how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

ex has just had the boys while i went to my councilling session, he is moving in his new place today so boys have helped slightly cos he only had them just over a hour. councilling went well she thinks i am doing really well , with everything that has happened, maybe it's easier now cos i realise we would never get back together again. just wish he wasnt with her,only person helping him move is her oh well life goes on. sooner all his stuff has gone from here i can start to move on to the future.at least in his new place he wont have constant reminders of the past.

denton6

back again having a really hard day. just wish somethinh happy would happen for a change, my aunty died last week she has been ill for a while but stiill bad news, lady at works dad has just died and them another lady at work her grandchild was stillborn, have hugee these people from work and cried with them, my son goes to uni on sunday gonna be so hard to let him go, he has been my rock since ex left me. ex is having a great time has his freedom, boys when he wants and girlfriend who is just what he wants. my life just feels so empty and alone.today the tears wont stop feel so betrayed by everyone even the two little ones have been telling tales.have tried to make dr appointment today and nothing for over 3 weeks with my dr, maybe i'm just having it bad at moment but dont think i can wait that long.just want something good to happen for a change, everywhere you read or hear is about the man/ husband walking away to start there lives over again, god it hurts so much. feel i am really going mad tonight.

GEEGEE8

Wendy, hang in there xx it's not going to be easy with your son going uni.. I'm sure he is just as worried as you though, but it'll be the best thing for him and you have to be strong..

Dark nights won't be helping either, everything will feel a bit better in the morning xx

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

just want something good to happen for a change, everywhere you read or hear is about the man/ husband walking away to start there lives over again, god it hurts so much. feel i am really going mad tonight.

oh dear. what you are experiencing is emotional resonance. it's where strong emotions feed in on themselves and you notice things that feed into this mood. that's why it always feels everything bad happens at once. in fact there is one trigger event and this makes you more susceptible and sensitive to other negative / sad events. when you are in a strong and happy place these events do not impact so strongly and so you have a more balanced view of the world.

it is good to grieve. it is natural to feel angry and betrayed and that it is unfair you feel so unhappy when your ex seems to have moved on and have everything in its place. however, at some stage you must fight this for your own sanity.

try counting your blessings - you are healthy and your children are healthy. you still have a home. you live in a country with relative comfort, free healthcare, free speech. you have some happy memories of some successful years of marriage even if it didn't last 'til death do us part'. i'm sure there are people who care / love you.

the other thing i would suggest is looking at ways to help others. try to put all that love you have extra into the world. helping others really takes us out of ourselves and strengthens are connectedness to the world. how you do that is up to you. it could be volunteering for a local group or just random acts of kindness. it could be doing a sponsored something or other. it will also give you some focus beyond thinking about all the hurt.:A

mineallmine

Hugs wendy. not surprised you are feeling under pressure with so much news at the moment.

Now the house is your home, I'd change something. Anything. It's yours, time to lay the foundations for a fresh life.

And it really doesnt seem like your ex is living the dream as he would not be on anti depressents.

Try and get some fresh air tomorrow.

denton6

thanks all, just reading the kind replies has set me off crying again.i just feel so jelious at the moment, of what he has got and also what she now has, he used to be a really good husband think that is why it's all so hard. i know how he has teated me but still in the back of my head he wouldnt do this to me, how stupid is that, because he did. he used to buy me flowers treat me to things and now he will be doing all that for her. in bed last night and in work this morning i got to thinking, if someone told me tomorrow i only had two weeks to live, i think i would be happy. how bad is that,why do i not want to see my children grow up, just think i want the pain to stop, dont think even in the future i will find someone else i can love, my ex was my sole mate, cant bare to think i will still on my own that is why i hope i dont stay around forever. just a crap mam and was obviously a crap wife too.

mineallmine

Oh Wendy hang in there.
You have done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing.
Your kids love you and trust you to look after them. You must be there for them.

consultant31

denton6 wrote: »

.........., cant bare to think i will still on my own that is why i hope i dont stay around forever. just a crap mam and was obviously a crap wife too.

Wendy, I think you are wallowing in your hurt and that won't help at all. I know you will think I am being very harsh when you're so sad, but nothing get better until you start to see that you really are blessed.

There are thousands (probably millions) of women out there, who would kill for a healthy child and you have several! Many, many women have never been loved, you have! Take a measure of pride in the fact that you have borne and raised happy, healthy children, who are obviously intelligent (off to uni) and well adjusted.

Your misery must be awful for them to live with, as though, now their Dad has gone, they are not enough to make you happy - how must that make them feel?

Please try to see the silver lining because there always is one if you look for it.

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

thanks all, just reading the kind replies has set me off crying again.i just feel so jelious at the moment, of what he has got and also what she now has, he used to be a really good husband think that is why it's all so hard.

i so know where your head is at. but remember this. he is on anti depressants. people who are in a happy place don't take anti ds. so no matter what it looks like on the surface there's obviously a lot of emotional angst underneath that. guilt, regret, grief (he has lost a marriage too). and he can't even vocalise any of that because of his current relationship so it's all going inwards.

he was a really good husband. he chose to marry you and spend many years with you and to have children with you. but that really good husband no longer exists. he's someone else now. she can never have 'your' husband - those years are unique to you. so are the precious children who share your dna and his.

but now is a new chapter. it may be a sad one. or it may have a really really happy ending. we can't know. we can only live in hope.

mineallmine

How are you doing Wendy? I've dug out something which I hope will bring a smile:

--- a bear that does yoga: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/840999-meet-the-bear-that-does-yoga