Feeling lost

Mutter_2

beckseven wrote: »

That's really scaring me now-I'm not going to leave the house now as my kids are my life but he may try and force me as he has nowhere to move to.

As others have said STAY PUT.

A friend of mine was put out of the house when she discovered her H's affair. Went into a hostel, now has a house, but cannot get her three children back as it is felt they are too settled in the family home with father and his girlfriend.
Had she stayed the story would have been different.

If you feel under any threat when you try and enter your home later, ring the police.

paulwf

Do you think he has been planning this or was it a heat of the moment decision?

I'm just wondering if he has had weeks to think this through and perhaps even taken legal advice and worked out he will be in a much stronger position if he asks you to leave. You are in a weaker position as you haven't been able to plan anything, so the best thing for now is to stay put, take your time to think things through and get some legal advice before doing anything.

Watch any joint accounts you have, chances are he has already started transferring the money out to a separate bank account. If I were you I'd be drawing your share out of any joint accounts pronto.

gratefulforhelp_2

Good point, Paul. You can get a stop put on joint accounts, but that would mean you couldn't get money out either. It would stop him clearing them out, though.

How are you getting on?

missdee85

If you kids are the most important thing in this situation take a relative good friend or whoever with you and get him to leave the house. Unless you have been in the situation you would pretty much think the law favours mums - complete bull!!

My ex husband was a bully too and played majorly on my post natal depression and all the fears i had as a result do not let him bully you hence taking someone with you to be strong on your behalf.

The law favours who they are staying with when the legal issue starts so whatever you do make sure he leaves change the locks after he goes everything, then you can sort out whether it is just a normal domestic and can be sorted - trust me you will never forgive yourself if you dont do it i learned the hard way.

Good luck and go kick some butt (not literally of course)
xx

Tuesday_Tenor

>> The law favours who they are staying with when the legal issue starts so whatever you do make sure he leaves change the locks after he goes everything, then you can sort out whether it is just a normal domestic and can be sorted - trust me you will never forgive yourself if you dont do it i learned the hard way.


NO, if you jointly own the house you both have the right to enter as you please so you musn't change the locks.

System

He CANNOT force you to leave hun.


Stay put hun, your kids need you to be there for them as well. Don't let him bully you into leaving hun.

beckseven

I'm staying put-i've said so and he has accepted it. He is putting the house on the market today and is getting the estate agent out today. I feel powerless-i think he will be fair but this is so scary. I haven't told anyone yet-my mum and dad are on holiday and I feel like if I tell as friend it will make it real. I'm so upset-i'm working from home and crying as I do this. He says that he does not love me anymore and there is nothing I can do to change this-he won't go for counselling-it's over and i feel that my life is too, i think that this is my fault and I've broken up my kids family.

kimmi_b

Hopefully someone will be along shortly who is more knowledgeable than me, but I think that if you jointly own the home then he cannot sell without your permission. DO NOT LET HIM TALK YOU INTO SELLING. You may find that you can stay on in the house as part of a divorce settlement. Again I am not knowledgeable in these matters - someone may know more. Get yourself to a free consultation lawyer, find out what your options are in terms of Legal Aid, speak to CAB but most of all don't do anything without talking to someone with legal authority.

Edited to add: I notice your parents are away right now. Is it possible he has timed this split to coincide so you don't have support and he can ride roughshod over you? Please please don't be bullied into making decisions before you have spoken to someone about your rights.

flutterby_lil

Aww big hugs hon, he is making very hasty decisions unless he has had this planned. Can you not suggest sitting down and talking? I know he wont go to counselling but he at least owes it to you to talk.

Don't blame yourself - has something led to this, has something happened to make him come to this decision overnight so to speak.

Sending lots of positivity your way, chin up.

gratefulforhelp_2

beckseven wrote: »

I'm staying put-i've said so and he has accepted it. He is putting the house on the market today and is getting the estate agent out today. I feel powerless-i think he will be fair but this is so scary. I haven't told anyone yet-my mum and dad are on holiday and I feel like if I tell as friend it will make it real. I'm so upset-i'm working from home and crying as I do this. He says that he does not love me anymore and there is nothing I can do to change this-he won't go for counselling-it's over and i feel that my life is too, i think that this is my fault and I've broken up my kids family.

kimmi is correct about this. If you jointly own the house, you have to both agree to sell it. A solicitor would advise you to stay put and if you don't want to sell - or estage agents traipsing all over your house, you could ring round the agents and tell them *your address* will not be able to be sold as you are the joint owner and do not agree to it for the foreseeable future.

I echo what has been said, he sounds like a dreadful bully.

I would (and have) changed the locks in this situ, you can allow his access to get his stuff, but you really don't want him to find it easy to move back in later without your permission or knowledge. I know of people who have done this, and you don't need that.