how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

hi some great news today, our 18 year old has passed his a levels and has got his place at the university that was his first choice. so so proud. he has done really well considering what he has been put through and all the heartache over last months. the next step is him moving out and me becoming more independant, he has been really good with the little ones and has helped me loads. but at least he is moving away from home for a good reason, unlike his dad has done to us. did have a cry when he rang me from school to tell me he had passed. just shows i have great boys and love them all xxx

Valli

well done your DS

minnie123

Congrats to your son that is great news xx

sashadesade

Excellent news, congratulations to your son!

space_rider

Congratulations to your son. My daughter got what she needed so she`ll be gone in Sept too.

What I did in your situation was to get fit and I always made sure I looked my best when I had to see my ex. You also need to limit the contact you have with your ex as it`s not doing you any good. My ex had our children 3 days a week and the b`hatch soon got fed up with that. They lasted a very long time but I think alot of it was because they didn`t want to lose face. Kids would tell me how nasty she was being to him and I must admit I did feel sorry for him! We now get on great as I don`t see any point in dwelling on the past.

Keep your chin up and make sure you do lots of nice things for yourself when your children aren`t there.

denton6

not had a great afternoon, postman brought me a huge form to fill out for mediation, can hardly understand half the stuff let alone answer it. have cried and cried, boys go on holiday with there dad tomorrow that is really upsetting me to, plan this afternoon was to just run away with the boys and never ever come back, just feels like everything is going his way right now, kids like new gf, they have all meet her parents and think his parents have met her to now aswell. looks like i wasnt the daughter in law they needed after all. boys have got my teddy to take with them on holiday, we have all give it a big hug and i said if they want a hug from me teddy will give them it. i said when i want a hug from them i will give there guinea pigs a hug from us all. looks like the guinea pigs are gonna be well hugged . we all had abig hug and a cry. wish now months back i had cancelled the holiday it was booked when we planned to go as afamily. that way we could have both spent time with the boys without one of us having to miss out on it all.

GEEGEE8

Wendy,

As hard as it will be without your boys, I do think it'll do you good. I think you need to focus on yourself and your own life, and not put all the energy into the boys all of the time.

Would it be possible to think about signing up for a college course? or even Open Uni (mostly free), and start on a new path for yourself?

I know you must be feeling awful right now, but you can get through this. You still have your boys (and the guinea pigs!), and there are plenty of other men out there that you will meet when you are over the worst of this.

You need to stop regretting things, and start to look forward. Don't compare yourself to the ex and his g/f, and don't look at Facebook anymore. I know this is hard, but you know yourself that you have to start doing this if you are going to get over it. I think at the moment you are holding onto everything for fear of letting go, but you need to let go now.. when you do, you can move on and find someone else and fall in love all over again x

susan1105

Wish I could give you a big hug. I know the facebook thing I got addicted looking at her friends photos so I could see why he choose her and not me, took me a while to realise that it was about him being able to have a single life with her and the kids on the side. My ex was very guilt about his actions as his parents did not meet her for over a year, I see more of his family than him.

Are the kids getting picked up tomorrow night, if so first thing in the morning phone friends and family and arrange outtings, you want to be occuiped, the first time my boys went away I got down when I was in the house, it was a very sunny week and all I thought is it should me with him and my boys. Treat yourself to a haircut, a spa day and sort all your finances.

If you need to tell the ex you will call your children at a certain time everyday, my boys dont say much on the phone apart from yes and no but I know other mums can have indepth chats.

Thankfully my boys dont mention the girfriend at all I will ask the youngest the odd question I try to stop myself, I found out from three year old in bed one morning that they had meet daddy friend even after eight months it did not go down well, I flipped as I was not given notice but then again if I had I would have been fretting.

Susan

denton6

my boys are off on there holidays, did try to keep strong for them but still cried, have already spoken to them on the phone and they are fine. there dad gave me a hug this morning think he realsies how hard this is all gonna be for me with him taking our boys away and it been our family holiday. he even looked upset this morning aswell. but this is how he choice to treat me and boys. as soon as they went nearly my friend came round for a quick cuppa and to tell me to keep strong she is such a good friend, then she dropped me into town and i bought a new cheapish phone, no point spending alot cos my contract will end in about 10 months and will get a upgrade. they are unable to get the messages off my phone i was told:(. gonna have a long soak in the bath in peace i think cos got a real bad head prob dueto everything thats been going on. feel a little brighter for now anyway. hugs to all who need it right now, i sure do x. ex is 40 today never thought our life would be turned upside down like this, just shows we dont no what is round the corner for us at all.

kizzykizzywizzy

Good news about DS
Just try & keep yourself occupied, whilst they are away - have a sort out, put wedding pics in the roof, as others have said pamper yourself or if really bored do a bit of batch cooking & freeze, so that when the kids are about, or you don't feel too good, you have something quick to eat, which will free up time.
You sound so much like I did, I didn't know how I was going to go on living without him, but tbh, I stopped looking at him with rose coloured spectacles, started realising I had done nothing bad/hadn't given him any reason to cheat & that it was his weak nature & cowardly behaviour (he didn't admit it straight away! ) that were the cause.
You were & are too good for him, he never deserved you & now he's got what he "thinks" he wants he'll either have to put up with her to save face, or he'll come crawling back - by which time, hopefully, you'll be over him & strong enough to say clear off, or words to that effect;)
As your friend says keep strong xx