how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

ninky wrote: »

i know it's hard but maybe if you love him you need to try to feel pleased he is happy.

try to focus on all the things in your life you have to look forward to. are you doing any exercise? - that really got me through my breakup. i thought" i might be miserable but at least i'll be fit and miserable!"

i dont think i even love him now, not with what he has put me through, the lies , the cheating i am well rid of him really, trust has all gone and that would never ever come back. have been going to the gym and trying to walk more, i did agree on the bit you said may aswell be fit and miserable. that made me smile thanks

denton6

minnie123 wrote: »

You may think your ex is happy now and you are down but as she is so young I really can't imagine this relationship being a long tern thing. I saw a similar thing happen with my parents when I was younger. Dad had an affair, they divorced, he was fine but mum was suicidal. The situation now is Mum met a new man and is very happy, dad is alone and lonely regretting what he threw away. I knew it would end like this xxxxxxxxx

i hope that for the future for me too. want him to be happy as well but not with her. they were both to blame in time i hope the hurt gets better thanks

minnie123

It will get better and you are sounding like a different person already - I think you should take up the above advice get fit, get your hair done treat yourself get your self esteem back up to where it should be. And keep posting here xx

denton6

boys are back home have had lots of cuddles and now both in bed though not asleep. really need to get a better bedtime routine going as now since not at school they think they dont need to go to bed. they did mention her only cos i knew they had been playing monopoly last night and i asked who won, guess who did. hopefully the weather will be a bit better tomorrow and we can go out for the day, cant believe this weather since school has broken up. just out of intrest anyone else out there who has also been cheated on what is the job of the person who cheated, seems like there is a pattern out there. my ex to be is a paramedic , he totally changed when he got this job, very slightly at first but now he is not one bit like the person i fell in love and married. i know that police , fire also have the same kind of reputation. Men ARRRahhh sorry im sure there are some good ones out there, just please people beware you really cant trust no one except yourself. just hope our four boys have more morals .

pinkpig08

I agree - your best revenge is to be happy. I know it's hard, and must be so hard to let your boys go there after what he has done to you. But they will make their own decisions about him. If you make things difficult or show them you're not happy about it it will only serve to spoil your relationship with them, not their dads. I think it's good that you are showing an interest in what they have done when they have been there. They know it's not a taboo subject and consequently will feel comfortable about talking to you about the things they have done there.

As a previous poster has said - the new girlfriend will soon get bored of playing happy families, and it will probably fizzle out. By which time you will be an independant, confident woman who couldnt care less because you'll have your own life to lead!

Schwade

Stop living your life through him. Stop comparing your life (money etc, etc etc) to his.

Your sons aren't stupid about the whole situation. But they are in the middle. Don't make them take your side.

If you want to do your son good, stop being so unhappy and move forward. Think from their perspective.

Before you were married, when you were single all those years back, what hobbies did you like? What did you really want? Start with that.

Schwade

denton6 wrote: »

boys are back home have had lots of cuddles and now both in bed though not asleep. really need to get a better bedtime routine going as now since not at school they think they dont need to go to bed. they did mention her only cos i knew they had been playing monopoly last night and i asked who won, guess who did. hopefully the weather will be a bit better tomorrow and we can go out for the day, cant believe this weather since school has broken up. just out of intrest anyone else out there who has also been cheated on what is the job of the person who cheated, seems like there is a pattern out there. my ex to be is a paramedic , he totally changed when he got this job, very slightly at first but now he is not one bit like the person i fell in love and married. i know that police , fire also have the same kind of reputation. Men ARRRahhh sorry im sure there are some good ones out there, just please people beware you really cant trust no one except yourself. just hope our four boys have more morals .

Wendy, you are changing yourself. You are falling into the trap of being a very bitter woman. Don't fall into this trap. It will not be a good ending.

I know its very hard. I know. But when you are in the ditch, you need to climb out of it instead of being bitter you are still in that smelly ditch.

GEEGEE8

My mum had an affair with someone when she went back to uni, I was 12. Although it hurt like hell and she split our family up, I just got on with it and tried to love both my parents.

Years later.. the man my mum had the affair with and married then cheated on my mum with someone at his work, joined dating agencies, disappeared out all day etc etc.. she had a miserable time. She has just married again, the 2nd time since divorcing dad, so 3 times in total!

My dad, he isn't perfect, he works hard, has a beer and falls asleep, which is why mum went looking elsewhere.. Anyhow, he has been with my step mum for years now and is much happier... I do think he is happier than my mum is. He has more money in the long run as he bought a house after they sold the family home and has kept it ever since. Whereas mum has moved a few times now and lost money in the process.

What I'm trying to say is, when you look back in 10 years time, how do you know that you won't actually come out of this better. How do you know that you won't be texting the ex and thanking him for leaving you, because you found someone really special..

And I'm sorry, but did you say she is 22? What 22 year old seriously wants a man with 4 kids...? When I was that age I prob had a few workplace crushes. She's obviously looking for security, but once she gets her foot on the working ladder and builds her career, I dare say she will find someone her own age that doesn't already have kids and a past. He will be looking the fool then!

minnie123

I agree with Geegee8 - How are you feeling today Wendy xx

denton6

Schwade wrote: »

Stop living your life through him. Stop comparing your life (money etc, etc etc) to his.


Before you were married, when you were single all those years back, what hobbies did you like? What did you really want? Start with that.

this may be where some of the problems lay. he was only 15 nearly 16 when we met and i was 17 i am slighty older. we had our first son when we were both very young so never really did the parties etc. feel now i had a boring life, thought it was happy as all i wanted to be was a good parent to the boys,in return i got very badly let down, maybe i was so boring he went looking for fun kind of makes you think. had a positive day today off my meds now for over a month , was at dr today and he said it was definatly the right decisson to take me off them. hopefully things are looking up .