Feeling lost

Fang_3

gizmo111 wrote: »

I can't see anywhere where the OP is banking on him paying anything at all, let alone 50% of her bills. Fact is a court and the CSA will decide what he pays and what proportion of the marital assets he gets and when he gets them. His housing problem is not the OP's concern, she only needs to be concerned with housing herself and their children, and if that leaves him somewhere he doesn't like because he can't afford what he would like - well tough - hes made his choices and now has to live with the consequences.

I didn't say that she was and I didn't say 50% of the bills. His housing problem may not be the OP's concern in your eyes, but if a court sees that he can't afford to house himself then the house will probably be sold.

It's all very well saying that he has to live with his choices, but I'm going to wager that the OP isn't that committed to the relationship either if she's 'too proud' to fight for it. She should at least try and keep it civil for the children's sake, because if she doesn't, and he is reasonable, she'll be the one to lose out in the end.

gizmo111

Fang wrote: »

I didn't say that she was and I didn't say 50% of the bills. His housing problem may not be the OP's concern in your eyes, but if a court sees that he can't afford to house himself then the house will probably be sold.

The court will see housing the children as a priority - unless the OP cannot afford to pay the mortgage then highly unlikely they would get booted out just so he could have somewhere nicer. In any event he will have to pay maintenance. What is likely to happen if the OP cannot raise her mortgage on her income alone then she will give an undertaking to the court to use best endeavours to relaease him from the mortgage, he will then get a mesher order (basically a charge on the house) for a % of the property value, to be realised when either the children reach age 18 or the OP starts to co-habit again.

It's all very well saying that he has to live with his choices, but I'm going to wager that the OP isn't that committed to the relationship either if she's 'too proud' to fight for it. She should at least try and keep it civil for the children's sake, because if she doesn't, and he is reasonable, she'll be the one to lose out in the end.

I haven't at any point seen the OP being anyhting but civil. Its a bit difficult to keep fighting for something the other party shows nothing but distaste for. She's already lost quite a lot and he seems totally unreasonable and unapproachable. But as ever we are not behind those closed doors, so have no idea what the reality is. In any event I am only concerned with supporting the OP and her financial situation and that of her children, not analysing the intimate details of her marriage.

Pixiechic

Hi beckseven,

From reading your initial post at the time, I just wondered if you had just had a massive row and it could be resolved. Hence my reason for not promoting any drastic action.

From you other posts it seems now that the relationship is over and divorce is definate.

I really feel for you, it must be heartbreaking and very daunting. I don't know if I could cope very well but as you have children you need to be strong.

Definately go and get some advice and do not let him bully you. He may think that he can push you out and that he can carry on regardless but you have a lot of rights.

First and foremost you are both important to your children and there welfare is priority. Try to be as fair as you can even though he may not.

Get all the legal and financial information that you need and try not to get envolved in arguments with him. He may just be trying to antagonise you.

Good luck and and be the best Mum you can be because he can't take that away from you x

sassyblue

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

I have a work phone and a personal phone, and I am not cheating on my DH. I am only allowed to make work related calls on my work phone (sometimes even evenings and weekends) otherwise I will be billed for the other calls. Just because he has 2 phones does not mean he is contacting someone else. It's very easy to start seeing every little thing as an indication of cheating. Listen to your gut instincts, but please don't torture yourself over it until you have firm proof.

Some people have to have an extra phone purely for work phone l'm not dumb, nor do l think everyone who has a second phone is cheating. Don't read between the lines...!

The OP's post clearly said 'and now having two phones'.

Mrs_Imp

sassyblue wrote: »

Some people have to have an extra phone purely for work phone l'm not dumb, nor do l think everyone who has a second phone is cheating. Don't read between the lines...!

The OP's post clearly said 'and now having two phones'.

Never said you were dumb, you're putting words into my mouth that I never said. Nor did I read between the lines, I read exactly what you wrote which was that you didn't believe that he had any honest reason for having 2 phones. I was merely pointing out that an extra phone is not necessarily an indicator of cheating. I worked for my company for 3 years before I got my work phone - they don't come instantly with a job. My DH could have questioned my 'sudden' extra phone after an argument, and the fact that I have to contact people in the evenings regarding visits to clients and sites, especially when it's confidential and I have to leave the room.

I think that there's no need to unnessarily worry the OP with suspiscions of cheating (suspiscion is all it is, there is no proof yet)- she has enough to deal with right now without the extra stresses.

gratefulforhelp_2

Guys, the OP is going through a stressful time, could we please not hijack her thread with an argument??

eta of course they are all Martin's threads, but you know what I mean.

minnie123

Sorry for my part in it :-( and I totally agree the OP is a real person going through a hard time I want to be here to support her xx

Pixiechic

Mutter wrote: »

Just seen opinion from a 19yr old who thinks he's a journalist at mum's house, snort, :rotfl: watching over a school playground, at the same time as keeping an eye on the local rabid dog. So funny. Haha.

Wow, what you are implying there is wholly unnaceptable.
I think that if you are going to take the highground here, then the ignorant and offensive comments should be avoided.

Fang_3

Pixiechic wrote: »

Wow, what you are implying there is wholly unnaceptable.
I think that if you are going to take the highground here, then the ignorant and offensive comments should be avoided.

Well exactly. I'm quite surprised that two people have thanked it. What sort of people must they be?

gratefulforhelp_2

Some people do thank as a sort of bookmark, but it is a bit full-on.

Becks how's it going?