how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

graemecarter wrote: »

The age of his new fling has no bearing - you'd still be in this position if she was a 53 yr old.

Good luck

yes you are right about would have been bad whatever age she was, just seems hard to take in at the moment that she is younger than our oldest son, not looking forward to the two little ones meeting her , which i have been told WILL happen in time, they prob just see her as a big sister or one of there older brothers girlfriend. so hard but i dont want my boys to even like her.

denton6

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

Oh Wendy you sound just like my mam when she split with my dad. He cheated on her too:(

Wendy did you say you are in Durham? or did I imagine that? if you are and there is anything I can do for you, please let me know x

hi i live in cumbria .

denton6

it is good to come on here and let out some of my feelings and see that even complete strangers care. looks like so many of us have been hurt in the past one way or another and hopefully there will be light at the end of this long dark tunnel. have been to the cinema this afternoon went with my two youngest and my sister, it was kind of nice not to be sitting crying. positives today is that i have only replied to a text from him today to confirm still ok for him to have the boys tomorrow afternoon and into friday. really does help if i limit contact but find it nearly impossible to do this some times. thank you to all you kind people out there it really does help, thank you x

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

so so struggling today, just lay in bed for ages listening to the boys fighting, just dont have the will to try anymore. text [deleted] and he tells me he does love her, doesnt feel the same about me, he did all the chasing so she is not to blame, have to go to solicitor for 3 oclock then have councilling after, all i do is cry. really wish i wanst here no more cant bare to be around and see him with her, them playing happy familys with our boys. i know i sound the worst mam ever for saying this my boys will suffer, but pain to hard to keep taking over and over again.

can i suggest you delete your partners name and your own from this thread. unless you don't mind people recognising you.

i think it's also against forum rules to name third parties in this context.

dollydoodah

How are you doing, Wendy?

denton6

hi have had a positive weekend. our oldest son came home on friday pm and has stayed with me just went back about half hour ago. i organized to get a family photo session done of all four boys together. when the bad times hit which i no they will as it keeps happening i can look at my four boys together and feel proud, proud that through all this pain we have four wonderful boys. trying to keep busy as the less thinking i do the better. thanks for the support on here it really realy does help. hugs to all that need it right now. x

clearingout

hey denton, just catching up with you. You sound a little more upbeat than you did. I am having a crap day today as I'm moving from the family home tomorrow and it's not what I want to do. My ex had an affair for over 2 years before he finally left (I had no idea - not till the last 6 months, anyway, and even then I struggled to believe he would do that to me) and I found out a couple of weeks later that I was pregnant with our third child. He is almost one now, bless him.

Your ex sounds like he's having something of a mid-life crisis and he will eventually wake up to what he's done but you can't hold your breath waiting. It took my ex 14 months - lasted all of 6 months being decent and then he went back to her a few weeks ago. He can't bear to be alone. He knows now exactly what he's lost and is very, very regretful but it's too late. I can't stand the sight of him! It's taken a long time to get to that stage but whilst on the one hand I love him and probalby always will, there's no way I can live with what he's done (it's a long story!). You will feel the same some day soon - the healing catches up with you and you will find that it's not the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep. In the meantime, you simply have to hang on in there. It gets better. Time is what it takes. Take care. xxx

mineallmine

Hi there,

(((hugs)))
I just found this thread and even though it's so late (for a school night) I just had to send you positive vibes and hugs.
I can completely understand why the age thing is bothering you. It's wrong on so many levels, like you say because of the closeness in age to your son. The sad thing is that your husband is a notch for that girl and nothing more. She's impressed that she's blagged a married man and your husband is proud of his efforts of getting a younger woman. It's currently a win win. But it's the honeymoon period and things will start to get bumpy. And this is where you need to hold firm. If he cheats like this, he'll do it again.

...Time for some slap
It's time to vamp things up! Not to please him, yell no. But to have fun. So gather up all your make up and doll yourself up. It will be hard at first but you know what it will be worth it (no pun!).

...Stop the desperate texts.....slow down you quickly you respond
Like others have said baby steps. And as an outsider I think he is getting off on your texts. Look at it from his angle and excuse my bluntness but I sense you're growing stronger - he's there (wherever) with her and he gets these pleading texts from his wife. It's positively a threesome in his mind.
So like others have also said stop the texts. You know when he texts you.....take.....your......time. Make the buggar wait. Make him unsure about you. Do the classic write a letter and burn it (safely) or shred it. Get it out of your system.

.....give yourself some time off
When you're in the midst of something like this it is, it feels, impossible to switch off from the situation. Everything seems to be reminding you of this or that. So do whatever you can to switch off for even 5 minutes. Whether it's coming on here and reading Martin's blog, or reading www.dailymail.co.uk (I'm so sorry it's addictive!), or watching some comedy on iplayer. Do it. As so often when we 150% concentrate on something we feel like we can no longer think clearly or straight. And then when we mute that focus things can become clearer.

Sending you the biggest hugs. :A

ninky_2

clearingout wrote: »

It took my ex 14 months - lasted all of 6 months being decent and then he went back to her a few weeks ago.

all too familiar pattern unfortunately. and i'd say they do generally cheat again. it's basically the mentality of someone who's hedging their bets and in a dilemma over which option is best for them. if the new relationships doesn't work out they'll come back, if it does they'll leave for good. all very self centred and no concern for loyalty. i was desperate to have my ex back and forgave far more than i should have instead of thinking that i didn't really want someone who didn't want to be with me 100 percent.

Schwade

denton6 wrote: »

Hi husband cheated on me and i took him back. things are no longer good and i no i have to let him go as he doesnt want to be with me no more. the thing is through all he has put me through i still love him deeply and dont no how to let go. i have been to councilling and no we dont have a future together but i cant just fall out of love with him. we have been together nearly 25 years married 16 and have four children together. please help feel like i am going mad and just cant stop crying. thanks

How can you forgot someone like that? Remember what he did to you:

1. he cheated on you.
2. he doesn't want to be with you no more.
3. you've been to councilling and he doesn't want you.

So the guy has no love for you. Whatsoever. Why be with someone who doesn't have a hint of love for you at all?

I know it's hard but remember that. It will take time. Look forward.

As for moving on, try to meet more people. Join some clubs. Meet the local community.