how to stop loving someone and let them go

Brighton_belle

Wendy, you are doing really really well. And it is these little things that knock one for 6. It's really natural, however painful.

A friend of mine who got divorced didn't want to return to maiden name she chose her mothers maiden name because she really liked it.
You can choose whatever surname you like.

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

what do i do when we get divorced i dont really want to go back to my maiden name either.

i've never changed my surname even though i'm married and i've always used ms. you don't have to go back to using your maiden name. why don't you just use ms? it's no one else's business if you are married or not - blokes don't feel they have to reveal their marital status with their name. if it's important to you to keep your surname the same as the kids i would keep it. or you could go double-barrelled heather mills-mccartney style!

the thing to remember is the decision is yours. you haven't chosen the circumstances you find yourself in but you can choose the way you move forward with them. it's important you find a way of empowering yourself.

GEEGEE8

If it's good enough for Cheryl Cole.. She's keeping her married name because she prefers it... Just keep it if you prefer..

ecgirl07

Maybe she wrote "Miss" because your were giving off a sexy sex in the city single girl vibe who is happy in her own skin and looks like she might be enjoying life walking to the shops all independent and free instead of being a downtrodden housewife burdened down by the chores of looking after everyone

sashadesade

I agree with everyone else, if you don't want to go back to your maiden name then don't! No one can make you, you're free to call yourself what you like. If I were in your position I would want to have the same surname as the kids too.

denton6

have just come back from town. i have new flooring getting fitted tomorrow in the bathroom i have decorated all on my own, only a small project but i have achieved it. it's gonna look totally finished when the little ones come home. i also went for a reiki treatment , never had one before, it was abit strange i did manage to feel quite relaxed and i could definatly feel the warmth. she said i may feel bit emotional . on the bus on way home one man was taliking fairly loud about his mother that had just died to the lady beside him, the man behind got really cross and started shouting at him, turns out the man who was angry his son is in hospital and only has days to live. lady that knew him said everyone had problems, i just sat on my chair and cried, life is just so hard for so many people. why does life have to be like this.

ninky_2

denton6 wrote: »

life is just so hard for so many people. why does life have to be like this.

just remember whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. hard times can also make us more understanding of other people and have more empathy for others. i think problems often make us better people.

there's a brilliant iranian film called 'the colour of paradise'. (it's a bit religious but you dont' have to be religious to appreciate the message). basically it's about a blind boy and his father. the blind boy always thinks about others and other living things - at the beginning of the film we see him find and locate a baby bird that has fallen from it's nest and replace it safely using his other senses. the father on the other hand is obsessed with his own problems to the extent where he just feels sorry for himself and wallows in 'why me?'. after his wife has died he wants to palm his blind son off elsewhere as he sees him as a burden. basically the moral of the story is that we can find happiness by helping others, even if we have problems of our own. it helps us get in touch with our humanity and see the beauty of the world.

http://www.sonypictures.com/classics/colorofparadise/synopsis/index.htm

minnie123

Well done on finishing your little project. My mum has still kept her married name and still calls herself mrs and she has been divorced 10 years now - you don't need to make and hasty decisions.

denton6

have just managed to upset myself again this evening, boys came back from holidays yeasterday and have had a good time although one or two issues did crop up, ex was trying to explain to me what had happened and was really upset, i found out that he is still on his anti d's but had forgotten to take them on holiday.i really thought he was not depressed no more and he was coping really well. i felt really sorry for him struggling, felt yesterday that i was the stronger of the two of us now . now tonight i have been sorting through boxes in the garage, ex is moving into rented acc tomorrow so am trying to sort his stuff so he can take it all with him, he has been living with a friend from work since jan since we split up, though she isnt the girl who we split up because of his affair. anyway sorting tonight and came across our engagement cards, wedding cards , birth cards and few things from our wedding. poems he wrote to me years ago saying our love would never end and lots of photos. cards were from some people that are no longer with us, his grandpa, my grandma and a few auntys and uncles. just got myself so upset, everything we have been through and he just didnt give us any thought when he cheated with her. have asked if she is moving in, he says not but that she might stay over. dont no whether i should just pack all the cards , photos and poems up and throw them away or if i will need them again one day.thought i was getting stronger and now back to a crying wreak. just need a break from all this c##p . seems like i have all the memories around me and that is so hard, maybe i do need to move away from here, but that is moving away from my friends and family who are beenmy suport. why did he not think before he did this to us, did i really mean nothing to him, cos from here it looks that way, 24 years together and it ends like this .

ecgirl07

It just takes time to create new memories, my mum and dad been split up for 20 years (he cheated too) but she got to a place where she can look back and love him for what he was when she loved him and the family they created, and she will always love him in that time frame, but she stopped loving the person he became but it took a while after the split. the morale is you will get there.

She has stayed in the family home and over the 20 years she has changed the decor and fixtures and fittings so its her house - this year teh kitchen goes so it takes time and MSE but now 20 years later the house is full of memories of us growing up as adults and now grandchildren not of the time of the split.

Denton just keep doing what you are doing, but note that the good days will soon start out weighing the bad days especially when you start taking control of your environment. Paint the front door and decorate the front room - begin to make your home yours and your boys.