Just found out I'm pregnant - am scared

Pixiechic

Hi Chocciefan,

I hope your'e boyfriend isn't trying to convince you or bully you. It's your decision and yours alone.

Do your parents know about the pregnancy? Do you feel that you can speak to them about it? If not the organisations in the previous posts could be useful for you.

Good luck

mountainofdebt

Chocciefan

I just wanted to say that whilst your ex may not want to be a father, the situation he finds himself (at the moment) is that he is going to be come a father.

The most important thing here is what you want ......and believe me if you want this baby then you will cope - with or without his support.

You say that the baby won't be loved by both its parents.....but the baby will only need the love of those who love it - and I'm guessing you and your family will give it all the love in the world

As for there always being a connection that's true but from the sounds of it the ex would only be a cheque book dad .....ie will provide financial support (either voluntary or being forced) and I wouldn't mind betting, when you met the man who you are worthy of, it will be your ex that is the jealous one after he realises what he thrown away

hitchins

Hi Choccie,

Been following your thread and really feel for you. I do think, however, the only resentment that will come out of this will be towards your bf if you decide to terminate to save your relationship. As everybodyelse has said, do what YOU want. Wish you all the best x

Mutter_2

I'm sorry to read you are having a bit of a wobble, choccie.
I never wanted children, ever. Always the career woman. Strangely though children were attracted to me. I'd hate it, whilst sitting in a beer garden for instance when a toddler would invariably make a beeline for me.

At the age of 40, single and old enough to have known better I found myself pregnant. I screamed when I saw the blue result, not with joy either.

It was the father in my case who wanted the child, not me.
Was offered termination due to age. I dithered and dathered until it was too late in those days anyway.

I went through pregnancy feeling no connection whatsoever with the baby.
At age 41, I gave birth to my daughter and a miracle happened.
I had never felt such immediate love in my life. The miracle was the overwhelming maternal bonding I felt. I even immediately breastfed her, something I'd told my Dr I was totally against.
She was and still is the best thing in my life. I have loved every single moment of being a mother.

I married her father, sadly 22 years later going through a difficult divorce. He has told many lies about me to friends that I'm only now discovering. He has also told them that I am the most fantastic mother any child could have. So I got something right.

There is no more important or rewarding job in the world, than raising a child to be a useful member of society.
She is now a very independent young lady, so it swells my heart with unashamed pride when she rings telling me the latest in her own career.

If from such a poor start I could get it right, so you will too. Who knows, the miracle could happen to your boyfriend as it did me.

hitchins

Mutter that has brought a tear to my eyes. :A

kittiej

"I could see the pain etched across his face as he explained all the reasons why he doesn't want the baby".

He isn't going to be having the baby though is he? Even if you terminated I don't think there is anything to be salvaged and your relationship won't survive because there will always be resentment lurking in the background.

You are in the unfortunate situation that not only are you being affected by your hormones (which is bad enough) but you have an ex like this to contend with.

I would keep away from each other for a while, you don't need to feel 'his pain', not one bit do you, and if he wasn't so selfish he'd have the respect to stop giving you negatives - because of how it will affect him.

Honestly, if your child was to turn out like you then I can assure you there is little to worry about.

You think you're the selfish one? No my dear, selfish is as selfish does and who's the one being awkward because he can't get his own way?

You will start to feel better in a few weeks and will become radiant and then he will be the one with regrets.

Sorry for going off on one a little but what a twonk :rotfl:

emsywoo123

kittiej wrote: »

You will start to feel better in a few weeks and will become radiant and then he will be the one with regrets.

:

I totally agree with this actually.

I split with my bump's father at 8 weeks, and felt really awful, as I left him due to alcohol issues (his!), but have some empathy in that I was bringing a child into the world with 2 supportive parents etc...........

1st trimester is absolutely known for the rush of hormones and emotional rollercoaster.

As my pregnancy progressed I became more confident at my decision, and now at 28 weeks I feel better, healthier and ready. (ish)

Mutter_2

hitchins wrote: »

Mutter that has brought a tear to my eyes. :A

Sentimental old fool that I am, even my username is German for mother. She calls me Mutti,( mummy.)

belfastgirl23

You know what though? You aren't even able to have a discussion on this at the minute because your discussion will be based pretty much on emotion and his on logic. It really is a mars and venus thing. your instinct is to keep the baby and his logic is to not keep it. I just don't think there's anything either of you can usefully say to each other for a while in one way except to acknowledge that you're coming at this from totally different angles.

I am glad though that he's feeling something and that it's pain rather than anger. I think that's a good sign in a way. At least he is engaging with the issues which is important, even if he's reaching different conclusions.

This is a really tough time for you. I think two things. One is that you have made your decision and there's no point in going back on it now. You made it pretty much the minute the strip turned blue, you know that yourself. So don't torture yourself with what *could* be when you know it's not an option you want to take - you're only causing yourself unnecessary pain. The second is just to say have faith in yourself and your future. Things do happen for a reason. Use that as a mantra. Have faith that you will be happy again one way or another. It's hard when you're in the depths of despair but in the end however hard it's raining, the sun does come out eventually. And be nice to yourself, have hot baths or facials or buy a few good books or a DVD box set or whatever is your treat...you deserve it.

Please do also talk to your family and friends, I think you need some support in the outside world as well...

Lara44

Belfastgirl your advice is always wonderful :A