Too young to have my baby?

Stephb1986_2

Hi Cait,

I hope your keeping well? I was thinking of you last night I was watching a programme called "16 and pregnant" it's on Living. I thought you might be interested in watching it so atleast you know what to expect ect.

Take care

Steph xx

margaretclare

I should perhaps have made it clearer - I do not approve of 'children' of 16 having babies either! I would much prefer it if they did not run those risks at such a young age. Instead of having sex, I would far rather they did any of the millions of other useful, exciting and interesting things that are available to them.

But, given that a baby has been conceived, I do not see what the options are. That baby, as I said before, deserves consideration.

Stephb1986_2

Margaret I'm pretty sure alot of us has seen on the news younger "children" having babies. Whilst you don't approve you aren't exactly being helpful to the OP. How would you like it if someone had spoken to one of your children like it?? Be a bit more considerate.

MrsTinks

OP - I've not commented until now as I didn't want to try and influence your oppinon... as you've made it then I feel alittle happier make my views as I doubt what I say will sway you

Having a child at 16 can and will affect the rest of your life and career. Young mothers rarely get a career until later in life if at all - that may be fine with you, but I'm a very independant person and wanted to sort that before starting my family in the event I ended up on my own caring for my child/ren. You can't rely on government hand outs, now more than ever with many rightly being stopped or reduced. So... the question is - can you and your family/bf afford this child without the state paying for it? Or rather - how are you planning on working and looking after it and paying for your housing, bills and food?
If you are keeping it then you need to start looking at this now.
Long term - Chances are you won't be starting any decent jobs for many years because you have left with minimal education, giving you little to set you apart in the workplace. As an emloyer there would be no jobs I could offer you with no skills at all. I left with A-level equivalents and worked my way up the hard way - it's tough and even tougher now there is a glut of graduates.
If you decide to keep the baby then agree with yout BF that you continue your education - maybe he can do his during the day and you do yours in the evenings and he can mind the baby. Assuming you can find enough money to get by at the same time?

You might think that YOU'll be ok... but you might also want to think about what rolemodel you will be setting for your child... My parents worked hard, my mum was a pioneer in IT in her time and I never believed something wasn't possible. I chose to get my career well and truely off the ground before starting a family so long as it was before I was 30 (I had about 6 months to spare )

Others have said it already... but ONLY you can make this choice... I'm willing to put money on "John" being long gone in 12 months time if not sooner. I might be wrong - some boys make great dads young - but sadly they are a minority.
You however have to live from now until the end of your life with the decision you make now. Given that you were on the pill I think it's unfair on you to have to make that choice - you were responcible and sadly medical science failed you - it does leave YOU with some very very adult choices to make that to be honest I'm not sure I think I would have been ready to make at 16...

I know what choice I think is the right one - but I am not the one having to live with the choice...

Good luck whatever you choose.

margaretclare

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Margaret I'm pretty sure a lot of us has seen on the news younger "children" having babies. Whilst you don't approve you aren't exactly being helpful to the OP. How would you like it if someone had spoken to one of your children like it?? Be a bit more considerate.

I was actually referring to an earlier post, # 283.

Morgan_Ree

OP I just wanted to say I hope everything works out ok for you, no matter what you choose.

I fell pregnant at 19 so a little older than you. I had nowhere to live, no money and a baby on the way. I remember getting my first flat and having to sit on blow up chairs because we had no furniture! Bed was a matress on the concrete floor :eek:
looking back now I have no idea how we survived, but the point is we did.
No matter how hard it gets, and believe me being a teenage mum IS hard, you just have to look forward through it all.

5 years later me and my sons dad are still together. Both got good(ish) jobs. He's in the army and I'm training to be a nurse. As soon as I've qualified we're going to get married

Not all young parents end up down and outs. You just have to work that little bit harder to get what you want xx

JaneRN

MrsTine wrote: »

Having a child at 16 can and will affect the rest of your life and career. Young mothers rarely get a career until later in life if at all - that may be fine with you, but I'm a very independant person and wanted to sort that before starting my family in the event I ended up on my own caring for my child/ren.
Long term - Chances are you won't be starting any decent jobs for many years because you have left with minimal education, giving you little to set you apart in the workplace. As an emloyer there would be no jobs I could offer you with no skills at all. I left with A-level equivalents and worked my way up the hard way - it's tough and even tougher now there is a glut of graduates.


Good luck whatever you choose.

I disagree with this statement, I had my son at 16 and have a good career, my own home, car etc. I'm now helping my son get on the property market as I am financially in a position to do so. I have worked with many other independent women who had to overcome similar obsticles of having a child when young & single. As I look back on people I went to school with I see that most have not progressed educationally or in their career despite not having their "lives ruined" by having a baby so young. I'm proud of my accomplishments and hope to progress further in my education and career. I know more women who after achieving a career have given it up in their 20s & 30s when they had children or have stepped down into roles with less responsibility and have never been able to regain the ground they lost.
I don't know a determined women who has given up on their goals beacuse of having a baby. There are many who are happy not to pursue a career and educational qualifications regardless of whether they have children or not.

chaosweddings

Hi,
i just thought i would offer some advice as i was 17 when i found out i was pregnant,

It was a shock but i didnt have a choice of what i could do as i was really far into the pregnancy when i found out.

everyone was really critical of me and had tuts and stares from people assuming i was going to sponge of the government for the rest of my life and keep having babies ! even thought i worked full time before i was pregnant and went back to work within 3 months of having him and worked for 20 hours a week until he was 1 then back to full time after that.

now 11 years on, im a successful wedding planner, married (although not to ds dad) i would not change my ds for anything

the first few months will be hard, but im sure they are hard for any new mum whether its their first or fifth child.

my ds dad left me the day he was born , or shall i say i left him as when the midwife rang him to say i had gone into labour i could here him with another girl !!! and to be honest it was the best thing that ever happened apart from having my ds

i would also like to state that i left school with minimal education and a handful of gsce's but still managed to work and start up my own business.

if you need any advice or anything let me know

chaos

Stephb1986_2

Also in this weeks take a break there is a "child" on the front page who is pregnant at 11!

Steph xx

chaosweddings

im just reading that story now, she gave the baby up for adoption as she was put into foster care as her mum couldnt look after her ! and her baby was the result of being assaulted by her brother !! poor girl