how to stop loving someone and let them go

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

boys are staying with there dad tonight so trying to do some tiding. have made two apple crumbles one for tea tomorrow and one to freeze and some flapjack. my scales broke so had to guess the weights but it looks ok, have sorted through a box and have recycled our engagemnet and wedding cards. that was hard to do but something i think i need to do to progress. have also sorted through alot of photos mainly of the boys when they were born, younger etc to give to him. so heartbreaking. had councilling on tue i have been swapped to someone else. the lady i have been seeing is only supossed to be for about 8 sessions and i've had her for about 18 already. just got to wait for my new appointment to come through. have booked pantomine tickets for dec for me and two little ones, i won £66 pound on the bonus ball at work so wanted to spend it on something nice. weather awful here , but at the moment i'm not feeling to bad.

compare this to one of your early posts and see how much progress you have made! feel proud of yourself. steps no matter how small in the right direction.

mineallmine

Great to hear from you.

RacyRed

Great to hear you doing so well Wendy - it is tough, but you are getting there ((((hugs)))

denton6

gosh my 9 year old is angry tonight. i made pizza and salad for tea and said i would do garlic bread. cos i was also cooking the apple crumble i made last night i didnt put the garlic bread in cos thought it would then taste the crumble. he got really mad with me stormed out and said cos i hadnt made the garlic bread he wasnt having any tea,not sure if it's cos they were with there dad last night. he has been hard work in the past but things have settled down lately. daddy also rang them tonight yet he only seen them this morning, very strange he doesnt bother to ring on text or have any contact for days on end.the only text i got from him today was when i was in my english class saying both of them had wet beds today, not sure what he expects to me to say to that. 7 year old has had a bit of a problem been dry but last 3 weeks we seemed to have been dry ever day, i'm hoping it was a one off cos have just put nice clean bedding on there beds today.

mineallmine

Ah in a way they are probably just being a typical 9 year old. I still sulk now (and I'm a bit older than 9!). They always say its the small things. So why dont you spend a session over the weekend making home made garlic bread or something?
And try and do something for you too, even if its a hot bath!

ecgirl07

both boys wetting the bed, they are either at it or dad has not explained properly where the toilet is and they dont feel comfy getting up in the night. My wee (as they were then) brothers "acted up" when with their dad after the split. its a display of anger and resentment. not saying your boys are at it but worth looking into.


BUT more importantly lady look at you!!! Coping with everything and making apple crumbles. More power to you :T:T:T

denton6

i text him saying how both boys were playing up and how they were both very angry and that they hadnt been like this for ages.i told him that once a week is not been a dad and maybe they were starting to realise that they didnt come first. maybe it wasnt the best text to send but a reply came back very fast .
saying i was the one stopping him seeing the boys and to f*** off bi**h. then he emails me saying he is taking them to his works christmas party, that he has booked his time off for holidays next july/ august and he was taking them away for at least a week.one minute he wants to know them , the next like they dont even exist. i cant even think as far as christmas without even thinking about next year.:(

ecgirl07

not the best text to send. for a bit of context one of my brothers thought if he acted badly enough then mum would phone our dad saying he couldn't handle him and that he would have to move home. For your boys sake they have to know that that wont happen. Im not saying that is what is happening but dont let the boys know you text ex about their behaviour, you have to handle it. All 3 of you the boys, you and ex have to independently come to terms that he sees them once a week at teh moment.

Also remember to differentiate between your boys just being naughty boys and having a strop about the break up.

mineallmine

denton6 wrote: »

i text him saying how both boys were playing up and how they were both very angry and that they hadnt been like this for ages.i told him that once a week is not been a dad and maybe they were starting to realise that they didnt come first. maybe it wasnt the best text to send but a reply came back very fast .
saying i was the one stopping him seeing the boys and to f*** off bi**h. then he emails me saying he is taking them to his works christmas party, that he has booked his time off for holidays next july/ august and he was taking them away for at least a week.one minute he wants to know them , the next like they dont even exist. i cant even think as far as christmas without even thinking about next year.:(

I guess reality is now kicking in. He is realising he is losing his grip with his boys - there is now a distance and my god of course they are going to feel it. But he is probably feeling that loss too and it came right out as anger (in my humble opinion :A)
You're the primary care giver - it's down to you to make your family a strong one. And why not start thinking about xmas - there are lots of threads on here about people making preparations. You only get so many xmases as a kid - so lets make this one special in a different way - perhaps get them to make decorations or the xmas cake. Or maybe a slightly festive crumble.
You are doing so well. Plus I love apple crumble, shall I pop round after tea?:j

denton6

Dont no what is wrong with me today, just keep crying over nothing really. been a fairly hard weekend with boys 9 year old seems angry and shouting at me. i know he is hurting and missing his dad but i really cant do anything about it. there dad has had no contact with them since he dropped them at school on friday apart from a quick phone call to 9 year old on there mobile on friday afternoon. just seems strange he hasnt even sent a text to them. saw his .... driving the ambulance yesterday when driving back home with the boys, gosh i have so much hate and anger towards her, yes he has to take the blame aswell but she also knew he was married with boys. the only way i think i am going to get over this is to get some sort of revenge on them both, that sounds so bad i know. they ruined our happy life and destroyed my family. i no this prob sounds so stupid but before all this happened we were a very happy stable family. maybe why it's all the harder for me to get my head around why he did this to us.