. I can only hope that he think about it and speaks to a few people and they put him straight.
I think you did the right thing though, so well done for your honesty and refusal to get into debt. Just as importantly, you also listened to how your OH felt about it and took action.
A lot of people seem to go very OTT with weddings these days.

falady

Well done on your honesty OP, and what a shame that the bridegroom was so rude to you. People can be so self centered.:(

FWIW I think you took the right approach, and hopefully your friend will think through the conversation you had together and may change his reaction. I can understand that he was disappointed you might not be there, but think his response was awful.

Maybe you should show him this thread? :rotfl:

cheepskate_2

claretmatt wrote: »

Then we realised that rooms had been booked for them and family but not for us so as bestman and bridesmaid we thought we had to stay over.

They haven't asked you to book a room, you decided to book one. I would cancel the room and just go back home after the wedding.

Maybe they thought that you were paying out enough and thats why they did not put the added expense of a room onto you.

Luella

I agree that most of your expenses should have been covered by the happy couple, including the cost of a hotel room. You should not be expected to pay for their day.
Good on you for talking to your friend, hope he comes to his senses and realise how unreasonable they're being.

Gleek

Oh hun! I hope they get their heads together and realise it was unfair I was dreading my brothers wedding as we couldn't afford to get there & stay over but he's paying for the hotel for 2 nights, 3 nights of kennels for the dogs, their boosters and her outfit etc as money really is strapped and without it we wouldn't be able to go. He's being so generous - as if there isn't enough of an expense on for them both. I feel so bad but hopefully will be ablel to pay some of it back - in someway at least eventually!