Just found out I'm pregnant - am scared

Artytarty

^^^^ Ditto!

Mutter_2

Hurray! :j:j

Siemo

good for you, you'll make a lovely mummy :T

heretolearn_2

I haven't read all the posts but I think I've got the gist of it. Good luck to you and you know, plently of women have kids and keep up their careers, you don't have to be a Stay at home mum to be a good mum, even if you are single. I'm sure you can do it and achieve anything you want to achieve.

But....

I'm not saying this to be horrible, more to help you feel more confident about sticking to your guns with your ex and not letting him off on the 'but I didn't want this baby' hook if he starts getting funny about his responsibilities. You are both mature and presumably intelligent adults. You had a clear failure of contraception with the condom. Not realising this put you at risk of pregnancy could be excused in teenagers, but not you guys. You both knew this could be the result. Neither of you did anything about it (morning after pill? IUD?). So...at the back of your mind, maybe you wanted a baby? Anyway, from his point of view, if he isn't a moron, he knew you were at risk of pregnancy, so if he felt that strongly he should have brought up going for morning after pill or IUD. He didn't. so he hasn't got a leg to stand on now! He knew this baby was a possibility.

(he sounds like a plonker by the way, so well rid!)

Mutter_2

I don't think choccie would have gone out with a man for so long if he was a plonker. Doesn't fit the image I get.
My favourite saying is; "Life turns on a sixpence."

Anything life changing could happen to any one of us in the next moment, any moment.
Some may go through the moment stunned and agree to all sorts of promises they may not fulfil in the future.
Others may be initially stunned, panic but come good in the future.

One thing I am absolutely sure of. Had choccie not gone ahead with her pregnancy, no way would the relationship had survived. She would have resented him and it would have failed. Now they have a chance, if not as partners then amicable parents.

neneromanova

chocciefan wrote: »

The baby's father will be named on the birth certificate and will take his surname. I am optimistic that he will play a role in his/her life. How much or how little is yet to be seen, I will take every day by day.

I'm glad you've decided to keep the child What you have to think about though is he will make you feel so bad about yourself to try to make you get rid of the child. So if he pours his "heart" out and makes things up then you might terminate and make his life so much easier. I would advise not speaking to him again until you're past the 20 week scan. This way the only person who can influence your desicion is you

I just wanted to mention something about the above quote. You won't be able to put his name on the certificate unless you are married, he is there or you have a professional letter stating he wants to be put on the certificate.

Also I would say think long and hard about giving your child his last name. He could make life very difficult for you in the long run. If he ever resents you when the baby is born and say you're going on holiday, he can stop you. You have to agree with him on EVERYTHING! This is why I didn't put my ex on my DD's certificate.

Also what happens when you have your last name, the baby has a different last name and then you meet someone and get married. You then have to ask permission from the father for the last name to be changed so that you can all have the same name. So do please think about it.

My ex has never seen my DD. He always said he'd be there for me but has never paid anything or been there for her. We now have a new man in our lives, she loves him and calls him daddy which he loves and we're expecting a child together then getting married in 2012. DD's surname will be changed either after the wedding or before she goes to school (Whichever comes first).

Good luck.

kazmc

Hi there
I have been following this thread and think you have made a brilliant decision :j
You can do this, with or without the ex.
My daughters dad decided to leave me the day I gave birth to her as he had, obviously unknown to me, met someone else when I was 7 months pregnant :eek:
She is now 8 and my best friend.

I did just want to say......... please please please think very long and hard about giving your child your ex's surname.
I put my little girls dads name on the birth certificate but she has my surname. It would be a nightmare to have a different name from my daughter. You need to think long and hard about the future... what happens if he meets someone else in a few years and contact stops?? or if you meet someone and get married??
I think you have made this decision as you think its the "right" thing to do......... it may be "right" for now but 18 years is a long time for things to go sour......

I dont mean to put a dampner on things for you but you never really know what someone can be capable of and you need to make sure you and your child are the best team you can be.

I wish you all the luck, being a single mum is the hardest most rewarding job in the world
x

belfastgirl23

The guys above may very well be right about names, surnames etc etc. But you know what. You don't even need to think about those things yet. You have (I think) six weeks to figure this all out after the baby is born. You have no idea what is going to happen between now and then and it's silly to second guess yourself when you have no idea how you will even feel. You'll know at the time what's right for you and baby. No point in ruining this time worrying about something that you can't do anything about right now.

Also to say heretolearn is right you both took a risk, not just you. And your OH could have done something even before morning after pills or anything too, as could you - either of you could have stopped at any time. You both chose not to. That means shared responsiblity in my book.

Do keep posting and let us know how you're getting on. And try to enjoy this time as best you can now...

trickytrolleys

best of luck to you choccie fan, you WILL be fine

hitchins

How you getting on Choccie?:)