Too young to have my baby?

Mojisola

Cait - one other thing you should think about before baby arrives is whether you and your parents agree on how babies should be treated. As you are going to be living with your parents and they are going to be supporting you, they will have a lot more input into your baby's upbringing than would be usual if you had your own home.

I'm sure I've read threads on here before about couples who have had to live with parents/parents-in-law for some time and the differing opinions on childrearing have caused endless problems.

Fang_3

Berry. wrote: »

You type like Fangs, I think that was that members hint - you're just using 2 accounts to put your point across.

They are wrong. Firstly, it's Fang, and secondly, clearly not me. Look at my previous posts, I don't care whether there is someone backing me up and I certainly don't need to do it myself. I'm more than capable of putting my point/opinion/views across on one account thank you.

Also - I've been signed in all afternoon and haven't signed out, so I couldn't have joined again.

Fang_3

12november2010 wrote: »

My son has just shown me how to view other posts by 'Fang', and I am really quite offended by your assumption that we are one and the same! He is abrupt, on occasion rude, and rather forthcoming with his views.

I simply agreed with him; I believe parents should be able to provide for their children without relying on others to the extent this 16 year old girl will have to.

Goodness, some people are so quick to judge!

How kind...

CFC

I find it sad that those of you on here who appear to have had babies at a stupidly young age are encouraging this child. Either you have been lucky enough to be one of the rare exceptions for whom it has all worked out or you're fooling yourself about the kind of life you have actually had compared to the kind of life you could have had.

Or maybe you feel such a fellow feeling seeing someone else make the same mistake that you shout 'come on in, the water's fine' even though there are clearly sharks swimming around. A kind of vicarious life-choice validation?

I can't understand how a very young person, who is incapable of preventing themselves getting pregnant could be considered mature and sensible enough to bring up an actual living baby. It's beyond me.

I do not believe in abortion but I certainly don't believe in children having babies and then bringing them up, well let's be honest, it's either the parents effectively bringing the baby up, or the state funding it all (that's you and me). It's always that way unless there's a partner and an income and a bit of maturity.

Anyone who says they were a single mother, had a baby at 16 and then went to work at 17 - who funded or provided the child care! And in the same vein - Pegasus your daughter is indeed a credit to herself and not to you as presumably she did not also get pregnant at 16. I simply can't understand how people cannot manage either a contraception regime or to say 'No'. No willpower I guess, or just blind optimism.

Maybe these little girls who get pregnant think they are/were the only ones to have discovered sex, or they are just the unlucky ones, nope, afraid that the answer is that they are the immature silly ones.

fireflycatcher

CFC sometimes these children that are pregnant aren't pregnant by any fault of their own.

pinknfluffy0

AmandaAyrshire wrote: »

CFC sometimes these children that are pregnant aren't pregnant by any fault of their own.

Very true but most made the choice to have sex.

JaneRN

CFC wrote: »

I find it sad that those of you on here who appear to have had babies at a stupidly young age are encouraging this child. Either you have been lucky enough to be one of the rare exceptions for whom it has all worked out or you're fooling yourself about the kind of life you have actually had compared to the kind of life you could have had.

Or maybe you feel such a fellow feeling seeing someone else make the same mistake that you shout 'come on in, the water's fine' even though there are clearly sharks swimming around. A kind of vicarious life-choice validation?

I can't understand how a very young person, who is incapable of preventing themselves getting pregnant could be considered mature and sensible enough to bring up an actual living baby. It's beyond me.

I do not believe in abortion but I certainly don't believe in children having babies and then bringing them up, well let's be honest, it's either the parents effectively bringing the baby up, or the state funding it all (that's you and me). It's always that way unless there's a partner and an income and a bit of maturity.

Anyone who says they were a single mother, had a baby at 16 and then went to work at 17 - who funded or provided the child care! And in the same vein - Pegasus your daughter is indeed a credit to herself and not to you as presumably she did not also get pregnant at 16. I simply can't understand how people cannot manage either a contraception regime or to say 'No'. No willpower I guess, or just blind optimism.

Maybe these little girls who get pregnant think they are/were the only ones to have discovered sex, or they are just the unlucky ones, nope, afraid that the answer is that they are the immature silly ones.

So what is your advice?

You don't believe in abortion - so what do you suggest?

I agree with somef points you make, in the ideal world girls should not be having babies at 16. If she had posted saying she was thinking about getting pregnant I would strongly discourage her from doing so. The fact that she finds herself in this situation is the question that needs addressing now.
I was one of those girls and did rely on benefits for a few years, but as soon as I was able, I went to work, first part time and then full time. I've paid back that money many times over.
I didn't go on to have more children that I expected others to fund while I sat at home and the OP comes across as someone who wants to make a life for herself and her child that doesn't rely on you and me funding them.

pinknfluffy0

AmandaAyrshire wrote: »

CFC sometimes these children that are pregnant aren't pregnant by any fault of their own.

Very true but most made the choice to have sex.

ceridwen

Cait2 wrote: »

Hi, thank you!!
I'm not going back to school after these holidays wasn't going to even if not pregnant
I would like to hear from anybody that has been in this situation too would be helpful to know what they did. I don't know I think I fear John will leave me if I don't keep the baby because he really hates the idea of "killing his child". I could be wrong but it seems that he would go...

...and where is his concern for YOUR welfare in this?

If he really cares about you then he would be taking one of two stances:
- your decision and you do what you want and I will support you either way

OR

- please don't ruin your life by having a baby so young

He isnt taking either of these stances. HE wants that HIS baby isnt "killed" as he puts it and he doesnt care what YOU want from that.

Do you really want to be with a boy who wants what HE wants - regardless of what YOU want? Do you really think a boy like that would stay with you once he sees the hard reality of bringing up a baby? No - at that point he is likely to decide that what HE wants is to forget about any idea of being a father and he will leave you anyway - but by that time you would have a baby on your hands to bring up on your own:(

NB: I am wondering how the Pill failed on you? Did your doctor not point out to you that if you were sick whilst taking the Pill that it would reduce the effectiveness of the Pill temporarily? Are you on one of the lower-dosage type of Pills that have come on the market in recent years - and which I believe allow a lot less leeway, as I recall, as to what time of day one takes them (I think they HAVE to be taken very much the same time each day - whereas, as I recall, back in my days of Pill-taking many years ago now I think they were "stronger" and I think I remember that as long as I took it the correct days it didnt matter too much what time of day I took it from one day to the next). Its so many years ago now that I was on it that my memory is a bit vague on the details I'm afraid - I just seem to remember one has to be a lot more careful with modern lower-dosage Pills. I think the one I was on back then was Eugynon 30?? and I believe its still available.

simonjstone_2

COnnexions have a list of agencies that may be able to help you with your decision without biassness or judgement, which are very important. there are a few things you can do to help you decide. if you want to have a chat o other young people in your situation they will have a local young parents group where pregnant young people go for advice. hope this helps.