how to stop loving someone and let them go

squidge60

:grouphug: x

RacyRed

denton6 wrote: »

i really do wish i could forget and move on,i just wish i never had to see or hear from him again, but that wont be the case because of boys.he refused to go to mediation and because of the shifts he works we cant have set days when he sees the boys. he had them stay after school wednesday night and took them to school thur morning next time he will see them is this friday after 7.30 pm when he finishes work. i have tried to do something different ie joined maths and english group, seems like most of us are doing the course for the same reasons, one girl has tried to kill herself and another has had her husband leave her for someone else aswell and is very angry and upset too, cant seem to get away from reminders.was at councilling nearly two weeks ago and she has thought it best i move on to one of the longer term councillors. should have been back this tue but as yet no new appointment has came through yet. i receive letter yesterday that is the same my dr will recieve about how my councilling has gone, didnt make good reading, reading it made me cry even more. i know they prob have to send the letter out they send to you dr but reading it just upset me more when i saw what she had put. but what she had put was only the truth. not back to dr till following week now as going once a fortnight at the moment. not on any meds but he said he just needs to keep a eye on me for the moment. still not really eating but dont feel hungry but am making sure the boys are. christmas now just seems to close how can i turn this all around and stop the tears, he emailed me the other day saying he wants boys to open presents from him and his family at his house and also he wants a present at his from santa too. tradition in our house has always been the boys recieved a present from santa , not sure how two little ones will think about santa delivering presnts to dads house aswell when they dont really live there. there again they may just be happy they have a extra present. i realise people are getting fed up with me going over and over the same thing all the time and only i can change this but at the moment i just cant get there. sorry

Awww Hun, no-one is fed up with you, of course you need to go over it time and time again, so keep going until you feel yourself it is time to stop. We will just keep reminding you that you can make that choice when you are ready, I think we all need reminding of that at some time in our lives.

You know my line with you. I worry the bitterness you feel will spoil things for you and the boys. You are such a lovely person and everyone on here really wants to help you through this, so forgive us when we talk sternly to you and don't think we are getting fed up - most of know only too well that this sort of grief takes time and we are here for you when you need us.

Oh, and we care too much not to nag you when we think you need it

KarmaQueen_2

Hi
I haven't posted on this thread before but have been a 'lurker'! I'm going to take a slightly different approach from the whole 'move on' stance. I think it's clear that moving on would be the best approach and an outsider can see that but it's just not that easy. I remember after a nasty break-up being told by a really good friend who is also a counselor that actually it can be more healthy to simply accept the feelings. I'm angry and I have every right to feel that anger and I won't just get over it. BUT the real key to it is directing the anger / hurt for your benefit and not to feed them. One thing I've seen before is when there is an affair etc the couple spend the whole time 'fighting' the world (or more commonly the ex) so that by having outbursts you're fuelling this and that actually when the drama dies down the relationship is left a little empty.

For every day you keep quiet and just get on with things and for every businesslike conversation you have regarding the children you will confuse him and take a big part of their relationship away.Gain strength from knowing this even if in reality you are still centering your decisions around him.

Hugs to you though xx

ecgirl07

Hey Wendy its been two weeks since your last post, i hope that means life is settling down to its normal everyday "mundane" best iyswim.

Best wishes as we enter the christmas season of madness.

RacyRed

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Hey Wendy its been two weeks since your last post, i hope that means life is settling down to its normal everyday "mundane" best iyswim.

Best wishes as we enter the christmas season of madness.

I'll second those sentiments

We would love to hear from you Wendy.

xxx

denton6

went to solicitors this afternoon to do my affadavit, then took it to the court so swear on the bible. one step nearer.taking one step at a time finding most days really hard and will be quite glad when christmas is over for this year. i am gonna have all my boys together so that will be lovely. just now trying to think of new traditions we can start in our family. my first was the other week, bought a artificially tree and its mine and boys we have always had a real tree every other year. hope eveyone well and getting sorted for christmas day. boys with there dad tonight so gonna try and wrap a few presents, cos wont have much chance when they finish school. looking at what i have they dont really have alot this year but have ran out of money. just hope they realise that at least the presents are given with love.

RacyRed

denton6 wrote: »

went to solicitors this afternoon to do my affadavit, then took it to the court so swear on the bible. one step nearer.taking one step at a time finding most days really hard and will be quite glad when christmas is over for this year. i am gonna have all my boys together so that will be lovely. just now trying to think of new traditions we can start in our family. my first was the other week, bought a artificially tree and its mine and boys we have always had a real tree every other year. hope eveyone well and getting sorted for christmas day. boys with there dad tonight so gonna try and wrap a few presents, cos wont have much chance when they finish school. looking at what i have they dont really have alot this year but have ran out of money. just hope they realise that at least the presents are given with love.

They will Hun.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your boys.

pupsicola

denton6 wrote: »

Hi husband cheated on me and i took him back. things are no longer good and i no i have to let him go as he doesnt want to be with me no more. the thing is through all he has put me through i still love him deeply and dont no how to let go. i have been to councilling and no we dont have a future together but i cant just fall out of love with him. we have been together nearly 25 years married 16 and have four children together. please help feel like i am going mad and just cant stop crying. thanks

My ex and I divorced 4 years ago due to different circumstances to you. I can really empathise with how you are struggling with your emotions. Despite everthing he had put me through (I suffered horrendous emotional and physical abuse) I didn't know how to let go of the relationship.

In the end he had decided he didn't want to be with me anymore but wasn't brave enough to just walk away. So he made life with him completely unbearable till I divorced him.

For me life has turned round and I am happier without him now than I ever was with him. Life is too short to be with someone who makes you so unhappy and you need time and alot of support from family and friends who are good listeners to help you through.

deb68_2

thinking of you and your boys,take care xxx