Feeling lost

thorsoak

Good to know that you are working through it all Becks - it just shows that standing up to him was the right thing to do ....you'll know better how to handle things if he does kick off again in the future!

You promised "for better, for worse" ....it's just that no-one tells you what the "worse" can be

Good luck for the future!

sassyblue

ah becks, glad things are on the right track to get sorted.

My sister was married to a bully and a control freak she hung on for years totally ground down by him and his equally bullying family until she made the break and surprised herself by how 'easy' it was and how free she felt. She's now buying her own house and has been promoted twice on very good pay now (jealous lol!), she's got her confidence and spirit back we're so happy for her, she's turned her life around so never think it's all bleak, your future is in your hands.

I wish you the best of luck. x

LandyAndy

beckseven wrote: »

Hi-blimey have just logged on and seen all the comments on the thread! I'm so grateful for everyones advice-great to get a lot of different viewpoints and I really appreciate it. Basic update-DH cold facade cracked last night and he apologised saying that he had taken things too far and that he didn't mean what he had said to me all weekend. We had a long talk and he said that he wasn't having an affair and he was just very angry with me. We have decided to try again and have some counselling and make a lot of changes on both sides. Whereas I'm really upset about the whole traumatic weekend and upset about being put through that by him as I feel it was a nasty and unnessary thing to put me through if he didn't 'mean it' I don't want to end our marriage which I went into believing was for keeps without trying to save it. However if he uses this as a threat again I am armed with the knowledge of what to do so it wouldn' t seem so scary a thing to go to-although it isn't what I want. Thanks a million for all your help and I'll keep you updated.

Good. Hope you find your way through it.:)

hngrymummy

Hi Becks. I'm glad you're feeling a bit happier.

I don't know how long you've been married, so this may not apply to you. When you get married no-one really warns you what it's like to be with someone 'forever'. The little niggles that never used to be a problem (chucking socks at the washing basket rather than putting them in, drinking milk from the bottle, leaving used mugs gathering on the windowsill etc) can suddenly seem huge, because there's a knowledge that you can't escape them. No one really explains that different people deal with problems/disagreements etc in different ways that may come accross as cold/frustrating/annoying to the other person. It may be that this has built up in him over time, probably without him even realising it, and all errupted recently.

I think you need to sit down and try and understand how the other deals with problems. I sulk and get moody, which annoys DH, and DH goes silent, which really annoys me. Now we've realised what the other does, it's not quite so bad and results in fewer misunderstandings.

I hope you can get to the bottom of things through counselling and come out as a stronger couple.

larmy16

This is great news and thank you for following it up - I hate it when you never find out the ending!

When you have these massive rows, you can really feel like you hate a person ( generally it is a problem with yourself) but they can clear the air and make way for a fresh start.

Good sign too that he wants to go for counselling.

All the best to you both and your little ones.

Fiddlestick

larmy16 wrote: »

I know of no man who wants out of a relationship unless they have someone waiting in the wings. They just never (unlike women) really (honestly) need "space" or to "find themselves".

Rubbish.

That sounds like you have had loads of people cheat on you and you are trying to justify it by saying that all men only want out of relationships when they have someone waiting in the wings.

I personally have ended two relationships without having anyone else "waiting in the wings" simple because I didn't feel that the relationship and/or the person was right for me any more.

There is no magical difference between me and woman here.

larmy16

Fiddlestick wrote: »

Rubbish.

That sounds like you have had loads of people cheat on you and you are trying to justify it by saying that all men only want out of relationships when they have someone waiting in the wings.

I personally have ended two relationships without having anyone else "waiting in the wings" simple because I didn't feel that the relationship and/or the person was right for me any more.

There is no magical difference between me and woman here.

Well that is your story of course, I have plenty of friends who would say otherwise. That is what I base my opinion on and you may well be an exception.

Well done you have changed my record for being right!

beckseven

Thanks everyone for your well wishes. I think we had stopped communicating with each other-we sat down in front of the tv exhausted without talking, if we went out it was either separately or we'd go to a party or out with someone else so we'd end up socialising but not with each other. We've agreed to have a date night at least once a month and have booked to go out for our wedding anniversary next month. I think the anger had built up about small things and the lack of communication made the confrontation worse when it finally happened and things got out of hand with hurtful things being said. Hopefully we can put this behind us now and become closer again.

sassy_one

Happy outcome

i again echo, I have the best wife in the world
I feel so lucky to have such a happy marriage

mackemdave

It is not illegal to change the locks, you would change the locks if you lost the key, for example.

It is however then legal for her husband to force an entry. Most people would think twice about this, which is why I did suggest it would reduce the chances of his moving back in six months down the road.
.[/QUOTE]
You were not advising her to change the locks because she had lost the key though.....Changing locks just inflames the situation,can be a waste of money and can also lead to costly repairs for the person residing in the property.As long as his name is on the rent book or on the mortgage he has every right to enter the property...even 6mths down the line