how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

hi been to the doctor today 2 and half weeks since i stopped taking my anti d's on his advice. first time i havent cried at the doctors for a long time and i had no tears yesterday either. had a positive day with my boys went swimming and we had fun, i actually had a laugh long time since that aswell. hopefully this is the start of my future with me and my boys. think it helped cos had no contact at all yesterday with him need to keep busy. trying to think about decorating the bathroom good friend who has had the same happen to her has said she will help. little steps but some positives.thank you all. i thankfully feel in a better place than i did just over a week ago. hugs to all who need it thankyou so much all.

Schwade

Wendy, that's great. Don't contact him anymore. The guy doesn't love you. Even people on this website has more love for you than him. There are lots of people in similar situations as you so don't feel like you are just doing this yourself. In any event, meet more people!

skypie123_2

Wendy - 4 years ago my husband left me for another woman. He had been having an affair virtually the whole of our daughters life (she was 4 months when he left) and we also had a son who was 7 at the time. I was devastated and couldn't see a future. I was 34 and on my own with a baby and a 7 year old. Who would want me?
Anyway lets fast forward 4 years. I am now about to move in with the love of my life and my children adore him too.
I know only too well how bleak and scary it feels but if you take the view that everything happens for a reason then it doesn't seem as scary any more. One day you will look back and realise that however hard this is, it will turn out to be the making of you and you will find someone who treats you properly and loves you completely.
You will be more than ok, I promise.
Change things round in your house a little, get a new bed spread or some candles. Make it your own. You would be surprised how this makes it feel like yours. Make a list of the things YOU want from life. the future is all about you and your babies so empower yourself. It feels like the end of the world now but believe me from one who knows, its just the start for you!
xxxx

nanto3girls

Pleased things are looking up Wendy.

denton6

struggling again today, he has the boys today and asked if he can have them a extra night. i moaned abit because i think it is better for us all if he lets me know in advance when he is able to spend time with them and then we try and stick to those plans, that way we all no where we stand. girl in question has just graduated and i have found out she has been given a place at my husbands work, this is the job she trained for and so this is how they met. just feel i should move away with boys, my family and friends are here but so will she very soon, cant believe i could meet up with her any time, really unsure how i would react when i saw her. also ex is saying she will meet boys i really dont want this to happen but no i cant stop it. when he asked for them a extra night i said was he seeing her, he says not. head a mess again have treid to keep busy today by painting the bathroom. also annoyed all house maintance is now left for me. garden bushes are all over growing and light switch in garage has got stuck on so light in there has been on for days. will need to get eleactricain to look at it so wont be cheap.have had two positive days and i am trying to remember that but negative thoughts again. he lands on his feet he gets to see boys when he wants, gets his freedom and gets to **** his s****r aswell when he wants. leaves me to pick up the pieces with boys and try to carry on. yes i know i am lucky to have the boys but think we need to set some rules on contact cos this way is just too hard.

mineallmine

HUgs and sorry I missed your post. Unfortunately more details will start pouring out. The thing is all this play happy families thing, on his part, is short lived. To be honest its a bit cruel on the kids too. But, this is one of those situations where sadly you have to accept things as they are (sorry this is blunt). Try and turn these negatives into positives - so you have a night off, do what you want to do. An extra long bath, a walk, a chat on the phone with a friend, a favourite film.
On a positive note I cannot help but wonder what this girls mum and dad would make of all this. Cos overall its a bit sordid. I'm sure they have high hopes for her and her having an affair with a married man with kids wasnt on their schedule for her.
Sending you the biggest hugs and please keep posting. Things will get better. You are in the middle of the storm at the moment - and sadly your husband is probably getting off whenever you are losing it. try not to feed him any more of your soul. You need to nurture it so you can share it with someone who loves you and only you one day. That new man and new life is out there you need to start to visualise it. (((((hugs)))))

sashadesade

Hi Wendy, I've just read this whole thread and while I don't have much advice to offer I didn't want to read and run. Here are the few bits advice I have that I hope will help you:

1. Don't contact your ex about your relationship or his new relationship. Any contact you do have with him should only be about your boys or any important issues that concern him. When you hear details about his new relationship you are feeding off them to fuel your own bitterness. The only effect this can have is a negative one; essentially you're torturing yourself with details of their relationship and the fact he doesn't love you anymore.
2. You mention the other woman's age a lot so I assume you're comparing yourself to her. Because of this I feel it's important to mention that your husband's decision to leave is no reflection on you; people change, as do their feelings. This is what has happened. You have not been left on the shelf and it's certainly not too late for you to find happiness with someone else.
3. The most important thing you can do right now is spend lots of time with your boys, friends and family, doing fun things together. You may not feel like it, but it's what you - and your boys - need. It will help take your mind off the negative things and help you focus on the positive ones.

I hope this is useful to you. It's going to be a long, difficult process but you will get there.

Schwade

Wendy,

1. You dont need to know how they met, what they are doing or any other details of his relationship. Do you know the details of my relationships? No, because you don't care. So should you with him.

2. Yes she will meet the boys. You can't control that.

3. You seem to think he is doing great. Who ****** cares. You know what. I am doing great. Do you care? No. In fact, I think you should think you are **** blessed to know that you are out of a relationship that has no love.

3. You can have fun too. Come on, stop focusing on his life and START YOUR LIFE.

mineallmine

Hi Wendy, sending you hugs and positive vibes....and pulling the mobile out of your hand and into your handbag and swearing at it as you do! Something like naff off!
Of course it is easy for us to sit here and give advice, we're not emotionally involved. But please keep posting and not texting. Things will get better.:hello:

denton6

went to councilling this morning, mine is off away on holiday so i had another lady otherwise it would be a long month before i am able to see someone. she tried to get me to focus on the positives, yes i no there are some there, just get into the rutt and cant get out. went to visit my parents then came back home, asked 18 year old son if he wanted to go for a walk, bless he came with me, fresh air was lovely and so quiet without to little ones.tried to sort out some more direct debits into my account came across a couple i wasnt sure what were for, turns out when i rang up i have been paying £5.99 per month on mobile phone insurance that i had email confirming i had cancelled in may last year so they are gonna try and get my payments back. so that is a positive. only had a few photos sent of the boys by text today dressed as roman solidiers so looks like they are having a fun time. hurts to think we should be doing that as a family but have to realise things change.going out for tea with 18 year old son later just to the pub but may have a little glass of wine with my meal a little treat for me, hugs to all x