Too young to have my baby?

clairibel

My sister got pregnant at 15 and her boyfriend was 14 and that was way back in 1991...big scandal! But she bit the bullet and had her baby girl and her boyfriend stood by her, he was a mature 14 year old.

She left school with no results but has done well for herself she is now a manager of a store and her daughter has a promising career, she didn't end up staying with her childs dad but is happy non the less.

Not saying its not been hard, breaking point sometimes but if there are people supporting you it makes it a whole lot easier. Terminations are not always the easy route believe me. I had one thinking i was doing the right thing and its haunted me ever since but i felt pressured into it...i was at uni...its for the best...only wish i'd had the support and the strength

What i'm saying is people think it ends once said child is gone but unfortunatley it opens a whole new can of worms Yes theres counselling but it also depends on your mental psyche as well. I went down the road of lack of self respect and guilt big time to the point of self destruction.

Please think long and hard and especially how YOU feel not just how others feel, because at the end of the day its you left holding the baby.

My thoughts are with you x

Its hard to put everything across in a post but pm me if you want to discuss anything x

westiea

A very interesting debate!

The National Health Service - and (the abortion act 1967) the legality of a woman to have a legal termination to protect the life of the woman, and/or to protect the health of the woman is the law - whether an individual has moral objections or not.

Perhaps some people are to young to remember the results of illegal terminations before this act was brought. It was estimated by a parliamentary committee that the treatment of abortion accounted for as many as 20% of gynaelogical admissions with in the NHS. In 1966 the Home Office estimated that 100,000 abortions were being carried out each year. Other estimates put this figure at 150,000.

Single women who did go 'full term' were sent off to the 'country' and they're baby was taken from them for adoption- they had very little choice as they were 'sexual' pariahs in a male dominated society - men had no responsibilities - there was no support network if they chose to keep the child.

(For doubters please watch the film The Magdalene Sisters it paints a real picture of life for a young woman in the early sixties.)

So to put the benefits paid, into a relative light, the costs I would say probably off set each other, especially if we include the women who were institutionalised as a result (and I have met some still in care 25 years later in the 80's)

As to adoption, well that is the hardest choice in the world if/when you have bonded through a 9 month pregnancy and a traumatic birth, hence the low numbers of babies up for adoption.

Now I am not saying having a baby and being supported through a benefit system is ideal - I think most women would choose to have a stable and loving relationship with income from themselves and/or partner - but the systems that 'we' and I mean by that the governments that we voted have set in place, i.e the NHS, Benefit system etc are there to protect women so history is not repeated .

As to contraception, well as a male have you never had a mishap with a condom? As a female have you never forgotton to take the pill, been sick on it and forgotton that you needed to take a 'morning after pill', placed a diaphragm in incorrectly?

We all make mistakes, to be strong enough to acknowledge that and take the choice, with knowledge and help, is the result of a democracy guided by that history

myothercarisaferrari

Westiea - did these institutes happen in the UK as well? I thought it was only Southern Ireland? (my grandmother was Irish, had a child when she was not married in the late 40s, it was taken off her and she worked in a laundry house around 11 years before she met my grandad). That era fascinates me and the Magdalene girls is one of my fave films (as Southern Ireland, esp Dublin, is one my fave places in the world :-) )

But anyway back on topic. I fell pregnant whilst on the pill, the injection and using condoms. I never knew until I had a miscarriage as I was still having periods (injection was meant to stop them, pill for contraception, condoms for contraception) and never put any weight on. The docs thought I was roughly 10+5. It was upsetting at the time but I believe fate works in mysterious ways and it was just not my time.

Had I have known about it, I know what my decision would have been. I was using 3 methods of contraception so pregnancy was the last thing I wanted and expected, so it goes to show its not always foolproof.

OP I wish you all the luck in the world. I have seen girls your age have kids and inevitably you will probably end up a single mother. I do not envy you in the slightest, but good luck x

LilacPixie

ferrari - why did your GP pescribe Depo and the pill?? That is highly unusual

CFC

thorsoak wrote: »

So, CFC, would you consider me to have been immature and "incapable of preventing myself getting pregnant" when I became pregnant for the 4th time at the age of 33?

