Too young to have my baby?

Cait2

Hiya,
Sorry to make this my first post!!:)I read this section a lot as well as a few other forums and I'm now in a situation that I think I will need some advice and opinions:o
I turned 16 in January (this year) and I've been with my boyfriend a year. We didn't really have any serious plans like marriage, or children, although we knew we wanted to have our future together and get to those things at some point:)On May 29th I found out I was pregnant (with his child, not been with anybody else:eek:). I had been taking the pill and expected that to work...:(That is another story though.
I've spoken to him about it and his mum knows (don't know his dad neither does he) and my parents too. His mum said I should get an abortion, I'm too young and the risks too much:(My parents both say it is up to me, but how I would manage is what worries them and the money too.
My boyfriend (John) thinks we keep it, he's reduced to tears if I say "right I think I should get rid of the baby now". I have to make up my mind obviously but I don't know how. Johns opinion matters. I don't know what I want!!:( I would have to find a new home for my dog.... I put my money I earn from my partime job into my dog and save up the rest... John has a full time job, he is one year older than me. I don't know what to do.. opinions?:o

Odette

Do you really want to give up any dreams you might have had for a career or travel or whatever at this point, for a screaming baby?

I'm 24 and I wouldn't in a million years.

busiscoming2

Hello Cait2 I don't think anyone can tell you what to do just offer there perspective. You seem like a very mature 16yo to me and the fact you are talking about it is a positive thing. I assume you are still at school? Did/do you intend to stay on and do A levels, then uni? Would one of your parents be willing and able to care for the child while you are at school? Having the baby will affect your whole future.

Perhaps you should talk it over with someone trained like a Marie Stopes nurse. I am sure other people who hav ebeen in your situation will tell you their thoughts. I wish you well and hope you dont find it too difficult to make a decision.

ClareEmily

I am now 27 weeks pregnant with a much wanted baby after trying for 6 years, I am 33.

Nobody tells you how hard pregnancy is though
Sickness for 14 weeks
Heartburn
Constipation
Tiredness
Lack of money worries

I am lucky that I have a really supportive hubby and excited daddy to be, but to be honest you need to be realistic, it is unlikely (although not impossible) that you will end up bringing up baby on your own, at 17 guys are really not ready to be a dad (IMO).

The decision is yours noone can make it for you, but you need to speak to a professional, your doctor is the first port of call, the longer you leave this decision the worst it will get unfortunetely.

Big hugs

Cait2

Hi, thank you!!
I'm not going back to school after these holidays wasn't going to even if not pregnant
I would like to hear from anybody that has been in this situation too would be helpful to know what they did. I don't know I think I fear John will leave me if I don't keep the baby because he really hates the idea of "killing his child". I could be wrong but it seems that he would go...

Cait2

Thank you ClareEmily...know what you mean about the age thing.

code-a-holic

Firstly, no one can make the decision for you. You need to be sure your doing the right thing for you and not trying to please others. I was 17 when I fell pregnant with my 1st. I felt pushed in to booking a termination and then days before the appointment I cancelled it and convinced those around me I was doing the right thing for me.
Give yourself some time to think about all your options. Good luck with whichever route you choose.

Wanted to add, pregnancy at 17 was my best pregnancy out of my 4. I was full of energy, enthusiastic and I enjoyed it so much. I was in a full time job at a desk though, it could have been worse. I went back to work when my son was 3 months old - that was a mistake, but another story! I was financially independant though although living at home. I moved in to my first home when my son was 6 months old.

jimbms

First of all the decision is yours and don't let anyone force you into doing what you don't want, in saying that you should decide with your bf before even letting others try to influence you. you have many questions to as like are you both ready for this, is your relationship strong enough to take whatever decision you make, if you feel family will only try to force their oppinions then both of you get advice from elsewhere, I am sure there are many on here who will now give you advice, some good some not so good but just read it all then decide on what you believe not what others force you to think.

busiscoming2

Cait2 wrote: »

Hi, thank you!!
I'm not going back to school after these holidays wasn't going to even if not pregnant
I would like to hear from anybody that has been in this situation too would be helpful to know what they did. I don't know I think I fear John will leave me if I don't keep the baby because he really hates the idea of "killing his child". I could be wrong but it seems that he would go...

Sorry, but to me that is blackmail. What happens if you have the baby and your relationship fails after a period of time? Will he choose to give up his career to care for it? Will he still be prepared to pay for it?

I apologise for being cynical!

ClareEmily

Cait2 wrote: »

Hi, thank you!!
I'm not going back to school after these holidays wasn't going to even if not pregnant
I would like to hear from anybody that has been in this situation too would be helpful to know what they did. I don't know I think I fear John will leave me if I don't keep the baby because he really hates the idea of "killing his child". I could be wrong but it seems that he would go...

He is even more likely to go once a crying baby arrives.

At 16 love is so intense but sadly it hardly ever lasts...

God I sound like such an old woman

Mellowyellow_2

Cait2 wrote: »

Hiya,
Sorry to make this my first post!!:)I read this section a lot as well as a few other forums and I'm now in a situation that I think I will need some advice and opinions:o
I turned 16 in January (this year) and I've been with my boyfriend a year. We didn't really have any serious plans like marriage, or children, although we knew we wanted to have our future together and get to those things at some point:)On May 29th I found out I was pregnant (with his child, not been with anybody else:eek:). I had been taking the pill and expected that to work...:(That is another story though.
I've spoken to him about it and his mum knows (don't know his dad neither does he) and my parents too. His mum said I should get an abortion, I'm too young and the risks too much:(My parents both say it is up to me, but how I would manage is what worries them and the money too.
My boyfriend (John) thinks we keep it, he's reduced to tears if I say "right I think I should get rid of the baby now". I have to make up my mind obviously but I don't know how. Johns opinion matters. I don't know what I want!!:( I would have to find a new home for my dog.... I put my money I earn from my partime job into my dog and save up the rest... John has a full time job, he is one year older than me. I don't know what to do.. opinions?:o

I say you sound very mature, and at the end of the day it IS your choice, but why not get everyone concerned round the table and you can all talk calmly and seriously about your options?

If the Grandparents are willing to help out there is nothing to stop you staying on at school and getting your qualifications.
Yes babies CAN be hard work, and yes there is the risk of problems but they are no more or no less than older parents face.

Think long and hard about everything, and do not feel guilty about whatever choice you make. I speak as someone who had a baby young, and I managed perfectly well. I may have missed out on some fun time with friends, but I wasnt bothered at all, and I am still young enough now to go and enjoy myself

I wish you all the best whatever you choose to do

xx