Holiday or not?

sueeve

I do not think he will change, so you have choices,
1. Stick with him and accept him as he is.
2. Stick with him and have a lot of miserable experiences, until you finally break up.
3. Break up now.

Not only is he way behind you in independence and maturity, but he does not want to change. He doesn't have to, that's his choice. BUT if you can't live with that move o.

Brighton_belle

Not suprised you're not happy geegee:(
Does kind of say quite a lot doesn't it....

He has reacted very defensively. Maybe see what he says when he has calmed down and actually given it some thought.
He just doesn't seem to have mentally broken away yet from him and mum being the primary relationship.

You're not jealous of his mum, you are hurt by how you are not naturally cherished in your own right. The natural order of things is to leave and cleave...

GEEGEE8

sueeve - I think I'm gradually working my way down to number (3)..

I am not jealous of his mum, she sits at home all day doing nothing apart from probably waiting for him to come home. She has no job and no hobbies and no life if I'm blunt. Why on earth would I be jealous.

I am hurt though that he does this, it's being pushed out and I'm not happy. It's always been like this though, he took about 3 months to tell her he had a girlfriend, then it was 9 months before I even knew where he lived and was shown it from outside. Then another couple of months before I said hi to his mum as I was picking him up to go on holiday. It's always been awkward and I don't have anything against her, but I'm just fed up of having 3 in this relationship.

Also, I know this sounds b1tchy, but she keeps sending things over with him, strawberrys and cake things for me and I'm just not buying it to be honest. And it annoys me when he's like 'isn't that really nice of mum' etc etc..

MarieMc

For years I put up with someone who fit's your boyfriends description to a T, except he had "fallen out" with his mum, and lived with his Grandmother.
They were like a couple in their own way and I felt just as you do, like an intruder.
I still regard the day I walked out and didn't return as one of the best things I ever did in my whole life.

GEEGEE8

MarieMc, yep I do feel like an intruder and I certainly feel awkward if I ever go over there. Which is about twice in 18 months.

He was talking the other day how 'they' are trying to sort out their living room and getting new doors or something.. lovely.. how nice for them.. (do I sound bitter yet?)

I'm a bright, fun and outgong person, well I was until I got involved with him.

He rang and said 'can I come in and get my stuff', 'I said yes', he said 'and then you never want to speak to me again?', I just said 'yes, bye' and hung up. I know it sounds childish but I'm not being drawn into a conversation. That was about 20 mins ago and still no sign of him?!

We don't live together but he has some of his stuff here.

MarieMc

Yeah I left his grandmothers house with a bag of t-shirts jeans and underwear and a laptop he had given me just days before for Christmas.
I considered it compensation for the 4 years of mental torture and lack of social life. (he had the cheek to approach me in work and demand it back)

Wwll Done GeeGee!!!
I hope you have a wonderful time at Uni!
x

Brighton_belle

Not easy for you geegee, and you will naturally feel upset, hurt and loss for the good parts of your relationship and him.

But you are only 27 and an independent ,outgoing person on the brink of an exciting new phase of your life. You have a lot to offer. Your life by xmas will be very full.

Relationships sometimes reach their natural conclusion. And that is what this pre committment phase is for - to get to know each other better to see if you you have a mutually satisfying connection and future togther.
I'm sorry this one hasn't worked out but being increasing unhappy, just isn't the way forward. The balanced has clearly tipped too far the other way for you.

Craftyscholar

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

I guess I also wish he would move out of home now, he's 33 and I'd like him to be more independant and get a life of his own that doesn't involve his mum all the time.

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

Yeh, his dad left when he was 2yrs old I think.

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

I am not jealous of his mum, she sits at home all day doing nothing apart from probably waiting for him to come home. She has no job and no hobbies and no life if I'm blunt. Why on earth would I be jealous.

So when his father left there was just her and her small child. She concentrated on caring for him (maybe trying to compensate for losing his father)

So he is all she has and, yes if he was also a child who was unsure away from her and home, they have become almost like a couple - like discussing things that need doing in their home.

Unless he does break away soon he will at some point in the future find that he has become her carer.

Anyway that is no longer your problem by the sound of things so good luck for the next exciting chapter of your life.

firesidemaid

if he does come round and he/you want to save the relationship it is time to lay everything out in the open........

i was going to say that you can be added to someone's insurance quite cheaply from a day upwards and you can get cashback through quidco;). could u always go on the train/coach?

hope all is well with you x

Zazen999

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

That was about 20 mins ago and still no sign of him?!

I'd be tempted to text him with 'no sign of you thus far, so I have helpfully popped your stuff into a bin bag and left it outside the door; I'm off to x for the evening.'