Just found out I'm pregnant - am scared

Siemo

mountainofdebt wrote: »

tbh if you are unsure about your ex's (?) u turn then let him do all the running.........let him PROVE that he wants you and the baby truely and its not just a face saving exercise.

Just wanted to say I totally agree with the above post. Don't make any rash decisions, he's had a shock and reacted badly, and perhaps he's being genuine now saying he wants to reconcile. But you can't just take his word for it, he's got to prove it over time to regain your trust.

Take some time to think things through, give each other space, and let him convince you that he's serious and then see how you feel.

Not sure I would agree about the birth certificate thing though - whatever you think of him he is the baby's father and I think it's cruel (for father and child) for a mum to try and eradicate him.

trickytrolleys

as usual I have only read the OP but I became pregnant - very unexpected and VERY unplanned, my first response was utter horror and I was convinced that i did not want it - anyway, its her birthday soon and it was the BEST decision I have ever made in my life, within hours of finding out I had an 'unwanted pregnancy' it changed to deciding what to do with MY CHILD - she's a madam but I would have her ten times over - no spreadsheet or wage packet could ever compare to the priceless joy i get when i look at her and my heart swells with pure love

Good luck in you decision - im going to read back now and make sure this isnt completely inappropriate

trickytrolleys

right ! it wasnt because it sounds like you are having this baby - go for it chocciefan, you sound very able to do this with or without you partner but DO give him a chance - he may well have been absolutely terrified and just adjusting to things, only time will tell but I can tell that you will be fine with or without him.

Believe me, I did it on my own from the very beginning and it is not as hard as you think, you will be fine !!!

daphne_descends

.............

red_devil

how did your family and friends take the news when you had them round/

FairyShazza

Chocciefan I have read through all of this thread and can honestly say you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and will make a amazing mum.

I am so sorry and disappointed that your ex has reacted this way, when starting to read the thread I really hoped he was just having bit of a panicked moment and would react differently. Like you say it does sometimes show the true side of people in situations like this and maybe it is better that you see this side of him sooner rather than later – would he have reacted the same way in 2, 3, 4, 5 years time if it had happened then? You will never know but I think it could’ve been possible he would as his career would’ve really taken hold then and may be harder to turn his back on.

Update – have now continued reading and have seen your update on your OH.

The fact that you feel his U turn is more about how he will be perceived rather than him changing his mind about wanting you and the baby should be enough reason to think long and hard about what you want to do. Don’t for a second accept him back just because it appears the right thing to do – this is a massive decision and like you say over the past few days you’ve seen a side of him he weren’t keen on. He now needs to prove to you that you does[/b] want you both in his life for the right reasons.

You can still go it alone with him just having input and access, it doesn’t need to be an all or nothing thing – again this is something you need to think long and hard about. I really do feel for you at the moment as this is such a difficult situation and being almost 7 weeks pregnant myself I know how emotional this time is anyway without dealing with a stressful relationship too.

I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make and will keep checking back on this thread to see how you are getting on. I have no doubt that, with or without your OH you will get through this and are treating this in a very adult and mature way – which is difficult when dealing with all the various emotions you are bound to be going through right now.

ljbnotts

robpw2 wrote: »

the welfare reform act 2008 gives unmarried fathers more rights they have the right to be named on the birth certificate if they wish , a mother will be asked if she turns up alone to name the father and just because she refuses to does not mean that he won't get put on the birth certificate now , the father can request to be added to the birth certificate and the registrar is if they are prooved to be the father add them to the certificate.

If a women turns up to register her baby alone (with no parental agreement or statutory declaration) the father will not be put down, it will be left blank. She is not asked to name the father.

The father can be requested to put on the birth certificate in the following ways:

Mother and father attend the register office together.

There is a court order.

There is a signed parental agreement.

Mother comes with a statutory declaration signed by a solicitor or similar. (For example, if the father is in the forces and posted to Iraq or is in Prison)

The above applies if the couple are unmarried, if they are married then either can register the baby.

If the couple later get married then they need to re-register their child upon the marriage, and this can be done by either parent.

LJB

chocciefan

Hi again everyone,

Hope everyone is well. I wanted to post again as I've had an awful couple of days.

I met with my ex boyfriend tonight and feel so guilty about the situation we are in.

I could see the pain etched across his face as he explained all the reasons why he doesn't want the baby.

There were no tears or tantrums, it was just so sad and painful.

He clearly doesn't want to be a father and I am pregnant with his child.

I'm now doubting whether I want the babay. It feels so wrong to bring a baby into the world when it's dad doesn't even want it to exist.

I know there are so many amazing single mums out there, but I am petrified about coping. My family aren't close to me (in distance) and it would either mean moving home or staying where I am. I'm nervous and never want to resent my child. This is meant to be such a happy time and it has been so negative for me - I am so anxious and feel so sick and panicky.

It is such a life changing decision and it kills me that this child won't be supported and loved by both parents.

I'm still so in love with my ex boyfriend, I will always have a connection to him if I have the child. That will hurt me seeing him in the baby, hearing about his new partners if he wants to see his child and just always be connected to him, it will be so painful.

I'm so confused about what to do - sorry for the rambling and if I sound selfish.

grey_lady

You arent selfish in the slightest, early pregnancy is often a hormonal confusing time, even for people with the full support of their family and partner - I can't imagine how awful it must feel to be in your position right now.

It is a huge life changing thing and I guess you have three options, is there anyone other than your ex that you can talk to about this? close friend or family member? Lots of children are brought into this world even when their dads dont want them to exist and do just fine without them and likewise lots of people have abortions and go onto have other pregnancies and other relationships.

So maybe talking it over with someone in real life might help you clarify how you feel.

myothercarisaferrari

chocciefan, so sorry to hear this

You have to do what is right for YOU. There is a lot of help out there for single mums. My godson's mam was in a similar situation as you and she met lots of others at mother and baby groups, toddler groups etc

you boyf has had a shock and I am sure he will come round x