how to stop loving someone and let them go

sloppychops

Oh Wendy sending you hugs.I as you know am going through a breakup and basically feel the way u do.People keep telling me it will get better in time but my doesnt feel like it at the mo.
You take care and im thinking of u x

nanto3girls

Oh Wendy.Please don't give up. I have never been in your position so i can't begin to imagine how you feel. There is always someone on here who will listen to you. Please please hang on in there.Sending you loads of hugs.xx

ninky_2

oh poor you. i feel for you. i've suffered cheating too in two longterm relationships. i know how crazy it makes you when someone you love and trust does this to you. and that was without having kids - plus for less time than you have had.

you need time to grieve and whilst it is great you have four fantastic sons and you have their welfare to consider you have to remember they are not just your sons. they are also your husbands. you need to work out a rota of care with him so that he takes some responsibility for looking after them. he can divorce you but he can't divorce his children. and he needs to give you a break so you can get some time on your own.

i'm sure he doesn't want to burden his new 'child bride' with such adult worries, but sorry mister, you made the situation and you have to sort it too.

i know you can't fall out of love with him. if only it was so easy. but perhaps think that whilst he might have been a fantastic husband and dad for many years he is behaving like a selfish, spoilt teenager now.

do you have anyone that can help you fight your corner as you are clearly in no fit state at the moment.

i too tried anti-depressants through and after a breakup but didn't agree with me at all.

try to make little goals for yourself rather than tackling too much big stuff at once. even if it's just plan what to eat and what to wear for the day. one day at a time is about all you can expect to manage at the moment. just hold onto the fact you are not the first to go through this and you will survive and be happy again.

denton6

very hard afternoon, went to solicitor i have asked for the girl to be named in the divorce, solicitor was a little unsure of this but said if it was what i wanted and it would help she would do this, unsure why she was trying to put me off. i had already mentioned to ex i wanted to name her they arnt happy but said they understood. am i mad to think that by naming her i will somehow feel a little better. my therory is she will be named on a few more divorce papers yet in years to come. solicitor was also a little unsure if i should be pushing for divorce at moment but i dont really think i have much choice all taken out of my hands. councling was very hard cried loads, stopped then cried loads again, have been told i have to ring local out of hours dr if i feel so low again.i hope i can do this just when it does hit my head just goes, no logic or thoughts. my councilor away till start of august so she has suggested i see someone else whilst she is away. least today is out of the way just so drained be glad when it's bedtime even though i used to be able to sleep well now it's very hit and miss.waking at silly times and mind racing. hugs to all who need then right now. do feel a little bit more at ease tonight and tomorrow another day. x

nanto3girls

I know it's easier said than done, but do try to get some sleep. i'm sure most of us will be here tomorrow if you feel the need to talk or rant. Take care.xxx

myothercarisaferrari

Oh Wendy you sound just like my mam when she split with my dad. He cheated on her too:(

Wendy did you say you are in Durham? or did I imagine that? if you are and there is anything I can do for you, please let me know x

dollydoodah

Today was bound to be a tough day with having to go to the solicitors and the counselling session. Please don't be too hard on yourself - you are grieving and there is no quick fix solution. It will take time and I do honestly believe that there will come a day when you think 'right, I've had enough now' and will start a new chapter in your life. That time might be some way off, but it will come so keep heart and keep believing that you will get there. Children are very resiliant - just keep reassuring them that you love them and remember that no matter how low you are, they need their mum.

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

am i mad to think that by naming her i will somehow feel a little better.

not at all. but maybe a different perspective will help. personally i wouldn't look at her as the cat that got the cream. she is young and fell for the attentions of an older guy who has chased her. i know you love your husband but from my point of view this girl could have done so much better for herself than an older bloke with an ex wife and children. she's saddled herself with a lot of adult concerns there. is it what you would have wanted at her age? in a few years from now i've no doubt she will live to regret this.

also i'm sure your husband will weary of this younger girl in time when he realises her concerns and interests are not compatible long term. it's all very flattering to his ego and no doubt he's enjoying the sexual novelty (sorry) but that can't last indefinitely. so far they've had the focus of his marriage status and the problems this presents to distract them from any problems or pitfalls in their own relationship. this may well be why your solicitor is saying not to push for divorce. i mean it's classic male midlife crisis isn't it.

graemecarter

denton6 wrote: »

found out about the cheating feb last year we thought we could make a go and try again. jan this year he moved back out and now stays with a friend. think he may be seeing her again i couldnt find him last week he was ignoring my messages etc he was with her. i said you are still married to which he replied the marriage is over. he has moved on and i no i need to do the same if only for my own peace of mind and for the boys. lost it last week when i found out he was with her. took the kids out of school early and drove off. my sister called the police becauce she was worried. they were fine with me and im not in trouble because i wasnt going to hurt the boys just wanted there dad to no what it feels like for him to not no where we were.

I am sure your head is all over the place at the moment, but I'd advise against using the children to teach him a lesson. 2 wrongs don't make a right.
Children want regular access to both parents and dependable routines, as they are suffering too.
I find it sad when children have to parent their own mum and dad

graemecarter

denton6 wrote: »

at school today one of the mums in the [playground told me she had saw # up town with young blond girl. i asked him by text if he is seeing her and he is. this is the same girl where the problems first came to a head. she is now 21 but was 19 when they first slept together. our oldest son is 22 he is old enough to be her dad. how can i get my head round this. think he is no good at telling the truth, when ever i asked him anything he cant look me in the eye to answer. he even told me he was seeing her by text

The age of his new fling has no bearing - you'd still be in this position if she was a 53 yr old.

Good luck