how to stop loving someone and let them go

denton6

mineallmine wrote: »

How are you doing Wendy? I've dug out something which I hope will bring a smile:

--- a bear that does yoga: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/840999-meet-the-bear-that-does-yoga

thanks that is so cute, not feeling good just wish all the negatives would go out of my head.start a new maths and english course next week, wasnt very good at either at school so thought i would give it a go, it gets me out abit, when all the course info came though i cried even more, especially the maths one all the stuff i really couldnt get my head round at school is on it, just made me feel even more useless and thick. maybe thats why he thought i wasnt good enough and moved on, never been that clever at stuff like that were as he had the brains. never felt good enough in his parents eyes either, when we found out we were going to have our first son his mam and sister suggested abortion, yes we were young but that was never there decison to say.have got on ok with them over the years but now i realsie it was all just a act on there part. they dont care about me, prob never have done.crying again now.:(:(:(

ninky_2

yes i can see how your negative mood is a problem.

what are you going to do about it?

cazscoob

Hi Denton i really ope your ok, can i advise asking your doctor to refer you for conselling or a CPN to talk to? i have found out recently that my husband was having an affair and my whole world fell around me, he is still here but i find things very difficult and even the easiest of tasks send my head into a spin.

I have had 4 sessions now and what a difference they have made to me, she has helped me to start getting my thoughts into order and helped me to focus on me. Last week was a real turning point as one of the things i put down was i felt i couldnt have been a good enough wife, she replied with 'do you think he has been a good enough husband?' Before then i had put all the blame on myself and not seen it the other way around.

Focus on yourself, do something that makes you feel good and smile. Baby steps are the key and praising yourself when you have achieved something you have dreaded.
sending you all my love and a HUGE hug. you can do this as you are the strong one, he was the weak one xxx

mineallmine

Sending you hugs.

Doing those courses sounds like a positive step forward. And try and stop telling yourself that you were not good enough, when it was he that was not good enough. It's a sad thing but when men are handed something on a plate they often take it. To be fair some women do too.

Don't look for validation from his parents. They are clearly going to side with him although they cannot exactly say to their friends how proud they are of a son, who cheated in his marrriage and left behind a wife and kids. No matter how you edit that, it's still the same sordid story.

Studying will help take your mind off stuff for a little bit and will give you a huge sense of achievement. Let us know how the courses go.

denton6

yesterday i got a lovely surprise at school, my son who is going to uni tomorrow met me at school waiting for the two little ones and my oldest son turned up aswell. i cried when i saw him, he is going back today and think he has really come to see his brother go to uni and give me a little support, bless he has been my taxi driver today.tomorrow is going to be so hard i know, i have been warned by ex that if i am not on my bat behaviour i wont be able to sit in car with them when we take our son to uni. feel abit like a child been bribed.so last night i had all my four boys together it will prob be christmas before this happens again. my family size just keeps getting less and less which is scary but at least our two oldest are going to be good independant adults.

minnie123

Warned by your ex about being on your best behaviour!! who does he think he is - he sounds like a right nasty piece of work.

PS I think you are doing really well - but don't let your ex bully you he has no control over you now - remember that!!

mineallmine

What an achievement for your son to go to uni - hope this day goes well. Either way you must feel proud of your kids. You've done good.

rachel6188

minnie123 wrote: »

Warned by your ex about being on your best behaviour!! who does he think he is - he sounds like a right nasty piece of work.

PS I think you are doing really well - but don't let your ex bully you he has no control over you now - remember that!!

^^yeah that!!!
Iv just sat and read the whole thread and I wanted to say you have done nothing wrong and you are obviously a wonderful mum with 4 happy, healthy and caring children. Iv got a saying that a dear friend of mine used to say before she died last year.
* Lifes 2 short to wake up with regrets, So love the people who treat u right, Forget the ones who dont and believe that everything happens 4 a reason, If you get a chance take it..If it changes your life..let it. It might not be easy, But it will be worth it. *
People do care about you and Iam so sorry this has happened to you and your family. Take time to adjust and if you ever want to talk pm me . Lots of love and hugs. Rach xxx

denton6

well was up nice and early, two little ones are going to stay with my mam and dad today whilst we take son to uni. it takes about 3 and half hours to get there so it's going to be along day. i'm hoping to send him off with a smile on my face i no he will be worried about me and his brothers, he has been our rock since his dad left.getting my hair cut and highlighted in the morning so have something to look forward to and good catch up chat with my hairdresser. best go in my head im telling myself think positive, yes am so proud of my boys but gonna be a hard day xxx:(:):(:)

beachbaby_2

You sound very positive today. I hope it all goes well for you. Sending ((hugs)).