how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

Have just spent all afternoon trying to sort out change of names and dd payment changes. cant believe not one company where bills are in ex husbands name will let me change bank details to my own. tv licence , sky and talk talk are all in his name.they did used to come out of joint account where i had the details on these. since he got his own bank account he swapped some of them over into that account. i asked was he gonna carrying on paying them and was told hope that was a joke. i am unable to change payments or close them. waste of a afternoon and upset myself along the way. all i want to do is pay my own bills and have them in my name he left in jan/ feb time and isnt coming back and now he has got rented acc with her he has lots of his own bills to pay. has anyone else found this happens. moral is even if you are married to someone and trust them with your life, make sure the bills have both your names on. im sure it would have being straight forward to take a name off. just want to scream:mad: just adding to all the agony i am going through right now.

beachbaby_2

I really feel for you. I have been doing just the same this week and it's a nightmare. The tax credits lady was lovely though. Really helpful. Have a look at the tv licence on line. I'm not sure if you can change the name on the website if you have all the details. I'm going to look at this later when I know our licence number. Keep at it. The one thing that keps me going is that at least I am getting concern and sympathy from others - I'm guessing he isn't getting any.

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

moral is even if you are married to someone and trust them with your life, make sure the bills have both your names on. im sure it would have being straight forward to take a name off. just want to scream:mad: just adding to all the agony i am going through right now.

what you need to do is get him to call the utilites. as he is the person named on the bills he needs to instruct them unfortunately.

funnily enough though as he is the person named he is responsible so you could run up massive bills and it wouldn't affect your credit rating just his. in fact he is the most vulnerable one in the situation - you could run up massive bills and he would be the one getting the ccjs if he failed to pay them.

denton6

beachbaby wrote: »

I really feel for you. I have been doing just the same this week and it's a nightmare. The tax credits lady was lovely though. Really helpful. Have a look at the tv licence on line. I'm not sure if you can change the name on the website if you have all the details. I'm going to look at this later when I know our licence number. Keep at it. The one thing that keps me going is that at least I am getting concern and sympathy from others - I'm guessing he isn't getting any.

i did manage to change the name online cos it was mispelt our last name, he told me when i rang up that i wasnt allowed to change it online and that was clear in the info because it wasnt my licence to change. it did used to come out of joint account and was for this address so didnt see how there was a problem but i did kind of get told off on the phone for doing it. so think you wont be able to change it either.

denton6

ninky wrote: »

what you need to do is get him to call the utilites. as he is the person named on the bills he needs to instruct them unfortunately.

funnily enough though as he is the person named he is responsible so you could run up massive bills and it wouldn't affect your credit rating just his. in fact he is the most vulnerable one in the situation - you could run up massive bills and he would be the one getting the ccjs if he failed to pay them.

i have asked him time and time again to change them, i even gave him my new account number but he has done nothing. he changed sky a while ago into my account but kept it in his name. he has changed all payments into his own account but like he said to me when i asked if he was going to pay them that he hoped that was a joke. i am just trying to see where abouts i stand financailly and that is why i want them in my name. be all very good if he would pay them all lol. as it stands the bills will all be paid cos silly him put them into his dd, but they are my bills and now mine to pay.

mineallmine

Right thinking caps on:

how about you write a letter/print one off that is a template (he doesn't need to know).

It says from your address at the top
then says
Dear sir/madam,

Please note that Mr X no longer lives at this address. Please change the above account number to show <your name> with immediate effect.

Yours sincerely

Mr x and your name


do one of these for each of the bills and you're done.

Edit: get him to sign them. You can do this. Just do one at a time. He is drawing this out now by now sorting it, you must show how strong you are. Remember that phrase (SOMETHING LIKE...) a woman is like a tea bag, you dont know their strength til they are in hot water.

denton6

two little ones are staying with there dad tonight, house is so quiet and i hate it, so many people would love to have some time to there self but it's too much thinking time for me, i cant even going to older son's room without crying. I think i must be the type of person who only feels strong when i have others around me, im 41 and have never been on my own, dont even think for one night. my sister is coming round later so hope i can try my brave face, her son went to uni the week before but she still has her husband at home with her.cant believe how quite it is, i have plenty that needs doing but no motivation at the moment, keep thinking i will tidy the empty room, because i was going to decorate it for one of little ones to go in, but when i go in i just cry. stupid i know my son has gone to uni but part of me feels he has gone for good. text him yesterday to see how he is getting on, will ring at some point next week cos i no he will be worrying about me, if i call him next week hopefully i will hold the situation together and tell him hope he is having a fab , exciting time. just feel so so alone. it was ex choice to cheat and leave us, but because of that i get left on my own. he said he wanted time by himself, i didnt.

denton6

have had a bad morning at work, was told by girl at work that ex was seen right beside where i work on monday with her, feels like everyone is laughing at me. i cant stop where he goes i know but not quite sure why he was even in that area either. plus my mam and dad live very close by and dont think my mam would be able to hold it together if she saw them both. have cried my way through work this morning, god other week i felt some positives , now i just feel so down. also not quite sure why girl at work thought she needed to share that info with me right now. with son going to uni everything just feels so raw.

dumpy

Rather than trying to get him to change things, start afresh.

Ring the utilities and say you are now living here, give them the readings from the meters and ask to be named on the bill. Simples


TV licence, how do you pay for this? monthly, annually? When my ex moved out and had the licence in his name (although I paid for it!) I just bought a new one and wrote off the old one. Cancel the payment from your account for the old licence, set up a new licence and payment.

Make sure the joint account is closed.

By having to get in touch with him about the bills you are prolonging the break. You are also reinforcing the idea to him that you can't live without him. I'd hate to give someone who had walked out on me the ammunition to say "look they can't cope without me". NO WAY!

If you do the above you will have taken control of your situation and having this control will help you manage your new life. OK it's not the one you wanted but it's the one you've got and you only get one.

You are justifiably proud of your son for getting to University. Now before he comes back for the holidays with all his dirty washing you need to work hard and be a strong mum that he can be proud of.

squidge60

denton6 wrote: »

have had a bad morning at work, was told by girl at work that ex was seen right beside where i work on monday with her, feels like everyone is laughing at me. i cant stop where he goes i know but not quite sure why he was even in that area either. plus my mam and dad live very close by and dont think my mam would be able to hold it together if she saw them both. have cried my way through work this morning, god other week i felt some positives , now i just feel so down. also not quite sure why girl at work thought she needed to share that info with me right now. with son going to uni everything just feels so raw.

If people have not what you are going through they wont understand the pain you feel.:( Are you looking/thinking about doing something for yourself (whatever that might be).I think it would help Tbh would you REALLY want him back now things would never be the same .:(I feel your pain but also feel you need to try and maybe look at things in a different way .Sorry dont mean to sound uncaring but for your own sanity ......x