how to stop loving someone and let them go

consultant31

denton6 wrote: »

........ the only way i think i am going to get over this is to get some sort of revenge on them both, that sounds so bad i know. they ruined our happy life and destroyed my family. i no this prob sounds so stupid but before all this happened we were a very happy stable family. maybe why it's all the harder for me to get my head around why he did this to us.

Hatred is an emotion which will only affect you and the people around you (your children).....it won't affect the other woman one jot. It is very destructive and you really need to try to overcome it. I know it's easier said than done, but until you can stop hating her you will never get over the hurt.

The best revenge would be for you to be happy without him. I'm sure most men who've walked away from their other halves are quite happy to see them still moping after several months. It must make them feel very special and sought after.

I really do feel for you, it must be awful, but when a very similar thing happened to my youngest DD, someone told her that she may have thought their home life was happy, but he obviously didn't or he wouldn't have looked elsewhere - harsh, but true.

He isn't worth your tears you know, he really isn't. She's not worth your hatred either. It takes away too much of your energy to cry and hate, put that energy into forcing yourself to smile more and pretend that all is well......it soon will be

squidge60

consultant31 wrote: »

Hatred is an emotion which will only affect you and the people around you (your children).....it won't affect the other woman one jot. It is very destructive and you really need to try to overcome it. I know it's easier said than done, but until you can stop hating her you will never get over the hurt.

The best revenge would be for you to be happy without him. I'm sure most men who've walked away from their other halves are quite happy to see them still moping after several months. It must make them feel very special and sought after.

I really do feel for you, it must be awful, but when a very similar thing happened to my youngest DD, someone told her that she may have thought their home life was happy, but he obviously didn't or he wouldn't have looked elsewhere - harsh, but true.

He isn't worth your tears you know, he really isn't. She's not worth your hatred either. It takes away too much of your energy to cry and hate, put that energy into forcing yourself to smile more and pretend that all is well......it soon will be

Great post very true i learnt a long time ago (things from my childhood you have to find away of dealing with things its only YOU that will get eaten up by it):(
Noone said its easy but you can do it.:) x

RacyRed

denton6 wrote: »

Dont no what is wrong with me today, just keep crying over nothing really. been a fairly hard weekend with boys 9 year old seems angry and shouting at me. i know he is hurting and missing his dad but i really cant do anything about it. there dad has had no contact with them since he dropped them at school on friday apart from a quick phone call to 9 year old on there mobile on friday afternoon. just seems strange he hasnt even sent a text to them. saw his .... driving the ambulance yesterday when driving back home with the boys, gosh i have so much hate and anger towards her, yes he has to take the blame aswell but she also knew he was married with boys. the only way i think i am going to get over this is to get some sort of revenge on them both, that sounds so bad i know. they ruined our happy life and destroyed my family. i no this prob sounds so stupid but before all this happened we were a very happy stable family. maybe why it's all the harder for me to get my head around why he did this to us.

Wendy, don't waste your time and energy trying to get revenge, you have the custody of your boys to consider, so far your ex has not challenged that, don't behave like an idiot and give him ammunition.

Sorry hun, but you were probably not a stable happy family as far as your ex was concerned, something was wrong and he strayed. Maybe it is just him? Maybe he really isn't the sort of guy who stays in one relationship for life, that is something you can never see coming.

Things change, maybe his needs changed but as a busy wife and mother you didn't spot the warning signs, I don't know, and to be honest, there is no point now in looking for a reason. It happened.

One thing is certain, the bitterness and hatred are eating you up again Wendy, put a stop to it NOW before you do something you live to regret.

denton6

he has just emailed me, title just says re last email. so its gonna be about booking his holiday next year with boys cos he wants me to give him dates. i cant even bring myself to open it and read it today. this sounds really bad but is there anyway i can stop the boys going away with him, i know july/ august next year is a long way off but this year i was left behind cos family holiday was already booked and i hated been without them. plus next year he is prob planning on her going with them all. she got my husband , no way is she getting my boys

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

. this sounds really bad but is there anyway i can stop the boys going away with him, i know july/ august next year is a long way off but this year i was left behind cos family holiday was already booked and i hated been without them. plus next year he is prob planning on her going with them all. she got my husband , no way is she getting my boys

that's not right. your boys need to spend quality time with their dad. he is still their dad after all. plus you could no doubt do with the break. please try to listen to your 'higher self' and think what is best for them instead of plotting revenge.

ecgirl07

denton6 wrote: »

he has just emailed me, title just says re last email. so its gonna be about booking his holiday next year with boys cos he wants me to give him dates. i cant even bring myself to open it and read it today. this sounds really bad but is there anyway i can stop the boys going away with him, i know july/ august next year is a long way off but this year i was left behind cos family holiday was already booked and i hated been without them. plus next year he is prob planning on her going with them all. she got my husband , no way is she getting my boys

you really dont want to be the mum who stops her kids spending time with their dad. Anyway a weeks holiday without the boys is a week for you to be wendy not wendy the mum.

think about it positively, you and girlfriend could do a cheap trip to london and see a show, you can go visit family, or decorate etc etc loads of positive stuff to do on a week without the boys.

ecgirl07

denton6 wrote: »

the only way i think i am going to get over this is to get some sort of revenge on them both, that sounds so bad i know.

just read this, seriously sit down and write down all the things you would do as revenge then have a think about what your kids or your parents would say if you did them. The best revenge is just getting on with your life and getting a little happier everyday.

OR

Next time the boys stay over at their dads, invite a few best girlfriends round have an evening of wine, merryment, slagging off ex(es), make voodoo dolls stick pins in them, curse the pair of them to the moon and back, burn the list of revenge ideas and have a laugh with you friends and then let it go, life is too short to live with hatred and anger it'll drag you down and turn you into someone you dont want to be.

RacyRed

denton6 wrote: »

he has just emailed me, title just says re last email. so its gonna be about booking his holiday next year with boys cos he wants me to give him dates. i cant even bring myself to open it and read it today. this sounds really bad but is there anyway i can stop the boys going away with him, i know july/ august next year is a long way off but this year i was left behind cos family holiday was already booked and i hated been without them. plus next year he is prob planning on her going with them all. she got my husband , no way is she getting my boys

It sounds really nasty and selfish and NO there isn't a way you can stop the holiday without making yourself look like a right B**** who deserves to be on her own. Do you really want that?

It has been 9 months now Wendy - stop feeding your hatred and resentment. Get on with your life.

Caroline_a

I'm afraid I agree with RaceyRed. Next year is a long way away, if he wants to take them away, let him do it, but make sure you book yourself to do a lot of treats for you too. You called your son 'angry' - are you managing to control him yourself or do you feel that the boys are having things all their own way and you are taking the role of beaten down mum who can't cope? If you are, then that's no good for them - if you can't take control now, you won't stand a chance when they are teenagers.

I think that you will have to accept that your life as it was is now over, hard though it is, and only you now can control your destiny. If you waste it by being bitter towards your ex, then it will affect your boys and you far more than him and his new gf. Sad, but true I'm afraid.

beachbaby_2

Hi, Wendy. Just getting on with your life and being happy will be some of the best revenge you can get. (I can give out advice much better than I can act on it myself). Just wait until you meet someone special then he moves in and is a father figure to your boys - I bet your ex wont like that!
P.S. Where are we going for lunch on the 5th?