Just found out I'm pregnant - am scared

Loopy_Girl

Gavin83 wrote: »

If you don't name the father, you won't get any maintenance off them will you?

And why's that then?:cool:

Yes, you can get maintenance from a father whether he is name on the birt cert or not.

Loopy_Girl

robpw2 wrote: »

the welfare reform act 2008 gives unmarried fathers more rights they have the right to be named on the birth certificate if they wish , a mother will be asked if she turns up alone to name the father

Looks like there will be lots of babies with famous men as their Daddies then eh?

If what you said was true....which it is not.

Loopy_Girl

ljbnotts wrote: »

If a women turns up to register her baby alone (with no parental agreement or statutory declaration) the father will not be put down, it will be left blank. She is not asked to name the father.

The father can be requested to put on the birth certificate in the following ways:

Mother and father attend the register office together.

There is a court order.

There is a signed parental agreement.

Mother comes with a statutory declaration signed by a solicitor or similar. (For example, if the father is in the forces and posted to Iraq or is in Prison)

The above applies if the couple are unmarried, if they are married then either can register the baby.

If the couple later get married then they need to re-register their child upon the marriage, and this can be done by either parent.

LJB

Thankfully this is the correct advice:D

onlyroz

It is your body and therefore your decision. I think for the moment you need to forget about your (ex?)boyfriend - whether you keep the baby or not, don't count on him being around.

Make-it-3

Chocciefan, have you found out how far along you are? If pregnancy hormones have kicked in it can be difficult seeing straight about the smallest thing let alone the situation you are in!!

I think it would be wise just to find out your due date, as terminations are better done earlier than later if that's ultimately your choice.

I'm really sorry your ex has put your head in a spin again. I think you need some quality time alone or with an independent counsellor to help you figure things out.

I worry that this event has ultimately doomed your relationship with him even if you decide to terminate. Should this happen you may find it harder later to deal with the reasoning for the abortion.

I think his views are pretty clear now, at most he has 'offered to do the right thing' but only to keep face with friends/family.

Although you probably still feel quite muddled - I would realistically consider the options to be:

a) terminate and possibly save your relationship
b) prepare for life ahead as a single mum (and rally round friends/family for support)

honeydukes

Just wanted to add a couple of things incase anyone comes by this way again

The decision over putting a fathers namer on the birth certificate isn't a choice over cutting him out or not, it is about parental rights and responsibilities. Correct me if I'm wrong those who know more... putting the fathers name on doesn't make him take responsibility more than before, but since the laws were changed a few years back it does give them parental rights. Don't know if that's just in Scotland. That can be a nightmare if you have a !!!!less absent father. The thought of having my life dictated by his decisions horrifies me as much as my decision to have the baby in the 1st place horrified the ex.

The father can still have a full relationship with his child without having his name on the birth certificate.

And the thing about being a single parent- it's much easier than being in an unsupportive relationship. I have seen many "proper families" and count myself lucky!

chopsticks

Hi Choccie,

I've been reading through your thread ((hugs)).

Something very similar happened to a friend of a friend of mine.

She terminated her baby, assuming that everything would get back to normal. However, her BF then dumped her "in case it happened again" (a matter of days after the termination). He said that he only stuck with her whilst she had the termination to make sure she had it

I'm not saying that your BF will do this, but it is possible, so please bare it in mind.

For what it's worth, from your posts you sound a lovely person and I think will make a fantastic mummy. However, it's got to be your decision and your decision alone whether to continue with your pregnancy.

xxx

chocciefan

Hi again everyone,

Thank you for your lovely best wishes and kind words.

I'm feeling a lot more focused now and happier. I had a bad wiggle and stepping away from the situation helped me to clarify things.

I'm going to have this baby, because I WANT to and I am blessed that I have a chance to be a mum.

I'm going to get things sorted, but one idea is to give up my job and move closer to my family for more support and help.

The baby's father will be named on the birth certificate and will take his surname. I am optimistic that he will play a role in his/her life. How much or how little is yet to be seen, I will take every day by day.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant, so much can change, but I need to stay happy metally and physically for these first crucial three months.

I'll keep you all updated with any developments and thank you for all the advice and information - it is much, much appreciated.

xxx

Make-it-3

Choccie, just a quick note to let you know about the 'less than 12 weeks pregnant' thread. Do come on over for support and advice - they're a great gang there.

Brighton_belle

I've been following your thread chociefan and not posted before, but really felt for you.
I just want to wish you well with your decision: like everyine else, I think you are going to be a wonderful mum and admist the hard work and tiredness have great delight in your child.

I'm thinking the father is very scared, but may well end up being a great dad - as you say, a day at a time. Just keep looking after you.
They do say life is what happens between your plans...