Feeling lost

ailuro2

I don't think you're allowed to change the locks, if he is a joint owner he is entitled to force entry, iirc.

Get some professional help tomorrow, when the estate agent comes make it clear you are a joint owner and do not give them permission to act on your behalf.;)

beckseven

I think that this has been brewing for a while-I'm not sure if I can afford to buy him out of our house. He says that he wants to be with someone who loves him-he thinks I don't. He says that he is unhappy and wants out. Can we sell the house before he starts divorcing me or does it have to go through court? i think he just doesn't want to live with me anymore but has nowhere else to go-and can't afford to rent a flat-that's why he's in such a rush so he can start again afresh without me.

geri1965_2

What the hell is this man doing? Firstly, he wants out of the relationship so HE should be the one to leave, NOT YOU. I'm glad you stood your ground.

Secondly - regarding the sale of the house, where does he expect HIS children to live? I dare say he thinks he can sell the house leaving you with nowhere and the children will have to go and live with him!

You need to get legal advice, and get it quick!

beckseven

I've just spoken to him about this-he says that he just getting the estate agent to value the house not put it on the market. He is so cold

Mutter_2

You may be pleasantly surprised at what you may be able to afford beckseven.
Dont lock him out, he is entitled to force entry and that would upset the children.
Do not agree to the house being sold. Only a judge at a final hearing can order that, maybe 18 months away till that stage.
Book a free 30 mins with two or three family lawyers. Decide which you feel most comfortable with and go with them.

Don't listen if he says you have to sell, there are many variables when you have children.
Join wikivorce and ask questions, there are lawyers there who give their time foc. http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Community-Home-Page/

Don't leave us though will you?

thorsoak

beckseven wrote: »

I'm staying put-i've said so and he has accepted it. He is putting the house on the market today and is getting the estate agent out today. I feel powerless-i think he will be fair but this is so scary. I haven't told anyone yet-my mum and dad are on holiday and I feel like if I tell as friend it will make it real. I'm so upset-i'm working from home and crying as I do this. He says that he does not love me anymore and there is nothing I can do to change this-he won't go for counselling-it's over and i feel that my life is too, i think that this is my fault and I've broken up my kids family.

Why should you think that it is all your fault Becks? He is the one who has decided it is over - he is the one who says that he doesn't love you and that you can do nothing about it - but he is the one who refuses to contemplate counselling.

From what you have written so far, I think he is preying on your current vulnerability - to me, his actions smack of bullying! Don't let him bully you girl - stand tall - and stand up to him - you have started by telling him you won't move out!

beckseven

I've decided to stop the crying and get practical and strong. Thanks for everyone's help and advice-you've been fantastic. He is a bit of a bully and I'm not going to let him walk all over me-no way. I am a strong intelligent person and I think in the past 13 years he has made me lose my confidence-looking with perspective he is a very selfish person and thinks about himself first-in the past I have done all the housework, childcare, ironing, cooking, clearing up, planning holidays etc plus worked 30 hours a week whilst he just does what he pleases. For instance at the weekend if I work shifts he moans about being 'stuck with the kids' and not being able to do anything. I think he wants to be a single man about town again. anyway enough about him-ive gone on entitled to.com and have seen that being a working parent on my own I'm actually entitled to quite a bit of help-I've never claimed benefits before but if I have to I will. I'm an extremely resourceful person with lots of close friends and family who will help me out so I am lucky. I'm going to keep things amicable with him but I am not going to let him walk all over me. If he is my ex I will not let his sulks and moods affect me anymore because I don't really need to try and keep him happy anymore. In a way I wish he had somewhere to go so I don't have to see his miserable face any more. I feel like I'm going a bit mad with these highs and lows in mood but at least I know there is a way forward.

minnie123

Some really good advice given so far. The way he is doing this though seems very peculiar to me saying one day he wants a divorce and then the next day already talking about selling the house, it seems a very childish way to go about things almost like he is just trying to get a reaction from you. Surely most adults if they didn't want to be with someone anymore would firstly move out give it a bit of time and then discuss things adult to adult not throw their toys out the pram like he is doing I know a lot of break ups end up messy but why has he gone like this immediately. It sounds like he has still not calmed down from the argument (does he even really want to split - or is he still angry??) I think he needs to move out and you need a few days apart to calm down and then discuss things.

I had a similar experience my BF was treating me very badly and I felt he no longer loved me an I didn't know what else I could do to fix it - after months of things getting worse I moved out of our house and went back to my parents. I arranged for an estate agent to come and value the house quite quickly but deep down it wasn't what I wanted and I wanted to see what reaction I got from him did he care or not. Anyway I know nobody knows what is the case here just giving a different suggestion??

minnie123

beckseven wrote: »

I've decided to stop the crying and get practical and strong. Thanks for everyone's help and advice-you've been fantastic. He is a bit of a bully and I'm not going to let him walk all over me-no way. I am a strong intelligent person and I think in the past 13 years he has made me lose my confidence-looking with perspective he is a very selfish person and thinks about himself first-in the past I have done all the housework, childcare, ironing, cooking, clearing up, planning holidays etc plus worked 30 hours a week whilst he just does what he pleases. For instance at the weekend if I work shifts he moans about being 'stuck with the kids' and not being able to do anything. I think he wants to be a single man about town again. anyway enough about him-ive gone on entitled to.com and have seen that being a working parent on my own I'm actually entitled to quite a bit of help-I've never claimed benefits before but if I have to I will. I'm an extremely resourceful person with lots of close friends and family who will help me out so I am lucky. I'm going to keep things amicable with him but I am not going to let him walk all over me. If he is my ex I will not let his sulks and moods affect me anymore because I don't really need to try and keep him happy anymore. In a way I wish he had somewhere to go so I don't have to see his miserable face any more. I feel like I'm going a bit mad with these highs and lows in mood but at least I know there is a way forward.

Fairplay to you - hasn't he got family or friends he could go to?

gizmo111

You don't have to be in a position to afford to buy him out - he is equally responsible for providing a home for the children, and most likely will end up with a charge on the house, known as a mesher order to allow you to stay there with the children. He will have to pay maintenance as well - check out the CSA website. Now is the time to start planning your finances and as others have said if there are joint accounts and bills then sort out asap. Gather together and copy any statements of savings etc that he has and any debts joint or in your name.
Just because he is living in the same house doesn't mean you can't start claiming as a single parent tax credits etc. In reality he could be there for a long time - now is the timeto reorganise the sleeing arrangements so you have your own space.
Even though the EA is coming for a valuation only, make sure that he knows you are not in agreement with any proposed sale.
This website www.ondivorce.co.uk is a wealth of good information and support.