Feeling lost

gratefulforhelp_2

beckseven wrote: »

Do you know what Gratefulforhelp-I'm half expecting this too. He has been so critical of me recently, he has been acting strangely-not coming to bed when I do and sleeping on the sofa because 'there's no point', always fiddling with his phone and now having two phones-one's a work phone, shouting at me and saying that I am boring because I watch telly in the evenings. He just seems very dissatisfied with things and me and he isn't prepared to go to counselling or anything. I know I'm not the perfect wife-especially since the second baby came along and I went back to work- maybe I've been so wrapped up with stuff that I've neglected him-i don't know. I got married for life but I'm too proud to beg him to stay. If he has got someone else then I don't want him anymore.

Don't let it grind you down, the guilty party often behaves as though something terrible has been done to them, helps with the guilt I suppose. Of course we have no evidence for this yet, but the 'phone thing isn't great.

thorsoak wrote: »

Hmmm....my gut instinct when I read your first post was "there's someone else in the offing" ...second phone - why????

There's another Laydee somewhere or a man....and if you were to move out, she'd move in!!! Stay put - and if you have a joint a/c, look at it carefully - if you haven't already got your own bank a/c, open one now! Are the bills up to date?

beckseven wrote: »

We've not got a joint bank account-i've got mine and he's got his. The bills are up to date. If he has got someone else there is no way she is moving in! If he has 'moved on' so quickly then he can-I certainly won't be. I want to be my own person and not be at anyone's beck and call but my kids for quite a while-I've been picking up his dirty socks for too long and won't be making the same mistakes twice!

If you have any time today, do an audit of your finances, sort out what's what. Get some solicitor's numbers so you can call first thing, they may not be able to see you tomorrow, but say its urgent.

You will have a great new life in front of you, after all this horribleness is sorted out. And I wouldn't suggest anyone rush to divorce when they have kids, but what he has said to you is so soulless and devoid of any humanity that I'm not sure there's another way?

beckseven

I think you are right-he has never lived on his own in his life and wouldn't eat unless i fed him! It's strange the way he won't even talk about it but just says that he can't stand me anymore. Not great for the old self confidence knowing that I'm so bad he can't live with me anymore but to be honest i'm sick of walking on eggshells with his bad moods. Every day when he gets in from work he rants about how hard and bad a day he's had-i don't mind listening once in a while but everyday is just depressing! I'll wait and see what happens. I'm not stupid and he had better not underestimate me.

gratefulforhelp_2

beckseven wrote: »

I think you are right-he has never lived on his own in his life and wouldn't eat unless i fed him! It's strange the way he won't even talk about it but just says that he can't stand himself anymore. Not great for the old self confidence knowing that he's so bad he can't live with himself anymore but to be honest i'm sick of walking on eggshells with his bad moods. Every day when he gets in from work he rants about how hard and bad a day he's had-i don't mind listening once in a while but everyday is just depressing! I'll wait and see what happens. I'm not stupid and he had better not underestimate me.

Don't let it knock your confidence.

Broomstick

Beckseven, you are sounding stronger and clearer each time you post!

Just a thought, and probably completely overkill so unnecessary, but might it be worth ensuring that the children's passports (if they have them), bank account/savings documentation (if they have any) and birth certificates are tucked away somewhere safe and sound for the time being?

B x

gratefulforhelp_2

Agree with that, and if possible at the house of one of your family members if any are nearby.

Fang_3

If he's paying all the mortgage and all the bills, I'm not surprised he can't afford to move out. I wouldn't bank on him paying more than 50% of the mortgage once you divorce, after all he has to be able to house himself too.

gizmo111

Fang wrote: »

If he's paying all the mortgage and all the bills, I'm not surprised he can't afford to move out. I wouldn't bank on him paying more than 50% of the mortgage once you divorce, after all he has to be able to house himself too.

I can't see anywhere where the OP is banking on him paying anything at all, let alone 50% of her bills. Fact is a court and the CSA will decide what he pays and what proportion of the marital assets he gets and when he gets them. His housing problem is not the OP's concern, she only needs to be concerned with housing herself and their children, and if that leaves him somewhere he doesn't like because he can't afford what he would like - well tough - hes made his choices and now has to live with the consequences.

sassyblue

beckseven wrote: »

Do you know what Gratefulforhelp-I'm half expecting this too. He has been so critical of me recently, he has been acting strangely-not coming to bed when I do and sleeping on the sofa because 'there's no point', always fiddling with his phone and now having two phones-one's a work phone, shouting at me and saying that I am boring because I watch telly in the evenings. He just seems very dissatisfied with things and me and he isn't prepared to go to counselling or anything. I know I'm not the perfect wife-especially since the second baby came along and I went back to work- maybe I've been so wrapped up with stuff that I've neglected him-i don't know. I got married for life but I'm too proud to beg him to stay. If he has got someone else then I don't want him anymore.

WHOA THERE!! He's working with younger men and sounds like he's free to come and go as he pleases, so he probably envies their lifestyle and wants it back, as for the second phone he's always fiddling with, NO WAY do l believe one's a work phone only. He has someone else lined up, simple as.

DO NOT blame yourself, HE is the one who will not go to counselling and wants a divorce, as for being too busy with a new baby he should have helped more, how can you neglect a grown man who can fend for himself?

He's a bully and a manipulator. I'm sure pretty soon you'll be glad to get shot of this man, l do wish you the best of luck with your kids and your new life.

Mrs_Imp

sassyblue wrote: »

as for the second phone he's always fiddling with, NO WAY do l believe one's a work phone only. He has someone else lined up, simple as.

I have a work phone and a personal phone, and I am not cheating on my DH. I am only allowed to make work related calls on my work phone (sometimes even evenings and weekends) otherwise I will be billed for the other calls. Just because he has 2 phones does not mean he is contacting someone else. It's very easy to start seeing every little thing as an indication of cheating. Listen to your gut instincts, but please don't torture yourself over it until you have firm proof.

MyRubyRed

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

I have a work phone and a personal phone, and I am not cheating on my DH. I am only allowed to make work related calls on my work phone (sometimes even evenings and weekends) otherwise I will be billed for the other calls. Just because he has 2 phones does not mean he is contacting someone else. It's very easy to start seeing every little thing as an indication of cheating. Listen to your gut instincts, but please don't torture yourself over it until you have firm proof.

Agree with the above. I too have two phones for the same reason.