Too young to have my baby?

blue_monkey_2

Person_one wrote: »

I get your point with most of your post, but the bolded bit is really a bit unrealistic.

I see what you are getting at but at 15 you are still a child and men can go to prison for having sex with a child. If your boyfriend had been 17 it would have been 'fine' as he was a teenager? Had he been 27, 37 or older then he would have been a pa edophile - because its illegal to have sex with a child.

Where is the fun in that? And who is it fun for?

It's a good job we have a fantastic and generous benefits system to fall back on though, heaven help what anyone would do without that. Be more careful maybe?

BitterAndTwisted

I can't think of many things worse than leaving school without any decent exam-results and then having a baby. It's almost inevitable at that age that a teenage mother will become a one-parent family and then it's a huge, an almost super-human effort to get a decent wage-earning life together. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It's all very well having a picture in one's mind of holding a tiny babe in ones arms but an entirely different matter figuring out how to give that babe a half-decent life when you're almost certainly condemned to part-time minimum-wage jobs for the foreseeable future. I wouldn't countenance it

Material_Girl_2

Person_one wrote: »

I get your point with most of your post, but the bolded bit is really a bit unrealistic. Teenagers will always be attracted to each other, have sexual feelings and act on them. Frankly, as long as they are sensible and aware of the consequences, why shouldn't they? Sex is great, its part of a fulfilling healthy relationship and a fact of life for most people.

I started having sex at 15, ten years later I've never been pregnant. It is possible! I really don't think its fair that a 16 year old can have a job, join the army, even get married, but they are expected to abstain from one of the most basic joys in life.

Should everybody who isn't in an ideal position to raise a child abstain from sex? Unemployed people, immature 30 year olds, people who hate children, single people etc?

It seems like a lot of people of all ages are woefully under-informed about contraception. They know the basics, but not enough to avoid being the 1% that make up the failure rate. being 'on the pill' isn't really good enough if you aren't strict about taking it exactly as instructed and knowing the backup procedures.

Great post! I agree with all of your points.

CFC

Very very true Bluemonkey.
Snugglepet, no it is not just her decision about what she 'wants' to do. She's already done what she 'wanted' to do and that's why she's in this position. Her judgement and maturity level are poor like 90% of all teenagers and it is incumbent on those of us who are older and wiser to advise her according to our lights, not tell her to 'do whatever she really wants'.
You may perceive it as an attack, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, truly her best option for herself, her family and society is abortion or adoption.

angel223_2

I agree being a single mum is not an ideal situation (I never said it was) and there is much that can be done to impove the lives of these kids (and for the general population of children in our society). The fact is if your mother and father are bothing working hard but are poor you are also at a higher risk of some of the factors you mention above in fact life expectancy in general is often determined by wealth. Should all the poor be sterilised?
I do not think it is best to go back to the times where no help was offered and people suffered so much as you suggested in your previous post.

There are also many studies into the effects of women having terminations and suffering psycologically for many years because they regretted their decision. This can also be very serious and can cost the nhs alot of money in terms of councelling and other issues.

This I all why every woman has to make the decision for herself.

CFC

Angel, every woman may perhaps make the choice for herself. By no stretch of the imagination is a 16 year old child a woman. What you are saying is a variant of 'do what you want'. See previous post.

If you genuinely feel that it would be life enhancing for her and her family to have the baby and keep it according to your lights, then advise accordingly. I will think you are mad, but if it's your genuine best advice then there you go.

Anyone who says to her 'do what you want' is encouraging her to have and keep this child, no matter how you also add 'but it's hard'. She's a child, she can't really imagine how hard it would be anyway, no matter how many times you tell her.

Fang_3

angel223 wrote: »

See this is the stereotyping im talking about you assume 'all' politicians contribute more than 'all' single /child mothers, putting everyone in their nice neat box where they belong.
Many ordinary people including (shock horror) single mums do unpaid charity work (politicians get paid), whether it be volenteer work for CAB / charity shop etc or helping the local school fundraise, learning to be a coach to start a local football team to get teens off the streets, help out with mums and tots groups to offer community support to all mums etc etc etc are these not considered worthy or indeed important contributions to society?

I didn't say single mothers, I said child mothers. Politicians serve the country, and their constituents, they are more likely to be of an age where they have worked their entire lives and paid a lot of money in taxation and have supported the benefits system. A child mother on the other hand has not. She won't even have paid tax. She will have taken significant amounts of resources out of the system, and paid nothing back.

You can moan all you like about cheating politicians, but the fact is they get paid less money per year to RUN THE COUNTRY than many footballers get per week.

As for the other debate - I agree in principle that no one should have any rights over anyone else's body, but I also don't agree that any woman should have the right to claim a portion of a man's income for the next 18 years, for a child that is not wanted, when there are many other options available. That's the responsibility that comes with the 'rights' of being able to have a child.

I think the answer to the problem of unwanted pregnancy in teenagers is two fold:

1. We need to remove the right for parents to remove their child from sex education lessons, and start these lessons early with age appropriate lessons. Taking the framework from the Dutch, and having frank, open and honest discussions with children so that sex isn't something that is secret and forbidden. Because it's that attitude that increases the mystique of sex. And show me one person that had sex at a young age that didn't think: "THAT'S it? Really?".

2. Slightly more controversial. Compulsory, temporary sterilization of everyone from the age of 12 to 21. Which would only be lifted pre-21 if the individual could show that they are in a a committed relationship, and a financial position that would enable them to raise a child and shoulder all costs entailed. For males, tied tubes, or if the male implant has been approved then that, and for females, the implant.

fireflycatcher

Fang wrote: »

I suppose they were just dancing and it fell in and went off then?

You know that's not what I was talking about....

foreign_correspondent

You cannot look at the big picture and assume it represents each individual - sure, the outcomes for the children of teenage parents tend in general, to be less positive than for older parents - bit there are huge variations within that picture. One of the issues is that the people most likely to become teenage parents are also the young people (in general) with the lowest aspirations, are more likely to be in poverty to start off with, and are more likely to come from chaotic/struggling families.

However, within this bigger picture, which at times can look pretty bleak, lets not forget that lots of teenage parents do a sterling job, have boundless energy and enthusiasm, look after their children with care and love, and go on to train and work as soon as their little ones are in school. The OP sounds like a sensible girl with good family support and may well turn her story into one of these sucesses...

Whether termination is right or not is such a personal decision that I do not think that anyone can tell her what would be 'the best' thing to do - what is best for one person may be devastating for another - and there is plenty of evidence that girls pushed towards termination tend to fall pregnant again soon after - you cannot take away the emotional impact that a decision like this can have if it is entered reluctantly.

OP, you must do what you feel is the right thing - and it sounds like you have decided you want to keep the baby - I wish you all the luck in the world - it won't be easy, but it certainly is not impossible.

Take any help that is offered, do not be too proud to ask for advice, or for practical help, get involved with Sure Start if there is one locally - and whilst you are pregnant, do remember to eat well, take folic acid, avoid booze etc and look after yourself and the baby!

angel223_2

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