how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

at school today one of the mums in the [playground told me she had saw # up town with young blond girl. i asked him by text if he is seeing her and he is. this is the same girl where the problems first came to a head. she is now 21 but was 19 when they first slept together. our oldest son is 22 he is old enough to be her dad. how can i get my head round this. think he is no good at telling the truth, when ever i asked him anything he cant look me in the eye to answer. he even told me he was seeing her by text

denton6

such a hard hard week since i found out, things really turning nasty. i asked if he would have the boys after school as had a interview/ look around for a job, siad he couldnt. asked why and i was told noen of my buisness. went to gp last friday and he has taken me off my anti d's he said they werent working and so to stop them and see him again in two and half weeks. really scary cos he said i wouldnt get any side effects, been on anti d's for 7 years first got them when i had pnd with our youngest son. not sure if lack of meds or because of everything going on but just want to cry and cry.feel now like he really hates me, he was the one that cheated on me, he was the one to leave me and our sons behind, he is just so different in the way he acts towards me, the man i married wouldnt have treated me like this. i realise we dont have a future but just so hard to get my head around it all. the past memories have been spoiled as have the future ideas our sons weddings graduations and grand children. i alway thought we would be together forever. x

Littlemadam83

Wendy,

I am so sorry I havent replied to your last message.

Come on hun, you have made such a valid point with the man you married would never have done this. He has changed into such a horrible person and you do not deserve to be put through this anymore.

Please please cut contact with this man, he is only bringing you down. I think you may be pushing him the other way (as he is so horrible) that you are never going to get him to understand your point of view.

Let your kids call him when they want to see him if they ask you first, just to save a tiny bit of heart ache each time.

As for the anti d's did the doctor not recomend anything else at all?!?!

xxxx

sloppychops

Oh Wendy im so sorry that your having to go through all this heartache,sending you big hugs.As you know im going through a similar situation and know how hard it is and how strong you have to try and be especially for the kids.
Take Care and look after yourself x

callow

I have been reading your thread and it brought back to me the heartbreak up of my own marriage (still not divorced through).

This is a poem I used to read to give me strength in difficult times. It took me 3 years to get over the worst of the break up and slowly life is begining to get back to normal and I look forward to the future.

All the best

After a While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.

And furtures have a way of falling down in midflight

After a while, you learn
that even the sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn....
With every goodbye, you learn.

denton6

Hi dr just said we were gonna stop the tablets cos not working and we would have to try plan b not sure what that is yet, something about needing to get the tablets out of my system which would take about two weeks. also worried i am going to turn into mad woman {think nearly there } cos kids break up on thursday and they always give extra stress. so strange but now i feel as though i dont know who i am anymore. have always been a mum and wife, yes still the mum but no one to share the problems with that comes with kids. I am lucky as one of my older sons is still at home just left sixth form , he goes to uni in september, will feel even more alone then that's why i'm hoping to get stronger. he is great takes the boys to the park or plays computer games with them if they get too much. so many people going through this heartache at the moment, only wish he had thought about us before he choose to sleep with her. my friend who has gone through same recently said it isnt love he feels for her it's lust. but now i really no he no longer loves me no more and that is so hard.

leopard85

I know it's so hard, but I think you need to try to avoid contact with him and don't listen/take part in gossip about who he may or may not be seeing now. If somebody comes up to you and tells you that they saw him out with some bimbo just tell them that you don't care and don't want to know (even if this is not true). I wouldn't pretend to be in your situation, but I was in a relationship for 5 years which ended badly and I found myself desperately trying to find information on who he was seeing, and going to the same places I knew he would be etc. and in the end it just drove me crazy. The moment I forced myself not to care was the moment I could see things with some degree of clarity and control.

Please try to focus on what you have, rather than what you've lost. You've got your children with you and all he has is some girl who will probably ditch him when the next fool comes along! Write down all the great stuff in your life ie. health, children etc and force yourself to think about them whenever you feel angry or upset. Don't listen to what people say, and even if its hard, just pretend not to care. Don't text him to find out who he is with - just ignore him. The best revenge is to let him see you smiling and not giving a flying **** about who he is with. Good luck and take care.

denton6

god have had a positive day for a change or i had. my son rang his dad and he said phone kept going off. his dad has just text him and said sorry phone reception is bad on the train, this means he is seeing her again today. he put a cross on the calander to say he couldnt take boys to school today yet he is seeing her. so much for boys come first. crying again just feel like he is rubbing my nose in it all. he can go out where every and im here with the boys, says none of my buisness where he is yet he know' s exactly where i am.one step forward and ten steps back. why please i cant keep feeling like this.

denton6

really bad day yesterday, asked by text if he loved her, trying to make out that at least if he did i wouldnt feel sa bad that he had gone away. after a while of asking he said yes they did. lost it took off and went to railway station wrote all my notes for family and friends so so bad. all i wanted was him to go and stay with kids until i knew the police would arrive and tell him what had happened. i love him so much all he has put me through but cant stop loving him. yesterday only made me realise that i would rather not be here than spend my life without him, feel such a bad mam in my head he means more to me than our own kids. tried to get a councling appointment today they were supposed to ring me back last week with one, they couldnt get my councillor so another lady rang me back, ive just cried and cried. then i had to go to mediation and cried through all that to. all my boys see are the tears and that kills me aswell. why is it all so hard i really cant imagine my life without him yet i know he is not coming back. have to go to solicitor tommorrw as well to sighn some papers so another hard day, have managed to get a councilling appointment tomorrow but not really sure if it is helping. feel like i am really going mad, just seem to find more hurt one thing after another yet i keep asking to get more info and then more hurt. dont no why i do it. sorry just cant feel strong about anything right now my world has fallen apart. why was i so bad that we were together nearly 24 years and then he didnt want me no more, why does he want to be with a 21 year old, why ruin so many lives. just want the tears and the pain to stop.

Valli

I know it won't be any consolation but the chances are the relationship he has with this 'girl' probably won't last - he's been a dad - she has yet to be a mum and they are just not going to want the same things eventually...then he will realise he has lost everything. But by the time that happens you will have turned a corner...and you will no longer want or need him!