how to stop loving someone and let them go

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

dont really have a positive today cos its been a tough day with having to get our cat put to sleep. maybe a slight positive was that ex came with me and we both cried so much, she was with us 20 years so a very old lady.but the slight postive was we were both that upset we didnt argue we talked calmly and little ones have gone to sleep tonight without tears. last night they were so upset about sooty that they were very unsettled and took ages to get to sleep. i will try very hard to post a positive in future.

it's nice you came together to share your grief. your cat is a bit of a symbol for your marriage in a way. so many shared memories that can never be taken from you but no matter how much you wish you can never have it back. all things come to and end at some point. life, relationships, emotions. good or bad "this too shall pass". we should cherish them for the brief time we have them. it's part of being human and mortal.

peace and strength wendy.

dumpy

Hi All

Sorry I've been offline I've been away for a few days.

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, they are part of the family aren't they?

However you were strong enough to take her to the vets and have what needed to be done, done and you gave her a treat the night before.

I am a great believer that once we take an animal into our lives we need to see them through to the end and make it as comfortable for them as possible. Although this is very sad, it is a positive, your cat is no longer in pain and that is the very, very best that an owner can do for them and it is an incredibly difficult to do. Massive hugs.

Dumpy

rachel6188

I hope your ok huni. xox

squidge60

Hope you are not feeling to bad today :kisses3: x

RacyRed

Hiya Wendy,

Don't stop posting, far too many of us care about you and empathise with you. And there is a moneysaving element to your thread if people care to take their blinkers off and read it properly.

You've had a rough week hun, I hope you are recovering a little and getting some sleep? Eating? The loss of a family member like Sooty must have been is such a very big blow. (((((((hugs))))))))

How are the boys today?

I've had a heavy cold (already!) so have been more asleep than awake recently, but I'm back and ready to be a total pain in the bum whenever you need me

Oh, and I promise (to try) not to sneeze on you.

Positives for today.

Only got through half a box of tissues today instead of the box (or 2) I've been getting through recently.

It was sunny and I was able to get out and enjoy it a bit:)

And I found a couple of really lovely plant pots costing pennies in the local charity shop.

I know you won't feel like posting positives just now, but if the rest of us keep going with them, will you just jump right back in when you feel ready?

denton6

today i have started to strip the wallpaper off the little bedroom so two little ones can have there own room, it's alot harder to get motivated to do it when there is no one else to help. but i suppose that can be my positive for today. ex wasnt happy yesterday, he hadnt seen boys all weekend as on 7-3 shift. thought i was been good yesterday cos it was a lovely day and asked if he wanted to see them for a hour, all i got back was aload of grief, how his gf was there and 9 year old doesnt want to see her, accused me of just wanting a baby sitter. need to get my head round this. it was a genuine offer i would have dropped them off and picked them up. realise now in my head it was a good intention but not how he saw it. need to think more carefully before i ask next time. he never bothered to text the boys to see how they were doing all weekend which is strange. maybe at this moment he would rather spend time with her than the boys. i took the boys to the local park insteed and we went on the little steam train there. then we made soup. looks like even when i think something is asked by me he takes it the wrong way. i text him later to ask him to email me when he is available and would like to see the boys next. when i mentioned it to my freind before, she said she could understand how he would have taken it the wrong way. will have to think more carefully in future.

ninky_2

well done wendy. you are sounding really considerate and far more in control. i suspect the little chinks are already showing through in their little love nest. no doubt she wanted his time because he'd been at work most the weekend and i don't suppose the thought of (the ex wife's) kids coming around always seems that appealing to one of her age. tough eh!

i'm just speculating and probably that's not that healthy (after all here we are telling you to get on with things and not worry about what he is doing!). but big congratulations to you for taking some positive steps. i bet that wall is going to look brilliant once it is redecorated. it helps that the sun is out. that's a positive too!

all the best.

denton6

thanks, cant believe how only a small room and already so much wall paper what a mess. 7 year old is now trying to help bless, good he wants to help but he is now saying he can stay and help me insteed of going to beaver group tonight. i wont get much chance to do much tomorrow cos my friend is learning reki and is going to practice on me in the morning, then i have my maths course. missed it last week due to being upset with our cat having to get put to sleep, and the people on the english group who also do maths with me said last week it was impossible. oh no im so bad at maths already dont want to be put off with that. just having a coffee then going to strip some more lol

Kt8

3 months is nothing..recovery can take years, it depends on the person.

word of warning tho with the diazepam, do you know anything about it and have you been on them before? they may seem the best thing now as they will take away all feelings but they are incredibly hard to come off ...what dose are you on? benzos are awful things,

good luck xx

ninky_2

i had the same slightly wary reaction to the news of the diazapem but think we should all be careful not to undermine what wendy has been advised by her doctor (a medical professional). after all, we're not trained medics and i know they don't like people giving out medical type advice on this site even if it comes from a well meaning place.

all i would say is it's worth looking up some information on the internet (keep to reliable sources such as nhs direct) just to educate yourself. clearly all medication can have a downside but it's up to wendy and her doctor to discuss that.