how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

thanks i just wish i could skip forward a few years so the pain wasnt as bad. cant believe i have turned into this crying wreak. my boys should come first and at this moment in time i dont think i can do this.

dollydoodah

Wendy,

I have just come across your thread and I am really worried about you after what you mentioned about driving to the railway station.

Please, please, please do not put your children through that. They would much rather have a mum, even one who is a 'crying wreck' than not have one at all.

Please keep posting on here - it might help you just to write things down - or ring the samaritans. They won't judge, they will just listen and sometimes that is all you need.

Keep strong girl, we are here to help you through this as best we can.

xxx

denton6

think you are maybe right to be worried, when something upsets me i really lose it. my gp took me off my anti d's week gone friday cos he was worried they werent working and that i want been rashional . have to go back next tue. when it comes over me there is no thinking straight. i no icant leave my boys behind now, but yesterday that is what i wanted to do. just think i will never be happy ever again and that really hurts x

zoenryansmummy

hun i was where you are last sept, my husband walked out on me and our 2 kids after 10 years (4 married) saying he needed space and to find himself and that he didnt think he loved me anymore. then i found out he was seeing his best mates lil sis and when that exploded cos everyone found out he went to a girl he used to work with, that i suspected he'd had an affair with when i was pg with our dd. it's been 10 months now, and i'm finally in a place where i dont want him anymore. I have bad days where i do, but its more cos i miss the company of him when the kids are in bed and i'm alone (like now), but i have come to realise that i dont ever deserve to be 2nd best to anyone, and i wont ever be! i'm too good for that and i deserve a bloke who wants me-now i just need to find him lol! seriously though, i agree with the making sure your hair is done/makeup on etc, i know you may not feel like it, but it really does make you feel so much better about yourself! i've slimmed down from a 14 to a 10 since he left, am back to pre baby size and look great if i do say so myself, though still have many insecurities about myself, mainly meeting a guy who;s not gonna mind the fact that i have 2 kids and an ex that will no doubt kick off soon as i do meet someone!

In the first few weeks after he left i was a zombie, i got up and took care of the kids but i wasnt there emotionally and i feel really guilty for that now, i went to bed at 7 when they did and cried myself into a couple of hours sleep, i sat on a bench in the middle of the city crying and pleading with him not to do this to us, to give me another chance, that i'd do whatever he wanted, be whatever he wanted me to be if only he'd give me another chance! i feel a fool when i think of how i behaved but it was completely normal, i'd been with him for 10 years, promised to love him forever and given him 2 children, part of me still loves him, but i know now that with all the things he's said to me, and the things he's done, i'd never be able to trust him again.

dont rush, cry if you need to, make sure you have your friends around-i wouldnt be where i am today if it wasnt for mine! i promise it does get easier, it just takes time! i wish i could fast forward for you hunni, so you wouldnt have to feel all this x x x

dollydoodah

Wendy, is there any chance of seeing a different doctor to get a second opinion? I don't like the idea of you waiting another week to see someone when you are in the mental pain that you are in.

Valli

you will be happy again; you will be strong and you will get through this...but right now it's almost like a bereavement with an added layer because the person you loved has gone from your life but not from your world.

Little targets is what you need. Then you can gain little victories. You have to decide what you want to achieve, in small steps and go for them, one by one. For instance, texting your 'husband' to ask what he feels about 'her' is doing you no good. You aren't going to get the answer you want. So you could decide you aren't going to text him. But that's just an example. For every step of progress you make there will be some backsliding - that's the nature of what you're going through. You might be upset for a while, then you might get angry. Please try to get some counselling and find a friend or friends who you can ring when it all gets to be too much. But you can get through this, and once you have got through it you will start to have better days and one day you will realise they are almost all better days.

I am hoping you will find some inner strength because, right now, your boys need you. They have already been let down, massively, by their dad. Please don't fail them.

denton6

thank you to you all, it even makes me cry when people are kind, i have found some realy ggod friends through this, i now no who true friends are and also those that just pretend to care just for the gossip.dr i have i do trust i have been on anti d's since my youngest who is now 7 as got pnd. maybe they wrent working who knows, just think it all hurts so much now cos lots more of the truth is coming out now. he has made me feel so old, maybe i am i'm 41 but hey we have a 22, 18. 9 and 7 year old and i just thought my life was sorted.dont have alot of confidence, never really got good results at school even though i tried my hardest.now i have my whole future ahead of me and dont no what to do. i only work part time but will need to look for another job but havent a clue what, not qualified for anything, thought about going to college but will struggle with money and also again i dont want to feel old there. also prob not a good time to change jobs as people at work do no my situation so have support there to i suppose. why do i keep asking the questions when i no i really dont want to hear the answers. our oldest son is coming home at the weekend goona come and give his mam a big hug.

Valli

if it's any help I went to uni the month I turned 40.
My marriage started to break up in my final year (so that was a big help she said sarcastically) and we separated and are now divorced. Since then he's had 3 partners and has lived with 2.
I hit the big 50 later this year and have JUST started dating and have met a lovely bloke who's slightly younger than me...(I can't beleive I'm telling you this LOL)

I will try to keep up with your thread.

What I would suggest is that it looks as though, eventually, he will want a divorce.
So make sure you knwo the bank account numbers etc and what's in them. Get the house valued (as if you were putting it on the market; get 3 at least) and then you have all the inforamtion you will need ready to divide assets. Courts usually start as though there would be a 50/50 split BUT with children you could easily get 70%.
I would also suggest you get some idea of whatsolicitors in your area charge. the SHOULD all offer a free half-hour initial interview which would help you choose one with whom you can work. Final advice I always give is don't cry at the solicitors...your friends are for that. Solicitors charge too much. Write your questions down on paper so you remember to ask them then you don't waste too much time. I have (cough) extensive divorce experience

Where (geographically and approximately) are you?

denton6

hi i have already put in for divorce. which he is admitting to adultury. dont really think i have alot of choice. never thought about the crying at solicitor i will have to try very hard tomorrow or it is gonna cost a fortune with all my tears. glad things worked out for you. never ever thought this would happen to us, but i dont suppose anyone does.thank you so much it really does help.x

denton6

so so struggling today, just lay in bed for ages listening to the boys fighting, just dont have the will to try anymore. text him and he tells me he does love her, doesnt feel the same about me, he did all the chasing so she is not to blame, have to go to solicitor for 3 oclock then have councilling after, all i do is cry. really wish i wanst here no more cant bare to be around and see him with her, them playing happy familys with our boys. i know i sound the worst mam ever for saying this my boys will suffer, but pain to hard to keep taking over and over again.