Possibly I would. Was it the case with your first child as well as your fourth? More information is needed. Were you in a stable relationship? Was getting pregnant a minor difficutly, an unexpected 'bump' in the road, or a huge problem as you were single, poor, alone and at school for both first and fourth children? Immaturity - although children are never mature, some adults also never mature; so really only further information can provide the background to answering the question.

'Planned' pregnancy kind of misses the point. People used to get married, have sex, and accept at some point they'd have children as a result, ready or not. Don't mix up 'unplanned pregnancy' with 'child pregnancy' or '!!!!less pregnancy'

The pill is not infallible and your sweeping statement is offensive in the extreme.

0.3% failure rate when used absolutely correctly. Already noted it is not infallible, however it is not as fallible as pregnant youngsters make it out to be. Sorry that you find the truth offensive.


For the record ...how many children do you have?

Not relevant in any way to the argument. If I said I was infertile, would that mean that my opinion should be ignored? If I said I had 10 children, would that mean that my opinion carried 10 times the weight? Or would my opinion only count if I became pregnant accidentally? Or only count if I became pregnant outside of a stable and committed relationship or as a teenager?

Hope that helps to clarify.

thorsoak

So, CFC, would you consider me to have been immature and "incapable of preventing myself getting pregnant" when I became pregnant for the 4th time at the age of 33?

You responded:
"Possibly I would. Was it the case with your first child as well as your fourth? More information is needed. Were you in a stable relationship? Was getting pregnant a minor difficutly, an unexpected 'bump' in the road, or a huge problem as you were single, poor, alone and at school for both first and fourth children? Immaturity - although children are never mature, some adults also never mature; so really only further information can provide the background to answering the question."

For the record, I was married three years before child 1 was born and - shock of shock, horror of horror, am STILL married to my OH after 47years, despite various health and resultant financial problems. All four of my children are hard-working, tax-paying members of the community, raising young families who will in turn (we hope) become hard-working tax-paying members of the community.


I do not, as you would appear to do, pontificate from the lofty heights - I advise at ground roots level.

JaneRN

CFC wrote: »

For the record ...how many children do you have?

Not relevant in any way to the argument. If I said I was infertile, would that mean that my opinion should be ignored? If I said I had 10 children, would that mean that my opinion carried 10 times the weight? Or would my opinion only count if I became pregnant accidentally? Or only count if I became pregnant outside of a stable and committed relationship or as a teenager?

She doesn't have any children.

angel223_2

........................

CFC

Thor's oak you are muddying the waters. You had an unplanned pregnancy while married, not a child pregnancy. When you get married and have regular sex you also understand that children may follow as a result, so there is no comparison. You are not advising from the ground level. Children should not be having sex and getting pregnant full stop. They are not mature enough to take contraception sufficiently seriously and the fallout from pregnancy to a child and their family and baby is huge, both socially, financially and emotionally.

Jane RN, you are incorrect. To be more explicit, I have no living children and now also have no living stepchildren.. So we both know what sex is. Does that advance the discussion or change opinions? Does my opinion gain extra points for personal loss? Or less? Or do you just like to satisfy idle curiousity?

Angel it is not about individuals. I do not begrudge you your child benefit or whatever you received and would not want you to feel bad, what is done is done - however it is not right to ignore the large cost to society of single females having children, both societally and financially. And the hard fact is that you cannot also ignore the ongoing costs of that child.

In the old days, individuals suffered the full poverty and opprobium of society for their sexual mistakes - which may be hard on the individuals concerned but meant that it prevented a lot of early pregnancies. Hard cases make bad laws...one must step back and see the bigger picture.

thorsoak

I object strongly to the statement that I am encouraging children to have sex and to get pregnant. I most certainly do not!

But we are faced here with a young girl who has had sex, and who has got pregnant, and who has asked for advice, for our views on what she should now do. Of course 99.99% of us say "well you shouldn't have done what you have done" - but she has and must now face the consequences.

Would you prefer that this girl is shown the door by her family in typical Victorian fashion? She has been advised that there are three options open to her - abortion, adoption, or she continues with the pregnancy and then keeps the baby and brings it up herself - with our without the support of the putative father.

None of these is an ideal situation to be in - but that is the situation that she is facing. I would respectfully suggest that it is not I muddying the waters but you.

Have you any constructive suggstions for Kait?