how to stop loving someone and let them go

ecgirl07

denton6 wrote: »

a positive for yesterday is i didnt ask the boys when they came home from there dad's if she had stayed over. i'm sure the answer would have been yes,but i didnt ask. i didnt ask because even though it is none of my buisness it kills and i didnt need the upset.

:T:T:T:T

it is also a positive because you did not put your boys in the middle, if they want to talk about what happens at dad's they should be able to without worrying it upsets you. So now you are setting up a dynamic that if they want to talk about it they can but you are not pressing questions beyond "did you have a good time at dads?" etc.


ps it may amuse you to know that we are changing my mum's kitchen this week which is one of two rooms left that were decorated when my parents were still together, they split up over 20 years ago!!!

I am sure my mum is taking a big sense of satisfaction that the kitchen is now hers even after all this time so there is a big positive for the week!!!

RacyRed

denton6 wrote: »

a positive for yesterday is i didnt ask the boys when they came home from there dad's if she had stayed over. i'm sure the answer would have been yes,but i didnt ask. i didnt ask because even though it is none of my buisness it kills and i didnt need the upset.

I'm so proud of you I've just had a little weep myself. Well done Sweetheart. :A

dumpy

denton6 wrote: »

a positive for yesterday is i didnt ask the boys when they came home from there dad's if she had stayed over. i'm sure the answer would have been yes,but i didnt ask. i didnt ask because even though it is none of my buisness it kills and i didnt need the upset.

I am SSSSSOOOO PROUD of you and have a massive hug as that must have been very hard.

I wasn't sure whether to post this positive as it seems like boasting but I'll put it in as I'm proud of myself for this one.

I had the go ahead to start a big project at work. It's my first one and I'm pleased but absolutley terrified.

What with that and the test I should ask for a pay rise!

denton6

dumpy wrote: »

I am SSSSSOOOO PROUD of you and have a massive hug as that must have been very hard.

I wasn't sure whether to post this positive as it seems like boasting but I'll put it in as I'm proud of myself for this one.

I had the go ahead to start a big project at work. It's my first one and I'm pleased but absolutley terrified.

What with that and the test I should ask for a pay rise!

wow well done you. you should be so proud. thats great news for you .

denton6

RacyRed wrote: »

I'm so proud of you I've just had a little weep myself. Well done Sweetheart. :A

oh bless. i dont want to upset people with my posts, but there again it does show that people really do care sometimes. thanks

denton6

beachbaby wrote: »

Hi, Wendy hope you,re feeling ok today. It's amazing the support you get from the people on this forum. I hope, like me, you find it helps.
Thinking of you. x

hi yes, i do think some of the posts really do help. have just been speaking to a lovely young lady i have met from here on the phone, such a shame so many of us are going through the same thing. but hopefully we can help give each other the strenghts we need to get through it. hugs x

RacyRed

denton6 wrote: »

oh bless. i dont want to upset people with my posts, but there again it does show that people really do care sometimes. thanks

Ahhh, don't worry, tears like that are good and welcome ones.

We might be just "words on the internet", but there are real thoughts, concerns and a desire to help you get through this behind those words.

There is a massive change in your posts, you're turning the corner Hun. That is absolutely brilliant.

But this particular hell's granny is still going to be the most heartless baitch on your thread if I spot any back-sliding. Sorry in advance.

denton6

having a bad day, knew what it was gonna be like as soon as i got up i started to cry. have recieved a letter from solicitor asking for her name and address because i am going to name her in the divorce, solicitor thinks i shouldnt but i feel otherwise she has got away with tearing my family apart. have give ex lots of grief by text again, when i get like this i know i shouldnt but i react badly. want this nightmare to end but dont see that being in the near future. have just picked boys up from kids club and have managed to upset them both to. dad's that just walk away, he gets it so easy. starting to worry now about paying my bills and christmas. christmas is never gonna be the same again. have already explained to boys that this year they wont be getting lots. for gods sake they are 9 and 7 why cant christmas mean treats. sorry for letting you all down. the only positive i can think of ................... oh god cant think of even a tiny one right now.

Valli

Hi hun

please bear in mind that you are still hurting, which is only natural. Try to be gentle with yourself. Don't beat yourself up about Christmas. the love you give your boys is FAR more important and they will come to realise that and love you all the more for it.

beachbaby_2

Wendy, please go easy on yourself and remember that you will have good and bad days. I have been lucky, today was a positive day for me and he hasn't even been gone a month! Yet two days ago I felt like I couldn't go on. Keep busy and look after yourself and your boys.
One thing that has helped me is going back to my maiden name. I can't really explain it but it was something I just had to do. I also didn't realise that I can be a "Miss" again. I assumed I would still be classed as Mrs or Ms.
Love and hugs.